- Hai! I saved Ghost in a Jar's life in Vietnam.
- Boo rah! - And, Beth, how many times have I been a shoulder for you to cry on? Too many.
Okay, so maybe we're just all fake.
That don't make no sense! Or maybe there's only one deceiver here-- The person that keeps telling us the path to salvation is being held prisoner and mistrusting each other.
Hey, don't blame me! I tried to shoot Summer I know we all have beloved memories of Rick, but are we really supposed to believe that a mad scientist inventor with a flying car just showed up on our doorstep after being gone for years? Yeah, you know, he does have a lot of really weird, made-up sounding catchphrases.
Wubba lubba dub dub! Ricky ticky tavi, beyotch! And that's the wa-a-a-a-y the news goes.
Hit the sack, Jack.
Uh-oh! Somersault jump.
AIDS! And that's why I always say shum shum shlippedy dop! Grassss tastes bad-ah.
No jumpin' in the sewer.
Burger time! Rubber baby baby bunkers! Lick, lick, lick my balls! Yeah! Say that all the time.
That's a fake-ass catchphrase right there.
Yeah, don't forget his incredibly vague back story.
Beth, I'm your father! Oh, are you, dad? Are you? Rick, if you want to prove you're real, just do what any of the rest of us would do and-- And-- and open the blast shields and let us the hell out of here! Why don't you make me, implausibly naive pubescent boy with an old Jewish comedy writer's name? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! In your face! Give me the gun.
I'm not doing this in front of Pencilvester.
Bring him to the garage.
You listen to me, you son of a bitch parasite scum.
We could either do this the easy way or the hard way.
You know, y-y-y-- Do you want to live? Then open the blast shield doors.
Shut up, Morty, you brainwashed, little turd that might not even be real because I'm brainwashed, too.
You know, Rick, this isn't easy for us.
You know, w-we all remember you as a friend.
Oh, oh, oh, really? Well, I remember you as a whiny, little piece of shit, Morty! - Oh-- oh, yeah? - Yeah! I've got about a thousand memories of your dumb, little ass and about six of them are pleasant.
The rest is annoying garbage.
So why don't you do us both a favor and pull the trigger? Do it! Do it, mother[bleep]! Pull the [bleep] trigger! Oh, wow.
Baby wizard was a parasite? He set me up with my wife.
What the hell? I figured it out, Rick! The parasites can only create pleasant memories.
I know you're real because I have a ton of bad memories with you! These memories that we have These memories that we cherish I wish that we can go back to that time Ooh, ooh, ooh Holy crap, Morty, you're right.
Isn't that what you were trying to make me understand by yelling at me? Well, yeah, duh-doy.
Took you long enough.
Now let's go, Morty.
We got a lot of friends and family to exterminate.
Everybody remain calm! This is gonna take some explaining.
We need to kill everyone that we can only remember fondly.
Who's got a bad memory about Mrs.
Refrigerator? I-I-- everyone has bad memories of me.
You remember that one time? Ooh, man, we couldn't stop screaming.
Uh, roller coasters aren't bad, Mrs.
Refrigerator.
They're thrilling.
And you've been a perfect companion to me my entire life.
The jig is up! Get me out of here.
Get me out of here! Aah! Oh [bleep]! Everybody back! If you're not a parasite, you have nothing to fear.
So what about Summer? Why am I always your go-to? - Never go in my room again.
- I didn't! She's real.
She's my bitch of a sister.
Nice.
Mom, are you driving me to-- Hmm? Yeah, yeah, yes.
What time? Oh, my god.
Are you drunk? What are you? - My wife coach? - Your what? Oh! God! Oh.
Oh, my gosh.
- Oh! God! Mom! - Sweetheart, are you okay? - I didn't mean to-- - I'm gonna have a bruise! - It's picture day! - It's not-- don't overreact.
I can clean it up.
I want the police to take me! Morty, give a gun to the lady that got pregnant with me too early and constantly makes it our problem.
Thank you, sweetie.
Beth, Beth, please! I thought it was too good to be true that we'd have compatible kidneys.
Come on, man.
Haven't we ever had an uncomfortable silence or an awkward fart on a road trip? Come on, Pencilvester.
Give me anything.
Rick, I'm Pencilvester.
Listen to that name.
You can't kill me.
You're right.
Kill Pencilvester.
Summer, I've always loved you! Yep.
- Oh, my god! - I thought you went to a concert! We forgot the tickets! Why in the kitchen?! I do it everywhere! Stop shaming me! You're not the victim here! I hate you, and I was thinking about your friend Grace! Aaaaaah! Ah.
Master Rick.
Remember when you weren't going to shoot me? I guess I did the Butler! Ha ha! Does-- Does that scan? Oh, I get it.
It's a play on "The Butler did it.
" Thanks, Ghost in a Jar.
You always were good at pointing out potentially obscure comedy.
You got to hide me, Sleepy Gary.
Don't worry.
I have a plan.
If we can get to my boat, there's a-- No.
No! Just send me to Gary.
I want to be with Gary.
Oh, god.
Whoa.
What the hell? Look out for that homeless guy! Open the door! Open the door! There isn't time! Just run! Get out here and help me! They say you shouldn't do that! Just run! Ugh.
Sorry, Jerry.
You're real.
I'm a parasite! Yeah, but you're real.
Uh, uh, I need time to forget about Sleepy Gary.
Me, too.
From now on, let's all be careful to wash our hands when we get back from outer space.
That goes for everyone.
This is depressing.
We killed every good person in the house.
We're what's left? What a family.
At least we're real, Jerry.
We're real.
Ricky ticky tavi! Ooh, whee! Amen to that.
Now, this little Poopypants is hungry.
Will somebody pass me a pork chop? Huh.
Is-- is something wrong, Beth? Ow! Oh, my god! - No, Beth! - Oh [bleep]! Wait, but I-- - Oh, Beth! Why?! - I need an ambulance! There's been a shooting.
My wife shot Uh, my-- my wife shot a long-time family friend.
Why? Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, Mr.
Poopybutthole.
- I-I thought-- - Keep breathing! - Oh, god.
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