It's okay.
I really didn't want it anymore, anyway.
This tutoring stuff's a bad idea.
My head's too thick.
No, no, no, understanding Shakespeare is a very difficult thing to do.
You know, when I first read his plays, I was lost for months.
Ruined my entire sixth grade year.
You read this stuff in the sixth grade? I'm weird, okay? No, no, no, you're smart.
Boy, spending this much time with me must really be boring for you, huh? Not really.
-So where were we? -Everybody was dead.
Dinner in half an hour, Ben.
Tuna surprise.
[BEN YELLING] MIKE: Hey, guys.
Hey, Mike.
Dad told me about your A in health.
JASON: Yeah.
Come on, Mike, let's hear those four basic food groups.
Maybe later, Dad.
I'm gonna shoot a few, okay? Where's Carol? Upstairs in her bedroom with a football player.
Football player? Our son has a very weird sense of humor.
Oh, yeah, little Carol.
-Bye, Mom, Dad, this is Bobby.
-Pleased to meet you.
The football player? Yeah, you heard of me? Yeah, I just didn't believe it.
Carol, what's going on here? I'm tutoring Bobby.
Oh, well, that makes sense.
Yeah, Carol's translating this Shakespeare guy into English.
Nice to meet you, Bobby.
The pleasure was extinctly mine, Mrs.
Seaver.
-Mr.
Seaver.
-Yo, football.
Oh, Carol, I'll see you tomorrow? Thanks again.
-Nice boy.
-Yeah.
-Certainly was polite.
-Yeah.
-And cute.
-Yeah.
You're doing great, Maggie.
So, what do you think of him? Oh, Mom, I'm just tutoring him.
He's not my type, okay? I swear, I don't know where you ever get the idea I'd be attracted to body-- Bobby.
No reason to get excited, honey.
So you were alone in your bedroom with a boy, so what? If there's anybody we can trust in a situation like that, it's you.
That's right, honey.
-You trust me? -You bet.
What a rotten thing for you to say.
I mean we have faith in you.
Why does everybody always think I'm gonna do the right thing? So you're saying that you're interested in Bobby? Haven't you heard a word I've said? He has none of the qualities I would look for in a boy.
Well, what are those qualities? He'd have to be an intellectual, at least as smart as I am, if not smarter.
He'd have to be sensitive and vulnerable with a full understanding of the universe and our place in it.
Well, we're safe.
She's eliminated everybody but Carl Sagan.
"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the ea--" What do you want? Can you explain what that means? Well, it's an analogy, wherein Shakespeare likens the presence of Juliet to that of the rising sun, you chucklehead.
[BELL RINGING] Okay, I want you to read the first act of Much Ado About Nothing.
And be prepared to talk about what all the ado is about.
Oh, great, more homework.
It's only Tuesday and I'm already getting behind.
Speaking of getting behind, anybody wanna go watch the boys' swim team practice after school? That is so dumb.
Carol, don't you ever have any fun? -I'll see you after school at your place.
-Okay.
-She does.
-She does.
So, like, what is this Bobby Winnet situation? There's no situation.
I'm just tutoring him.
Oh, well, that figures.
And what is that supposed to mean? Well, I don't know.
Oh, come on, Carol, don't have a cow.
Everybody knows you're.
Immaculate.
Immaculate? You know, wholesome.
Oh, there are worse things to be like fat.
Well, for your information Bobby and I did our studying all evening in my bedroom.
And the subject was Romeo and Juliet, if you get my meaning.
And maybe I don't have to ogle the boys' swim team and act like a little girl when I can be a woman at home.
Whoa! Carrie, Carrie, Carrie, guess what.
Carol Seaver spent the night with Bobby, the Bod.
Really? -Hello? -It's me, Dad, your favorite kid.
Oh, well, come on in, Carol.
Hardy-har-har-har.
So how was school today? Okay.
Dad, we got big trouble.
Mike, what happened to you? You'll have to leave.
Me and Dad got man talk.
What am I, a Muppet? -Mike, you look like you've been in a fight.
-Oh, yeah.
-Who with? -My sixth period speech class.
You fought the whole class? I don't know.
I was on the bottom of the pile.
My fight is not important right now, neither is my suspension.
You were suspended? Yeah, look, all right.
At the start of class, Eddie comes up to me and asks if I heard the news.
I say, "What news?" He says, "About Carol.
" Well, you know me, I'm always ready for a good Carol nerd story.
Then he starts saying this disgusting stuff about Carol.
So I keep smiling, see, waiting for the punchline.
Only he's not kidding.
I don't know what happened.
The next thing I know, I was punching Eddie out.
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