Mike.
Mike.
Mike, I'm trying to talk on the phone.
Right.
I didn't even notice, Carol.
Sorry.
Neat! Michael! Hi, guys.
Good afternoon, Father.
Oh, it's allowance day.
- It is? - Oh? What do you know? You kids really think you can con me.
I'm sorry, Father, I couldn't hear you.
I was dusting.
Please.
Okay.
Here's your blood money.
All right.
Just don't think for a minute I bought into your act and thanks for going to the trouble of trying to deceive me.
Anytime.
And it warms my heart to know that this room will be clean and the laundry neatly folded by the time your mom gets home.
Hey, Dad, you gave me too much Me, too.
He gave me double.
Yeah, me, too.
Hey, I don't like this.
Something smells rotten.
It's Ben.
No, it's February.
Remember? Yeah, it's Dad's annual birthday scam.
The old man thinks he's going to con us into spending all this on him.
Poor guy.
- So, Carol, what are you going to get him? - I'm not telling.
What, another preppy shirt like you get him every year? How, oh, how, will I ever top that? Well, I've got the perfect present.
What? I'm giving Dad the ashtray I created in school.
Great present for a guy who doesn't smoke.
Yeah, well, what are you going to get him? - All right, you guys ready for this? - Sure.
- A book.
- Dad already has a book.
Oh, my God, that's right.
I wish me a happy birthday I wish me a happy birthday I wish me a happy birthday 'Cause I'm such a cool guy - Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi, honey.
How was your day? My day.
Listen, the old miracle-worker here had a major breakthrough with a patient I've been treating for two years now.
Is that the vacuum cleaner? Yeah.
Yeah, the kids are cleaning.
- So, anyway, this patient - All of them? Yeah.
So let me tell you about this guy.
Now, he was terrified of his own bodily fluids How did you get them to do it? I'm a master communicator.
- So how was your day? - Fair.
Nothing exciting happened with any of your patients? No, no, no.
- So how was your day? - Fantastic.
Fred Mathis called me into his office and assigned me an entire series for next week.
Really? "Let's get serious about raw sewage.
" Wow! I'm so excited.
Didn't you already do a story about waste? Well, I guess when they think of sewage, they think of me.
So, anyway, I'm really going to have my hands full this weekend.
This weekend? - Saturday? - Yep.
February the 8th? Yes.
Why? Do we have plans I don't know about? No, unless it just might be a special day for someone.
Oh, that's right.
How could I have forgotten? Presidents' Day.
So how was your day, sweetheart? All right now, Carol, if we both keep our heads we can get through this birthday without losing our shirts.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to mention shirts, Carol.
So how much you spending? I don't know.
How much you gonna spend? - As much as it takes.
- Okay, but not over $10.
$10? I only get $2 a week.
Okay, I can live with $10.
Of course, with a card it might cost a little more.
- Did I say $10? - Carol.
- Mike.
- All right, all right.
$11.
- $12.
- $12.
50.
- $15.
- Carol.
All right, okay.
$25.
$40.
$200.
Now, I know it's not Valentine's Day.
That's the 14th.
I said never mind.
Come on, Jason, give me a hint.
No, if I have to do that, it ruins it.
Hi, punkinhead.
Well, Ben.
You're just in time.
Would you please remind your mother exactly what Saturday is? - Groundhog's Day? - That does it.
I'm going to my office where people not only appreciate me they light candles on the day I was born.
You'd think after 17 years, he'd know that I wouldn't forget his birthday.
Wow, Ben.
You folded this all by your Who drooled all over the laundry? - You got a minute, Mom? - Sure, honey.
I don't have enough money to get Dad anything good this year.
Well, didn't he double your allowance this week? Yeah, but you can't get anything for $4, nowadays.
Where you been? Honey, it's not how much you spend.
Tell that to Mike and Carol.
Look, Ben I can't afford to get your father that Mercedes 450SL he's always wanted.
So I'm getting him a nice fishing rod and he knows I love him, so he'll love it.
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