1
Jay and I are partners in a parking lot.
It's added a wonderful, new
dynamic to our relationship.
The first step was hiring
someone to man the booth.
We narrowed it down to the
two candidates who applied.
I don't think it should be,
"I hope there's a place to park
"near where I love to have lunch.
"
I think it should be,
"I hope there's a place to have lunch
"near where I love to park.
"
(chuckling) Huh?
(laughs)
Phil: So, Tibor,
tell us why you're excited
about a career in parking.
Is good.
That's a tough one.
My top three
(exhales sharply)
- Destiny's Child
- Oh.
- Janet Jackson
- Yes.
and my fave Metallica.
Oh, my goodness, you are so complex.
Tibor, what are your
favorite kinds of music?
Tibor.
Is good?
(dance music plays)
- Oh-oh.
- (chuckles)
Well, I think the choice is clear.
- Joan.
- Tibor.
- Tibor?
- I like his energy.
- He doesn't have any.
- Well, I like Joan.
She's fun.
Take her to the movies.
This is a business.
Uh-oh.
Looks like we're at a stand-off.
God, not the coin.
Even super-duper pals like
Jay and I disagree sometimes,
so I dreamed up this baby.
If it comes up Phil, I win.
If it comes up Jay, he wins.
He hated this, but I told him,
"The coin adds 10 pounds.
"
(horn honking)
Haley: So, how hard-core
is this march going to be?
Just a peaceful gathering of women
working towards the
same goal of equality.
We're not burning bras or anything.
Good, 'cause I just got my first one.
I'm not torching it
before Naomi's sleepover.
This is a really exciting
time for you, Lily.
This is your first taste of feminism.
We're all here as your mentors
or "womentors".
Hmm?
Come on, I just coined that.
We fake-laughed at "sheroic.
"
The well is dry.
This stupid traffic!
Look at all these women
in these cars, Lily.
It's so inspiring.
All for one!
- One for all
- I am gonna cut around these idiots!
- (tires screech)
- (horn honking)
(bumping, yelling)
What was that?
Somebody shot out the tire!
Really? That's where you go with this?
(beeping) It was a pothole.
(sighs) The dashboard is going crazy.
- It's a flat tire.
Perfect.
- (beeping continues)
I wouldn't know about "flat.
"
Jay: Phil! Phil!
We have a problem.
Aww "we"?
I'm trying to get to that bakery
that makes those bear claws.
That chatterbox you and your coin hired
is clogging up our parking lot.
(tires squeal)
Oh, great.
There goes eight bucks.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Is this an official partners' meeting?
Hold on.
(clears throat)
Good morning and welcome.
Partners present
- Phil Dunphy
- Put down your stupid notebook.
You're the one who wanted to hire her.
You've got to tell her to
speed it up or hit the road.
I want you to know that I hear you
and will address this post-haste.
Now, if we could move on
to some unfinished business
from the last meeting, um
"My feelings are still hurt
"from you telling me
"all the places you
want me to put the coin.
"
Ah, it's after ten o'clock
too late to eat a bear claw now,
I'll be too sugared up for my nap.
Everything's ruined.
(engine revs)
(sewing machine whirring)
Hey.
You look busy.
Oh, yeah, well, I'm just
putting the finishing touches
on the costumes for this
year's school musical.
You mean the one that's
supposedly based on your life,
but is a beat-for-beat
rip-off of "The Wizard of Oz"?
Mine is the story of
a precocious farm kid
who takes a magical
journey to the big city.
How is that "Wizard of Oz"?
Cam, you have a Tin Man.
That's our high-school mascot.
We were the Mighty Milk Jugs.
- You know this.
- (door opens)
Hi, Pam.
Hey, y'all.
Listen, upstairs in the kitchen
- Mm-hmm.
- is there, um
one of those, uh
you know, things that, uh
Wait, what were you asking me?
- Pam, are are you okay?
- Oh, honey, you look exhausted.
(sighs) The baby didn't sleep again
- last night.
- (both sigh)
I'll tell you, I haven't
been this out of sorts
since that twister lifted up our house.
- Told ya.
- That wind was so strong
- it shucked all our corn.
- Mm-hmm.
It was like whenev
(snores)
- She sleeping?
- No, she's fine.
Our plough horse used
to do the same thing.
(Calhoun crying)
- Baby's crying.
- Okay, why don't I put this on pause.
I'll come up and help
you out for a little bit.
Oh, maybe Mitchell should help.
- He's just so good with baby Calhoun.
- Aww.
I ought to call you
"Uncle Secret Touch".
That seems like a "500 feet away
from a playground" kind of nickname.
But I will be happy to help.
Okay, well, I'll just be down
here, in case nobody needs me.
(crying continues)
Hey, wh-why don't you head upstairs.
I-I'll be right up, okay?
Oh, thank you.
You know, you try to hide it,
but you are a sensitive soul
"Uncle Sneaky Feeler".
Yeah, before we go wide with that,
- let's, um not.
Okay.
- (door closes)
(sewing machine whirs)
- Cam.
- (whirring stops)
What? I think it's great
that she's asking you
to help out with baby Cal
instead of his own flesh and blood.
I guess the only thing I'm good for
is putting on a wig and taking her SATs.
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