I'm afraid your services won't be required here, sir.
My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an accident.
What?! Duck-tective will return after these messages.
That duck is a genius.
Eh.
It's easier to find clues when you're that close to the ground.
Are you saying you could outwit duck-tective? Mabel, I have very keen powers of observation.
For example, just by smelling your breath I can tell that you have been eating An entire tube of toothpaste? - It was so sparkly.
- Hey, dudes! You'll never guess what I found! - Buried treasure! - Buried Hey, I was gonna say that! So I was cleaning up when I found this secret door hidden behind the wallpaper.
It's crazy-bonkers-creepy.
Whoa! It's a secret wax museum.
They're so life-like.
Except for that one.
Hello! Ha ha! It's just me, your Grunkle Stan! Behold the Gravity Falls Wax museum.
It was one of our most popular attractions! Before I forgot all about it.
I got 'em all genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes, some kind of, I don't know, Goblin Man.
Ooh! Is anyone else getting the creeps here? And now for my personal favorite wax Abraham Lincoln, right over oh, no! Come on! Who left the blinds open?! Wax John wilkes booth, I'm lookin' in your direction.
How do you fix a wax figure? Cheer up, Grunkle Stan.
- Where's that smile? - Meh.
- Beep bop boop.
- Ow.
Don't worry, Grunkle Stan, I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax.
Why do you think I always have this glue gun stuck to my arm? - Eeech! - I like your gumption, kid.
I don't know what that word means, but thank you.
Dipper.
What do you think of my wax figure idea? She's part fairy princess, and part horse fairy princess.
Maybe you should carve something from real life.
Like a waffle with big arms! Yo-kay, or, ya know, something else, like someone in your family.
Kids! Have you seen my pants? O muse, you work in mysterious ways.
Why is your sister talking to the ceiling? I think it needs more glitter.
Agreed.
I found my pants, but now I'm missing my What do you think? I think the wax museum's back in business! I can't believe this many people showed up.
I know, right? Your uncle probably bribed 'em or something.
He bribed me.
You all know me, folks, town doll and Mr.
Mystery.
Please, ladies! Control yourselves! As you know, I always bring the people of this fair town novelties and befuddlements, the likes of which the world has never known.
But enough about me.
Behold Me! Ye-ah! Ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-ah! And now a word from our own Mabelangelo.
It's Mabel.
Thank you for coming.
I made this sculpture with my own two hands! It's covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids.
- Ugh! - Ohh! - Ewww! Heh heh.
Yeah.
I will now take questions.
You there.
Old man mcgucket, local kook.
Are the wax figures alive? And, follow-up question, can I survive the wax man uprising? Um Yes! Next question.
Toby determined, Gravity Falls gossiper.
Do you really think this constitutes a wonder of the world? Your microphone's a turkey baster, Toby.
- It certainly is.
- Next question.
Shandra jimenez, a real reporter.
Your fliers promised free pizza with admission to this event.
Is this true? - That's what I heard.
- Come on! - What a rip-off! - I want my pizza.
That was a typo.
Good night, everyone! Ohhh.
In your face! We're not coming back here.
I think that went well.
Hot pumpkin pie! Look at all this cash! And I owe it all to one person This guy.
Ooh! Yeah, you too, ya little gremlin.
Now, you kids wash up.
We got another long day of fleecing rubes tomorrow.
Go! Go! Ahh, kids.
Well, duck-dective, it seems you've really "quacked" the case.
Ha ha! Stupid duck.
Well, I'm gonna use the John.
You need anything? I love this guy! Don't you go nowhere.
- Dipper, you wanna do a toothbrush race? - Okay.
No No Nooooo! Wax Stan! He's been Murdered! Ohhh! I got up to use the John, right? And when I come back, blammo! He's headless! My expert handcrafting besmirched.
Besmirched!!! Who would do something like this? What's your opinion, sheriff blubs? Look, we'd love to help you folks, but let's face the facts this case is unsolvable.
- What?! You take that back, sheriff blubs! - What? - What? You're kidding, right? There must be evidence, motives.
- Ya know, I could help, if you want.
- He's really good.
He figured out who was eating our tin cans.
All signs pointed to the goat.
Yeah, yeah, let the boy help.
He's got a little brain up in his head.
Whoo! Would you look at what we got here! City boy thinks he's gonna solve a mystery with his fancy computer phone! City Bo-oy! City Bo-oy! You are adorable.
Adorable? - Ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha! Look P.
J.
's, how about you leave the investigatin' to the grown-ups? Attention, all units.
Steve is going to fit an entire cantaloupe in his mouth.
Repeat, an entire cantaloupe.
- It's a 2316! - Let's move.
That's it! Mabel, you and me are going to find the jerk who did this and get back that head! Then we'll see who's adorable.
Aw.
You sneeze like a kitten.
Wax Stan has lost his head, and it's up to us to find it.
There were a lot of unhappy customers at the unveiling.
The murderer could have been anyone.
Yeah! Even us! In this town, anything is possible, ghosts, zombies could be months before we find our first clue.
Hey, look, a clue! Footprints in the shag carpet.
That's weird.
They've got a hole in them.
And they're leading to So what do you think? In my opinion, this is an ax.
Wait a minute the lumberjack! Of course! In your face! He was furious when he didn't get that free pizza.
Furious enough for murder! Oh, you mean manley Dan? He hangs out at this crazy-intense biker joint downtown.
Then that's where we're going.
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