4. M. Night Shaym-Aliens! (第1季)【完整台词】

Corrections by XhmikosR This is just sloppy craftsmanship.

Hey, Rick.

Boy, sure is really especially beautiful out there today, huh? Oh, yes, Morty.

It's almost unbelievable, isn't it? Yeah, you know? There's something about the air and just the way the sunshine is.

Uh, sure, buddy.

Yeah.

Sure.

Brilliant.

- Very convincing.

- Convincing? Oh.

Responsive, too.

In real time.

I love it.

Uhh okay.

I'm going to work.

Morty, good morning.

Dad, good morning.

I am going to work.

Goodbye.

- What's with mom? - Oh, what's with mom? So, you're saying that she's acting weird? How sophisticated.

Careful, guys.

You're gonna burn out the CPU with this one.

Okay, you know what, Rick? You're acting weird, too.

Whatever, quote-unquote "Morty.

" All right, well I'll see you after school.

Ow! Oof! Ugh! Damn it! I'm all right.

I'm okay.

All right, who can tell me what 5 x 9 is? Morty? Uh, me? What is 5 x 9? Umm you know, it's uhh at least 40.

Morty, that's exactly correct! Come up here.

Whoo! Way to go, Morty! Everybody, this is the best student.

I want you to be the teacher today.

Teach us, Morty! Interesting.

What do you want me to teach you? Ooh, ooh! How do you make concentrated dark matter? Oh, that's a good question.

Concentrated huh? Concentrated dark matter the fuel for accelerated space travel.

Now, do you know how to make it? Umm Come on, Morty.

Isn't your grandpa, like, a scientist? Oh, yeah, but, you know, he told me that I shouldn't go around spouting off about, you know, his science and stuff.

I bet you've seen him make concentrated dark matter a lot.

You know, if you tell us, I'll be your girlfriend.

Uh, y-you will? Seems like a rare opportunity, Morty.

Morty, u-uh, come on.

- There's a family emergency.

- Stop right there! If he leaves, I'm giving him an "F".

- He doesn't care.

- Aw, man! Rick, I have to go back! I think I was about to get married! Ugh! Take a shower with me, Morty.

- What?! - Listen to me, Morty.

Get your clothes off and get in the shower right now.

You got to trust me, Morty.

Ugh! I'm gonna get an "F" in class, Rick.

Morty, that's not class.

That wasn't your teacher.

This isn't your school.

This entire world is not the world.

We're inside a huge simulation chamber on an alien spaceship.

Wait a minute.

W-what are you talking about? It's all fake, Morty all of it.

Nanobotic renderings, a bunch of crazy fake nonsense, Morty.

I couldn't say so until we got in the shower.

They won't monitor us in here.

Monitor us?! W-who?! Zigerion scammers, Morty.

The galaxy's most ambitious, least successful con artists.

You know, it's lucky for us they're also really uncomfortable with nudity.

Aw, come on, Rick.

If everyone's just gonna be insane today, at least let me be insane with Jessica.

I can't let you do that, Morty.

Give it to me! No! You give it to me! G-g-give it! No, Rick! Oh, God, sir! They're still naked! Ugh.

Well, check every five quintons and tell me when they're not.

I think we should make Kevin look, sir.

What?! No! Why would you even say that? Uh, sir, we have a situation over here.

If there's a wiener on that monitor, I swear to God, stu Something is drawing a lot of processing power.

Oh, wait.

No wonder.

There's another real human in the simulator.

Okay, Jerry big pitch meeting.

Make-or-break time.

You can do this.

How did this happen?! Where's the abductions department? Hey, man, abductions just follows the acquisition order.

Don't put this on acquisitions! We only acquire humans that haven't been simulated! Well, simulations doesn't simulate anybody that's been abducted, so Oh, I see! Oh, oh! It was no one's fault.

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry.

Well, then, problem solved.

Oh, wait no.

There's still another human in here! Who is he? Rick's son-in-law, Jerry Smith.

So far, he hasn't noticed he's in a simulation.

Well, cap his sector at 5% processing, keep his settings on auto, and we'll deal with him later.

Rick Sanchez is the target.

Got to relax.

It's just a pitch.

Got to relax.

This is earth radio.

And now, here's human music.

Hmm.

Human music.

I like it.

Rick! Uhp, uhp, uhp! Morty, keep your hands off your ding-dong! It's the only way we can speak freely.

Look around you, Morty.

Do you really think this world is real? You'd have to be an idiot not to notice all the sloppy details.

Look that guy's putting a bun between two hot dogs.

I don't know, Rick.

I mean, I've seen people do that before.

Well, look at that old lady.