- Bye.
- Have fun.
- See you later.
Mike, Carol.
Carol, Mike.
Do you know what Christmas means to me? It means caring, sharing.
- We're not telling you, Ben.
- We're not telling you, Ben.
But I like your style.
Who do you have to talk to to get some hard facts around here? Well, I'd look for a fat man in a red suit.
- Mr.
Bodewell.
- Is your father here? - No, he stepped out for a minute.
- Would you like to come in and wait? No, I can't wait.
Okay, I'll tell him you were here.
Merry Christmas! He sure looked unhappy.
Mike, Carol.
Carol, Mike.
$1 for the hiding place.
Ben, that's hardly the Christmas spirit.
$10? Jingle bells, jingle bells I wasn't going to tell him, not for less than $20.
Who is up there? Who do you think? Whoa! Santa? Santa Claus! Wow, this is unbelievable! Get out of there, kid.
Look, I'm coming down.
I don't want you to see this.
Well, if it's any easier for you, you can throw my present down.
Present? Oh, okay, I'll give you a present.
Raw meat? You got a problem with that? Well, it wasn't my first choice.
Christmas Eve, a real "stuff your face" kind of holiday.
Come on, Ben.
Let's have some eggnog.
Mike! Carol! Santa's on the roof, and look what he gave me.
Raw meat? Ben, what are you talking about? Come on.
Santa, my brother and sister are here.
You got anything for them? Tupperware? Oh, it's for the young lady.
Would you please get out of there? Mr.
Bodewell? You got it.
Mr.
Bodewell, what are you doing up there? I'm gonna dive down your chimney, head first.
Oh, my God.
He's going to commit suicide in our fireplace.
Okay, I'm gonna call the cops.
No, no cops.
Okay, I didn't say "cops.
" I said "mops.
" Yeah, well, no mops, either.
Right, no mops.
Right, or cleaning supplies of any kind.
Mr.
Bodewell, just stay where you are.
I'll be right back.
I think you're supposed to keep him talking.
Even after he jumps? Mr.
Bodewell, why don't you come down and have some eggnog? I'm about to kill myself, you offer me eggnog? Well, it says here, "Festive for all occasions.
" Oh, Mike.
Okay.
Ben, your turn.
Mr.
Bodewell, even though you're not Santa, thank you for the meat.
I know I'll use it for years to come.
Come on, kid.
Admit it.
You hate the meat.
No, really, it's a child's dream come true.
Nice try, kid, but I know the truth.
You hate me.
Everybody! Everybody hates me! That's why I can't go on living.
But you have to go on living.
- Why? - Wait a second.
I'll tell you.
- Hey, what's that? - One of Dad's textbooks.
Mr.
Bodewell, I know that "a suicidal person" such as yourself "can only see things through a dark tunnel "but with proper counseling and long-term therapy "the patient can build his inner confidence, as outlined in Ferber's landmark study "Life Without Hope.
" Mr.
Bodewell? Mr.
Bodewell, are you there? Yeah, sure.
I didn't think you were finished reading.
Mr.
Bodewell, please don't jump.
Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus Right down Right down our chimney! What? Mr.
Bodewell's on the roof, and he's about to jump down the chimney! Oh, my God! Mr.
Bodewell? - Walter.
- Don't come near me, Doc.
I swear I'll dive.
Okay, don't worry.
I'll stay right here.
I just wanna talk to you.
Well, I don't wanna talk.
I wanna die.
Walter, your problems are temporary.
Death is permanent.
You jump, and there's no second Walter, what are you doing? I want to make sure I'm gonna fit.
I'll be damned if I'm gonna get stuck in there.
What happened this afternoon? The kids at the orphanage hated me.
Well, I find that hard to believe, Walter.
I mean, you played Santa to a bunch of 8-year-olds.
Could it be that you misinterpreted their response? You tell me.
"This Santa eats fruitcake.
" That's right.
A man on the roof, threatening to jump down the chimney.
Well, he's a rather large man in a red suit, with a white beard.
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