- Hey, chin up, buddy.
Look.
One of these days, you and me are gonna sail away from this dumb town.
We'll hunt for treasure, get all the girls, and be an unstoppable team of adventurers.
You really mean it? - High six? - High six.
Those were the good times.
Those bullies may have been right about us not making many friends, but when push comes to shove, you only really need one.
Ford's brain seemed to get more impressive every year.
So did our pet project.
Sure, I got in more than my fair share of trouble, but when your brother's the smartest kid in school, you've always got a leg up on the competition.
The future was looking bright for both of us, till one day.
[Woman over P.
A.
] Pines twins to the principal's office.
Pines twins to the principal's office.
Ah, great.
What is it this time? Not you.
Him.
Now, Mr.
Pines, I'd like to speak with you very frankly, if I may.
Very frankly is the only way I speak.
You have two sons.
One of them is incredibly gifted.
The other one is standing outside this room, and his name's Stanley.
What are you saying? I'm saying your son Stanford is a genius! All of his teachers are going bananas over his science fair experiment.
You ever heard of West Coast Tech? Best college in the country.
Their graduates turn science fiction into science fact.
The admissions team is visiting tomorrow to check out Stanford's experiment.
Your son may be a future millionaire, Mr.
Pines.
I'm impressed.
But what about our little free spirit Stanley? That clown? At this rate, he'll be lucky to graduate high school.
Look, there's a saltwater taffy store on the dock, and somebody's gotta get paid to scrape the barnacles off of it.
Stanford's going places, but hey, look on the bright side.
At least you'll have one son here in New Jersey forever.
[chuckles] Joke's on them if they think you wanna go to some stuffy college on the other side of the country.
Once we get the Stan O' War complete, it's gonna be beaches, babes, and international treasure hunting for us.
Look, Stan, I can't pass up a chance like this.
This school has cutting-edge programs and multi-dimensional - paradigm theory.
- Be-boop.
I am a nerd robot.
That's you.
That's what you sound like.
[chuckles] Ah, well, if the college board isn't impressed with my experiment tomorrow, then okay, I'll do the treasure hunting thing.
- And if they are? - Well, then I guess you better come visit me on the other side of the country.
[chuckles] Without Ford, I was just half of a dynamic duo.
I couldn't make it out there without him.
And now, thanks to that dumb college, I was gonna lose my brother forever.
This is all your fault, you dumb machine! Oh, no.
No, no, no.
What did I do? There.
All right.
Good as new.
Probably.
All right, kid, show us what you got.
Okay.
Well, what would you say if I told you the future of technology was beneath this sheet? - I'd say we wasted a car trip.
- What? But it was stable yesterday.
A fuse must've blown or something.
Kid, a perpetual motion machine has one job to not stop.
I don't think you're West Coast Tech material.
No, wait.
Don't go! I worked so hard! One paddle paddle paddle, two paddle paddle.
Man, that Jackie O.
What a fox.
- Hey, what's the word, sixer? - Can you explain what this was doing next to my broken project? Okay.
I might've accidentally been horsing around.
This was no accident, Stan.
You did this! You did this because you couldn't handle me - going to college on my own.
- Look, it was a mistake.
Although, if you think about it, maybe there's a silver lining.
- Huh? Treasure hunting? - Are you kidding me? Why would I wanna do anything with the person - who sabotaged my entire future? - You did what, you knucklehead? [baby cries] Stanley, what's going on in here? Wait, no.
I can explain.
It was a mistake.
You ignoramus.
Your brother was gonna be our ticket outta this dump.
All you ever do is lie and cheat, and ride on your brother's coattails.
Well, this time, you cost our family potential millions.
And until you make us a fortune, you're not welcome in this household.
What?! Stanford, tell him he's being crazy.
Stanford? Don't leave me hanging.
High six? Fine! I can make it on my own.
I don't need you, I don't need anyone! I'll make millions, and you'll rue the day you turned your back on me.
Thanks to one dumb mistake, I had no brother, no home, no nothing.
But I had a plan to fix everything.
Oh, this story's so sad.
I know what you two little broken teacups need.
To hug it out! Hug it out.
Hug train comin' in the station.
- Hugapalooza 2000! - Kid, will you knock that off? I'm trying to tell my life story here.
I had decided I wasn't gonna show my face at home till I proved I could make something of myself.
Unfortunately, the treasure hunting business was slow going.
Apparently, gold is some kind of rare metal.
Luckily, I struck another kind of gold.
In sales.
Hi there.
I'm Stan Pines of Stanco Enterprises.
Are you sick of this always happening to you? Then you need the chamois of the future.
Made with the same material astronauts use to clean up cranberry stains on the moon.
That's the Sham Total.
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