3. Auto Erotic Assimilation (第2季)【完整台词】

Oh, yeah! I want yooooooou! Go, son, go! Go, son, go! Go, son, go! Oh, real nice.

Real nice.

How does a man do this without me noticing? Oh, you know my dad once he puts his mind to something.

You're spinning this to his credit? I'm going down there.

- Jerry-- - Beth, this is my house, which makes this my garage, my secret hatch, my hidden subterranean lair, and my faceless gargler.

Now, are you gonna keep hating this playa or are you gonna jack my steez? Okay, you're just making stuff up now.

Ugh.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Ugh! Oh, Rick.

That was so bad.

What's this "was" stuff? I just need to hydrate, then we're doing that again.

- Oh, damn.

- Listen, if this is an invasion, I got to sit this one out, but I'll be back to have sex with the survivors.

It's a neighboring hive-mind species, beta seven.

Our planets maintain a practical alliance for exchange of vital resources, so be nice.

Unity, is it a bad time? Are all present life forms assimilated? Beta seven, this is my single-minded friend from Earth, Rick.

Rick Sanchez.

Unity has spoken of you.

All bad, I hope.

Ha ha! Bleeeeeeeeeh! Oh, Jesus Christ.

Beta seven, if my allies are a problem for you, perhaps our alliance is, as well.

Our alliance is beneficial.

When beta seven expresses concern, it's only because-- Oh, snap! Powdered neutronium? Amphetetron? You know I can make with this stuff? Oh, Rick, I-- I shouldn't.

Come on.

It's not every day that I'm town.

It's for old time's sake.

Uh Okay, what the hell.

We can purify the resin and make fractal dust.

Oh, I was thinking velocitinis, but-- Aw, old man Rick can't party with a whole planet? I can do whatever you do and more, baby.

You know, I think beta seven over there is hoping your alliance can be more than practical.

Stop.

Well, this explains the $6,000 electric bill.

Whoa! Well, nice.

Real nice.

Alien prisoners under the house.

Real nice.

Nice.

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeal-- God damn it, stop.

Wake up, people! You have to fight it! You're under the spell of an evil monster! - I can hear you.

- Yeah, so you keep saying.

- Summer! - Wake up! You have to have some individuality left in there! Why do you hate me, Summer? I'm not talking you.

I'm talking to Steven Phillips.

Steven, set yourself free.

Summer, before I took over this planet, this man was a registered sex offender.

Yeah? Well, so what? At least he was himself.

This woman was a drug addict on the verge of suicide.

Now she's a marine biologist.

Listen, Unity, I don't think my sister's trying to say that life would be perfect without you.

I think she's just saying that life would be, you know, life.

I have transformed life here into a paradise.

Prostitutes are now scientists.

The homeless are now "phisosophers".

Oh.

Oh.

"Ph-phisosophers"? Nice.

- Philopol phiphophopher - Oh, my god.

Where did you learn to talk, you grandpa-stealing slut? I'm feeling Ugh.

Oh, man, let me help all of you guys up.

I'm fine.

Do you know what I love about you, Rick? You're the only single mind I've met that really sees the big picture.

You got that right.

But, baby, listen y-you're talking about taking over planets and galaxies.

You got to just remember to let go sometimes, you know? I can let go.

Hey, look.

You see that town across the river? Watch this.

- Whoa! - Ha ha! Whoo! Whoa! That's not what I meant! It's okay.

It's okay.

I evacuated.

I evacuated the town.

Look.

Hey! We're right here.

We're fine.

Oh, that was awesome.

My my grandkids weren't in that town, right? A-are my grandkids alive? M-my drink is empty.

- Unity, what's happening? - Who's Unity? You kids have nice feet.

Mind if I take a picture? Gross.

No.

I think you're getting what you wanted, Summer.

Something's happening to Unity.

Do all of you remember who you are? Yeah, uh, my name is Ron Benson.

I'm an electrical engineer, father of two, and, as you can see from my flat, concentric nipple rings, I'm a member of this planet's top race! Okay, that's good.

Uh, don't focus too much on the last part, but-- I'm Daryl Jefferson.

I'm a landscaper.

And I'll be damned if that ripple-nipple bitch's race is superior! The cone-nipple people will rule this world! You shut your mouth, you dirty knife-nipple bastards.

What'd you say to me, you target-chest piece of [bleep]? Race war! Ugh! Why are you fighting?! Can't you see you're all the same? Oh, Summer.

First race war, huh? Way to go, Summer.

You started a race war.

I didn't start it! They're the racists.

I merely empowered them to follow their apparently misguided dreams.

Okay, thanks for clarifying.

I'll have a super-accurate headstone now.

Hey, wait what race are you guys? We're neither.

S-see? Yeah, take my word for it.

We just have regular nipples.

Hey, these two freaks have no race! Oh, there's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

Remember, Summer? - From Dorothy and the tiny people movie? - Yes, yes.

- All the tiny people.

- Dorothy, take us away.