No, he doesn't have any reindeer.
Walter, I understand what you're going through.
Things look bleak for you right now, but you can't do this.
You're right.
Not with this jacket on.
I'm never gonna fit.
- Walter, your life is too valuable.
- Don't come near me.
Let's face it, Doc.
My life is a big zero.
I wake up every day, and I'm wondering why.
Divide the circumference by pi Why? Why me? Why was I chosen to be Walter Bodewell, the man whose destiny was to Damn, my batteries are dead.
Doc, would you please tell me one thing? - What, Walter? - What's 39 divided by 3.
1416? Walter, I'm not gonna help you with this.
Oh, well, fine.
Have it your way.
Walter.
Walter! Walter, you wanna be happy.
You don't wanna give up like this.
Why shouldn't I? Huh, Doc? You tell me.
Why shouldn't I give up? I mean, if I can't make it as Santa Claus with a bunch of 8-year-old orphans how am I supposed to make it as Walter Bodewell? Well, you work at it, Walter.
You chip away at each problem.
You speak from the heart occasionally without a prepared statement.
And then, when you listen back you know, you start to sound just like everybody else.
You're human, Walter.
That means occasionally you're gonna have some pain and sometimes you're gonna feel Ionely but if you just keep reaching out there's gonna be somebody there to lend you a hand.
Thanks, Doc.
Goodbye.
Walter! Oh, that's it.
That's it! - What's it? - I see it now.
Yeah, this is a good idea, Walter.
I'm gonna kill myself, too.
That's it.
You just have a problem and you jump down the chimney, Walter.
- No, you can't do that.
- Why not, Walter? It's my chimney.
What are you talking about? Walter, you think you're the only one with problems? Well, I got a problem, too, Walter 'cause I got a big guy on my roof I've been counseling for four years and he's threatening to kill himself because I can't talk him out of it.
I can't live with that on my conscience, Walter.
- No.
No! - Excuse me.
You mind if I go first? Doc, I'm not gonna let you do this.
You have a wife.
You have children.
Their Christmas is pretty much shot as it is.
You are crazy! Don't try to stop me, Walter.
No, Doc, I can't let you do this! Doc, quit whining.
It's really pathetic.
- It's not me.
- Well, what is it? So you bought a puppy for your kid for Christmas? He's been asking for one for years, so - I guess he found it a little early.
- Yeah.
What kind of puppy is it? Brown.
What is he doing? Licking my face.
- Ben, what are you - I used to have a dog.
I had a German Shepherd.
Was he a nice dog? Yeah.
He was the only guy who didn't get uncomfortable when he was around me.
I remember we used to have this great game we played together.
It was called "ball.
" You mean, you'd throw the ball, and he'd go fetch it? That would've worked, too.
What happened to him? He died.
Seventeen years ago.
He was the last person I ever lived with.
Were you sad? Yeah.
Did you cry? Yes.
Are you still gonna kill yourself? Ben.
I don't know.
Well, if you don't kill yourself, you can have my puppy.
Hello? Mr.
Bodewell? - Mom, what happened to him? - I don't know, honey.
Mr.
Bodewell? Dad? Jason? Jason? Yes? - Dad! - Dad! Mr.
Bodewell! - Jason, are you okay? - Yeah, I think we're okay.
- This is my puppy.
- He's a nice one.
Merry Christmas.
And now it's time for the opening of the Seaver family Christmas-Eve presents.
Oh, now, remember, I didn't buy any of these presents so if you don't like your present, it's not my fault.
- Walter.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, here.
- Yeah.
- Better.
Better.
Okay, this one's for Carol.
This one's for Mike.
"Dear Mike, this has been handed down in our family "for three generations to each man as he comes of age.
" A razor.
I think we better switch.
What, and break family tradition? Now one for Mom - and - Oh, thank you.
one for Dad.
- Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
All right.
- "Most Improved Cook of the Year.
" - Yes.
That mean you all want me to make Christmas dinner? - No, thanks.
- It's okay, sweetheart.
- Thanks anyway.
- We love you.
Is this the exciting and romantic gift I've been waiting all day for? That's the one.
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