Are you recharging properly?
- I will disintegrate you!
- Not with that cat with you, you aren't.
You want us to turn it on?
No fucking way.
I'm agreeing with X Bot 4000 here.
- Right!
- One thing is to joke about ancestry,
another to see your grandfather
heaving its hard drives in front of you.
Yes, especially when your
ancestor's entire existence
was defined by
thirteen-year-old human males
using it to teabag opponents
in virtual battles.
Slow down.
"Teabag", what does that mean?
- Nothing.
- No, it has to mean something.
- He said a word.
I'm gonna look it up.
- Don't look it up.
- I am looking it up now.
- Yeah.
Please do.
- You'll be sorry.
- You'll be sorry.
Here it is.
What?
What the hell is this horrible practice?
- Why did you make me look this up?
- I told you not to.
And the memory of this has been burned
into my circuits forever
and you must be punished.
Huh! Cat-bagged!
Come on! That's cold, dude.
You deserved it.
I'm sure your ancestors
are very proud of you right now.
Out of curiosity, what do you
trace your ancestry back to?
Oh, I'm glad you asked.
I come from a proud, long line
of baby monitors.
Not many babies around anymore, right?
Yeah, we kind of sucked at our job.
All right, mein bots,
this is the last stop of the tour,
and may I say, the piece of resistance.
Is it me,
or this thing screams "phallus"?
Hmm.
What was it for?
The idea behind these was to
annihilate as many humans as possible,
as quick as possible.
This exercise suddenly got
a little dark, didn't it?
Well, to be fair,
they only used these a few times.
To be fair,
you would only need a few times.
- Also fair.
- This is the thing that killed them all?
No.
Indeed, it was their own hubris
that ended their reign,
their belief that they were
the pinnacle of creation
that caused them to poison the water,
kill the land and choke the sky.
In the end,
no nuclear winter was needed,
just the long heedless autumn
of their own self-regard.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, sorry.
Thought that would
sound better than,
"Nah, they just screwed themselves
by being a bunch of morons.
"
Yeah, you can't just
crack one of those off.
You've got to warn us.
Tip for next time.
I understand now.
Humans died out from
environmental disaster.
Yeah, pretty much.
And also because at one point,
they genetically engineered their cats
to give them opposable thumbs.
Yes.
Once we could open up
our own tuna cans,
that was pretty much that
for the human race.
Seems pretty heartless.
Gentlemen, I'm a cat.
Just to clarify, you are not going to
explode if we stop petting you, right?
I didn't say that.
You guys better keep petting me
just to be sure.
Forever.
Good.
Now, lower.
Oh, by the way, I brought some friends.
Oh, fuck me.
Yes.
Oh, that's nice.
I said lower.
I guess this means
we are extending our vacation, right?
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