Has Mike taken a sharp blow to the head recently? No.
Suffered any prolonged oxygen deprivation? No, Dr.
Marlens, our son is not brain-damaged.
Okay.
Just checking.
Now look, Mike's file indicates he's always had a Well, how shall we say, a problem with authority.
For example, it says here that last year he placed a litter of baby gerbils into Mrs.
O'Brien's Kleenex box and when she went to blow her nose That old bag must have just Excuse me.
There's so little joy in my job, and he's got a lot of good stuff in here.
Thank you.
Dr.
Marlens, what are you getting at? You see this? This is a normal test answer sheet.
It's a mess.
The little dots are scattered randomly around the page.
You see this? This is your son's test answer sheet.
The dots make up little pictures of houses, airplanes.
Look here, there's even one of a young woman's body in profile.
Nice figure.
So, you're saying You're saying that Mike did this intentionally.
Well, either that, Mrs.
Seaver, or he's a highly artistic imbecile.
What is it? That's pretty.
Nothing.
Well, I heard you got called down to the school psychologist today.
Oh, yeah.
Mom and Dad are down there right now.
They are? Why? What'd you do? Well, I got a 27 on my IQ test.
Mom and Dad really don't care about that sort of thing, so, you know don't feel bad.
You got a 27? Yeah, I did it on purpose, bonehead.
- I mean, I didn't even read the questions.
- What? I mean, I know I'm brilliant, so I figured, why waste my valuable time on playing fill-in-the-dots? Come on, you didn't really do that.
Carol, how should I put this? You see before you were born, Mom and Dad came to me and they said: "Mike, we hope that our next child isn't some goody-goody nerdface "but that he's a real independent, free-thinker, like you.
" Yeah.
Little did they know, you had peaked intellectually.
Mike? They're gonna kill you.
Carol, maybe Mom and Dad have realized how stupid these tests are.
Maybe they're gonna admire me for what I did.
Mike.
Could we speak to you for a moment, please? Maybe they're gonna have you killed professionally.
Mike, can you explain to us what this is? Oh, okay.
This here is a Boeing 747, and this is a largemouth bass and this This is a full-body profile of Rhonda Tishkin.
Mike, why did you do this? She's got a great body, Mom.
Mike, this isn't a joke.
Come on, why did you do that? I don't know.
I just felt like it.
You just felt like it.
Well, gee, I didn't realize how important these tests were to you guys.
Maybe you should have told me that you were only interested in having kids with high IQ scores.
Mike.
Mike.
Hey, that's okay.
I mean, you guys got one smart kid.
Miss Straight As here can go and become an astronaut and Mikey can always mix the Tang, no problem.
Why don't we just let him cool off? - Okay.
- Okay? What do you want? Nothing, really, I mean, I just Then why don't you just get out of here? Look, Mike.
You're not really stupid.
Well, thanks, Carol.
I am deeply touched by your superiority.
I hope I don't make you feel stupid, Mike.
You don't make me feel stupid.
Just get out of here, okay? Nobody makes me feel stupid, 'cause I'm not stupid.
I just said that.
Well, maybe I was just too stupid to understand.
Mike, come on.
I mean you're always calling me a nerd and stuff and I don't know, I guess I was just trying to get you back.
I guess 'cause you're older, and cooler and everything.
And I just figured that I was the only one who was getting hurt.
I mean, I am sort of a nerd but you're not really stupid.
Oh, so, I guess it's just coincidence that you get all the As and I get all the Cs? Look, I don't know why you don't get good grades.
I mean Well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that you sleep and play darts while doing your homework.
What is it with the darts? I mean, am I the only guy around here that knows how to unwind? Okay, listen.
What year did Max Weinberg start playing drums for Bruce Springsteen? Hey, did we just start a new conversation? Come on, what year? Well, aside from being a huge boost in income for Max Weinberg it means you're pretty smart.
What, 'cause I know one useless fact? You know millions of useless facts.
I mean, like the Attack of the Crab People thing.
- I mean, I couldn't believe that.
- Crab Monsters, Carol.
Attack of the Crab Monsters.
See, I mean, you don't remember things for tests.
You just remember things you want to remember for some strange reason.
So I have a good memory.
Big deal.
It's more than just that.
I mean Okay.
Remember last year when you borrowed $20 from me on Valentine's Day? Yeah.
So? - And I made you sign an IOU? - Which I gladly did.
Promising to pay me back on February 29th.
Hey, come 1988, that $20 is yours.
You see, that, that wasn't just intelligent that was actually very creative.
No, you were just a sucker.
You see, that's my point.
I mean I do dumb things all the time.
And you do smart things when you feel like it.
- Well - But, hey.
Why do you think Mom's always telling you to shut your smart mouth? I mean, it takes brains and hard work to be as obnoxious as you are.
Yeah, I guess it does.
But when you love what you do, it really doesn't seem like work.
I mean, heck, for all we know, you and I might have the same IQ.
Yeah, who knows? Mine might even be higher.
Let's not get hysterical, now.
- Hey, Carol? - Yeah? Thanks.
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