8. Interdimensional Cable 2: Tempting Fate (第2季)【完整台词】

[Door Beep] Don't worry about Jerry.

He's gonna be fine.

You hear me, Jerry? You're gonna be fine.

Whoa! Ooh, watch out for that stuff.

It'll stain if it gets on your clothes, and it'll send you into a murderous rage if it gets in your eyes and mouth.

Why would you keep mutant bacteria in a pint of cherry Garcia? I know this isn't the time, but, you know, technically, the second freezer drawer is mine.

- Not anymore.

- You're overreacting! We're losing him.

All right, fine, but you're not touching my crisper.

- Is he going to die? - Don't worry.

Dr.

glip glop is the best in the galaxy.

Hello, I'm Dr.

glip glop.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - [ Roars ] - Aah! [ Sizzling ] What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the ga-[Belches]-laxy.

It's like those Pizza places that claim to have the best Pizza in the world.

What do you think, they have Pizza contests? Have you ever been to a Pizza contest? - Go in the waiting room, dad.

- Fine! Excuse me.

Coming through.

What are you here for? Just kidding.

I don't care.

Well, this won't do.

- Hey, what are you doing? - A sequel.

- I don't understand.

- Yeah, me, neither.

We pretty much nailed it the first time.

[ Rapping indistinctly] Man: Biatch! [ Electricity crackling ] Ooh! Ooh! Ow! "Man vs.

Car," the newest hit show, - where it pits a man - Yeah! Versus a car.

[ Horn honks ] On tonight's episode, Michael Jenkins fights a regular old car.

Here we go.

Oh, he's pushing his way through.

He's trying to fight that car, but the car seems to have the upper hand.

Oh, he's got a little bit of pushback there.

Oh, no.

He just got ran over and chewed up by the tires.

I guess that's another one for the cars.

[ Laughs ] I mean, wouldn't the cars always win? Samantha, I need to know, that you understand that I have a couple of eyeholes.

I do.

I do understand about your eyeholes.

Here, look at my eyeholes.

Oh, my God.

You have eight eye ho holes.

[ Chuckles ] Ohh, I'm looking through your eyeholes.

Yes, look through my eyeholes.

[ Moaning ] I'm the eyehole Man.

I'm the only one that's allowed to have eye holes.

Get up on out of here with my eyeholes.

Announcer: Eyeholes.

Get them today.

Ikea Rick: You got to be careful, Morty.

If that guy catches you with a box of his eyeholes, he comes bursting in through a window and just starts kicking the shit out of you.

But it's worth the risk.

They melt in your mouth, Morty.

They're delicious.

Dad, I can't believe you're explaining alien cereal.

- We're worried about Jerry.

- Well, you're 39 years too late, or, you know, however old he is.

Is he is he 50? Jesus Christ, Beth, is is Jerry 50? Where am I? Relax, Mr.

Smith.

You're in an alien hospital.

I mean, to you, it's an alien hospital.

To me, you're just in a hospital.

There's another matter we need to discuss with you.

Okay.

An hour ago, shrimply pibbles, the galaxy's most influential civil rights leader, was brought to this hospital's emergency room, where he is currently fighting for his life.

My God.

Mr.

Smith, shrimply pibbles' life can be saved if we replace his heart with your human penis.

I see.

Wait, what? It's perfect.

The configuration of veins, the ratio of thickness to elasticity, the delicate asymmetry of what you call your balls, and with relatively few adjustments, your genitals can be molded into a functioning heart for the most important man in the universe.

- Yeah, but I mean - Oh, forget it! I told you this was a waste of time! Have respect, yarp.

The earth man's world is tiny and undeveloped.

He knows nothing of the genocides of clorgon or the tragic events of 65.

3432.

23/14.

And even if he did, he wouldn't comprehend them.

I've dwelt among the humans.

Their entire culture is built around their penises.

It's funny to say they are small.

It's funny to say they are big.

I've been at parties where humans have held bottles, pencils, thermoses in front of themselves and called out, "hey, look at me.

I'm Mr.

so-and-so-dick.

I've got such-and-such for a penis.

" I never saw it fail to get a laugh.

All right! That's enough! You guys are talking about my species.

We understand genocide.

We do it sometimes.

Then you would give your penis so that shrimply pibbles might live? Stop asking! Yes, I will! That's right, assholes.

Take my penis.

Take it all! And tell shrimply pibbles that when the galaxy came calling, Jerry Smith from earth didn't flinch! [ Laughs ] Hey, w-what's wrong, Morty? Oh, you're worried about your dad, huh? Huh? Oh, no, no, no.

I'm just I'm just looking at that lady over there getting coffee.

What's up with her face? Is she human, or is she like worf? You know, worf from "Star Trek," how he has all that shit all over his face, but he's just a human in a costume, you know? Morty, uh, let's see what else is on, huh? Okay.

And now we're back to "how did I get here?" The only show that makes you ask yourself, "how did I get here?" [ Chuckles ] Here's our first person.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

How did I get here? Hello?! How did I get here?! Somebody, help me, please! Host: [ Laughs ] All right! Holy crap! Look, it's that lady with the shit on her face like worf from "Star Trek" that was getting coffee! How did she get there?! Oh, my God, Morty, how did she get there? How did she get there? [ Laughs ] Is that something we should be concerned about? Just stay away from the coffee machine.

Man: Calling all jan Michael Vincents.

Calling all jan Michael Vincents.