9. 185810 - Carol's Crush (第1季)【完整台词】

Here she comes and she's mad! Have you finished moving your science project, Carol? You bet! We're sorry, sweetheart.

But we needed the guest room.

So you throw my volcano out on the street? That's wrong, Mom.

I say we keep the volcano, and just throw Carol out onto the street! Carol, we're all sorry.

It's just that Jeff's law school interview got moved up a week.

- These things happen.

- Well, I've cleaned it up as best I could.

If he finds any soot in his bed, he can sue me! Boy, Jeff must be 23 by now? I don't think we've seen him since Fred and Doris moved to Ohio - what, five, six years ago? - Yeah.

Hope they've resolved that situation with his teeth.

Oh, yeah! Now, I remember this guy! "Hi! I'm Jeff!" Can it, you guys! Now, Jeff's a nice boy and while he's in our house I expect you to treat him like one of the family.

Better yet, treat him like a human being.

- Probably him.

- No, please, don't get up! I rather enjoy doing all the work in the house.

Carol, be nice.

Come on, Dad! When have you ever known me not to be - nice.

- Carol? Boy, somebody's really grown up! And somebody's really been to an orthodontist.

Well, after I graduated, I decided to do some traveling in South America.

- Give us the highlights! - Well, I went to Carnival in Rio then I did some rock-climbing in the Andes, and then I got dysentery in Bogotá! That sounds fascinating! You've obviously never had dysentery.

So, tell us about Brazil, Jeff? I've always wanted to go there.

It was spectacular.

The people, the history, the culture.

I hear they got a lot of nude beaches there.

Mike! He's so immature.

Nude beaches aren't so great, Mike.

Yeah, where are you supposed to keep your keys? You can hang them on your I was going to say "ear.

" Okay, we're ready for a little Trivial Pursuit.

Great! What are the teams? Hey, I'm not getting stuck with Ben again.

When he doesn't know the answer, he gets huffy.

I do not! Okay, Ben, I'll be on your team.

Oh, great! Now I have to carry Dad again.

Wait a minute, Jeff's our guest.

He should get to pick.

- Yeah, Jeff, you pick! - Okay, one question: Who wrote Gulliver's Travels, what's the chemical formula for sulfuric acid and where's Tierra del Fuego? Jonathan Swift, H2SO4, the southernmost tip of Argentina! There's my partner! - What's so funny? - I was just thinking about Carol and Jeff last night.

She has such a crush on him.

No! Well, I remember Miss White, my seventh-grade biology teacher.

'Course, that was more of a relationship than a crush.

And I bet every boy in your class had the same "relationship.

" No! I was different! I was the only guy allowed to clean out the hamster cage.

- Sounds pretty torrid.

- It was in her apartment.

Well, I found that road map.

Now, I really have to visit Aunt Vera.

Aunt Vera's the one who's always dreaming up those fatal diseases? You name it, she's almost died from it! And now, for the Huntington Huskies! He's number 68 in your program, and number one in your hearts.

It's Ben "The Sandman" Seaver! Sandman, all of America wants to know, why do they call you "The Sandman"? Because when I hit them, I put them to sleep! - What position do you play, Ben? - Defensive tackle.

One of the big boys, huh? What do you tip the scales at, 280? 285? Seventy-three and a half.

Today he goes against the biggest offensive lineman in the league! Yeah, "Jumbo Jimbo" Luzetski.

They say he can eat a whole cheeseburger in one sitting.

Hey, last chance, Jeff.

Sure you don't wanna join us for some pee wee football? Yeah and you don't even have to watch the game.

Most guys just watch the Pee-wee-ettes! I'd really love to, guys, but I promised my Aunt Vera I'd stop by so she could do this for half an hour: "Oh, Jeffy, I'll be dead soon.

Why don't you call more?" Hey, if she's dead when you get there, why don't you swing on by the game? - Mike! - Just kidding.

- Well, we're about ready.

Where's Carol? - You want me to get her for you, Mom? Yo! Rhinobreath! Thank you, Mike.

Mike, you are such a Oh, hi, Jeff! - Hi! - Carol, you ready to go to the game? I've got to watch my banana bread cool.

Well, Carol, I'm no physicist, but I think it can manage without you.

I can't abandon it now, Dad.

I've been with this bread since it was dough! Well, okay.

Let's go, team! - Bye, guys! - So long.

- Well, I'm out of here.

- What do you have planned for today? Well, gonna visit a relative then I'm gonna meet a friend in the city for dinner and a show.

What are you going to see? - The new Gershwin revue.

- I just love Gershwin.

His music is so musical.

Hello? No, there's no "Spudbrain" here.

Carol, I think that's for me.

Thanks.

Yo, Tommy, buddy, bro! You jerk! What am I supposed to do with these two tickets? Fine, yeah.

Great.

Good talking to you, too, Spudbrain.

Bye.

- Carol? - Yeah, Jeff? What are you doing tonight? - Eating banana bread.

- Darn.

Shoot.

Heck.

- I was hoping you weren't busy.

- I can get out of it.

Would you like to see the Gershwin revue tonight? Gee.

Shucks.

Such short notice! - What the heck! - Great.

Pick you up at your place? You know where I live? Let's see, second door from the bathroom! - Right.

- Gotcha! Someday he'll come along The man I love And he'll be going to NYU Law School in the fall The man I love The man I love Hut two! He looks downfield he's got the wily old veteran in the open! Perfect pass, mediocre catch and wait Yes, another tackle for Ben "The Meat Cleaver" Seaver! - Are you guys hungry? - Not me.

I had Jumbo Jim for lunch! All right.

Somebody get this kid a cheeseburger.

- A whole one? - Yeah, and make it raw! Hey, I hate to sound like a mother here but you guys won't be happy until you've broken something, will you? - Nope! - No.

Okay, team, hit the showers! Okay, Ben.

Punting practice is in the living room! - All right! - Joke, Mom, joke! So, have you heard what your daughter has planned for tonight? Not cross-indexing her National Geographics again.

No.

She's going to dinner and the theater in the city with Jeff.

That sounds a lot like a date.

I'm afraid that's what Carol thinks.

And Jeff just thinks he's taking his little friend Carol out to see a show.

You got it! Well, we shouldn't be too protective and tell her she can't go.

She'll be crushed.

Yeah, but if we let her go and then she finds out she's taking it all wrong she'll be crushed.

Well, at least she'll get to see a good show first.

- Jason - Well, Maggie, maybe Carol isn't quite as carried away as we think.

I'm sure, on some level, she realizes Jeff's an adult and she's still a child.

Look at this.

Holy cow! Thank you.

Thank you.