10. 185811 - Dirt Bike (第1季)【完整台词】

Mail's here.

Telephone bill, letter from your mother.

"Simone's of Syosset, Sexy Sleepwear.

" - I wonder how we got this.

- I don't know.

Could it be because it's addressed to a Dr.

Jason Seaver? Is it now? You know, I've been getting this darn junk mail ever since I sent away for Slim Whitman's Greatest Hits.

"The winter catalog.

" Jason, a woman could freeze in an outfit like this.

It'd keep me warm.

I can't believe this.

"Seamless, strapless, see-through "Blueberry, raspberry "trail mix"? Well, who says you can't eat well and have a little fun, too? Not me! - What you reading, Mom? - Just this diet magazine we got in the mail.

It's garbage.

Mom, Dad, hold on to your hats! We have got a speckled chickadee out by the garage.

So? "So?" Good God, woman! Don't you realize that the speckled chickadee is almost exclusively indigenous to the lower Adirondack Valley? - We have got a freak of nature out there.

- We've got a freak of nature in here, too.

Gee, Mike, I didn't realize you were such a woodsy kind of guy.

Me? Heck, yeah.

I mean, sometimes I feel more at home outdoors than I do in my own bedroom.

That's because outdoors is cleaner.

No, I'm serious, Dad.

Nature's always been a great release for me from the pressures of suburban life.

- And that's why what you want - Is to go camping with Jimmy and Boner and Boner's older brother, Mitch.

He's the most mature guy in the whole high school.

He ought to be.

He's 21.

So, Mike, what do you and your friends plan to do all weekend? Breathe free, Mom.

And once you get the hang of that, then what happens? Then, the usual.

A little fishing, hiking, dirt biking - bird watching.

Stuff like that.

- Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

What was that right before bird watching? Dirt biking.

Dirt biking.

I said dirt biking, okay? Jason, may I have a word with you in the living room? What? She said, "May I have a word with you in the living room?" What's wrong with you people? Well, here we are in the living room to discuss Mike dirt biking.

Come on, Jason.

I think it's important that we present a unified front to the kids.

- I wish I knew what they were saying.

- I know what they're saying.

"We've got to present a unified front to the kids.

" And Dad is saying, "Come on, Maggie.

I know Mike's screwed up before "but we can't raise the kid in a bubble.

" And Mom is saying, "I don't see why not.

"It's not like it's never been done before.

" And Dad is saying, "Maggie, you're overreacting.

" I am not overreacting.

I just don't want to see him get himself killed up there.

Honey, he could get killed right here.

He could fall down the stairs, he could drown in the tub.

He could choke on my pastrami surprise.

Well, that does it.

Tomorrow, we're gonna get that kid a bubble.

Come on, who's kidding who? They're not gonna let me go camping because it's fun.

- Mike? - I know, I know you guys don't have any fun, so you don't want me to have any fun.

Mike, they didn't want to have you.

Mike, we decided to let you go camping.

I can? All right! But you can't go dirt biking.

I can't go dirt biking? Dad, what does she mean, I can't go dirt biking? Well, my interpretation would be you can't go dirt biking.

I knew you guys didn't want me to have any fun.

Mike, it's not a question of fun.

It's a question of death.

But, Mom, I could get killed right here at home.

Well, frankly, your mother and I discussed that, and we'd prefer it that way.

All right.

I don't believe you guys.

Hey, Mike, there's something you ought to consider here.

We don't have to let you go at all! And all of a sudden, the dream changes.

I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth.

And then, they're not my teeth anymore.

And it's not my face.

It gets all ugly and weird.

It's either The Elephant Man or Mike! - And then? - This part gets a little fuzzy.

Ben, I paid you at the beginning of this dream.

But this one's extra long.

Look, I'm a poor student working on a paper.

Okay, but from now on, it's 50 cents per dream, up front no matter what the length.

It's clear now.

It is Mike.

I've turned into Mike! I'm beating myself up.

My life is wasted, but I'm too stupid to know it! - Fascinating.

- And then I wake up.

So, did you have any other dreams last night? No, that was the only one.

But, Ben, I need more material to analyze.

Carol, it's the middle of the day.

I can't just fall asleep.

I need something to relax me to get me in the mood.

Suddenly, I'm getting drowsy.

- Hello.

- Jason, I want you to see something.

The Simone's catalog.

I thought you threw that away.

Oh, I did.

But somehow, it found its way back home.

Well, maybe some good Samaritan passing by saw it fall out of the garbage noticed the address, and returned it.

- And taped it back together? - A very good Samaritan.

And slipped it into my lingerie drawer? Possibly a great Samaritan.

Jason something tells me that you'd like to see me in one of those outfits.

- No.

- Not even a little bit? - I'm not that kind of guy.

- Of course not, Jason.