16. 185981 - My Brother, Myself (第2季)【完整台词】

Let's go, let's go, let's go! We're gonna be late! Ben, do you have to yell? Sure, I'm excited.

Well, then, go outside.

BEN: What the heck's taking so long? We've gotta move! Get back inside, Ben.

I'm sorry, Dad, I lost control.

Yes, and everyone on the block knows it.

I can't help it.

How many kids get to spend their Friday night at a live taping of The Cosby Show? I know, I'm excited too, Ben, but you don't hear me yelling.

Come on, let's go! What's taking Mom and Carol so darn long? I guess you're finally old enough to hear this.

-What? -Women are always late.

-Why? -No one knows, Ben.

It's just the way it is and always has been.

We could leave without them.

This is it, the next thing you have to learn about women, Ben they hate when you ditch them.

-Why are they always late? -I didn't say women made sense.

What? I said they make tremendous sense.

Ha, ha.

Let's face it, Ben, they're just better than us.

Oh, you look great.

Does she look great? You look-- I'm gonna start the car.

Do we have to wait for Carol too? -She's your sister.

-So? All set.

How do I look? Great.

Mike, we're leaving.

Okay, you guys have fun.

Hey, Carol, come on, aren't you gonna get ready? May your date tonight turn out to be the most embarrassing event of your entire life.

Mike, I don't get it.

How could you go and mess around with some stupid girl when you could see the taping of the number one show on TV? When puberty hits, you'll get it, Ben.

Dad already told me about girls.

I'm not impressed.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] Wasn't that a great ending? Ha, ha.

I missed it.

I can't believe I missed it.

Oh, no.

Puberty.

[CLOCK CHIMES] MIKE: All right, I made it.

[SCREAMS] What the? Ben, what are you doing? Mike, I had to talk to you and I didn't wanna miss you.

You almost killed me.

But, Mike, something weird happened tonight.

-What? -Puberty.

-Get out of here.

-I'm not kidding.

I mean, there I was laughing, having a great time.

I look over and there's this girl, and she's looking at me real funny and she goes: And, bang, I heard this weird kind of music and everything looked goofy and I was sweating.

I felt, I don't know, kind of like my body didn't quite fit anymore.

Yep, that's puberty, all right.

It was gross.

How do I stop it? Ah, you can't, Ben.

See, nobody stops puberty.

Well, how long does it last? You never know, I mean, it could last forever.

Look at Michael J.

Fox.

Well, I'm confused.

Yeah, you gotta learn to live with it, Ben.

-Like you have? -Right.

But I don't wanna make a jerk out of myself every time a girl walks into the room.

-Who says I do that? -Mom.

You're just gonna have to take my word on this one.

Now, puberty is fantastic.

I mean, it's like an amusement park filled with girls.

But I hate girls.

Oh, come on, Ben, think about that.

Do you really hate girls? Yes! No! -No, I don't hate girls! -Easy, easy.

But, Mike, I don't know anything about girls.

What do I say to them? -Ben, listen-- -Explain girls, Mike, please, please, please.

-You're gonna have to talk to Dad, okay? -I can't do that, Mike.

This is private, help me.

Okay, look, Ben, I'll be straight with you.

Dad made me promise that if you ever came to me with any questions on sex I wouldn't say a word.

Who's talking about sex? I wanna know about girls.

Hi.

MAGGIE: Good morning, Benny.

Are you wearing aftershave? Yeah.

-Why? -I don't know.

Would you guys mind if I didn't talk? I've got stuff to think about.

Think away.

Jason, you know what would be fun? -Tonight, you and I go out on a date.

-Date? You remember those? We used to have them when we were teenagers.

-Those.

-Yeah, we get all dressed up.

Go out for a nice dinner, a little dancing.

I mean, how long has it been since we've done that? How old is Mike? How about it, sailor? Oh, I don't know.

Ben, what do you think? You got any advice? I don't even know what you're supposed to do on a date.

-Well, you go out, have a good time.

-Doing what? Well, it doesn't matter exactly what you're doing, Ben.

What matters is that you're spending time with the one who captured your heart.

How do you know she's captured your heart? -She pays.

-Jason.

Kidding.

You know I'm kidding, don't you, Ben? Oh, yeah.

-Well, then, you got a date, honey.

-Oh, great.

I'll go call a sitter.

I don't need a babysitter.

MAGGIE: Yes, you do, Ben.

-Dad? -We've been through this before, Ben.

Oh, great, a whole stupid boring night with a 12-year-old girl.

Hmm.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO] Hey, babe, what's happening? How come you're talking to yourself? I'm not talking to myself, I'm just rehearsing my moves.

-What are moves? -They're what you put on girls.

Oh, yeah.