Why would you
want this to happen?
All you had to do
was go away!
Stop standing in the driveway
talking about custody!
And either tell her
you want to stay married
or get on with your life,
but whatever you do,
stop being a baby
and act like a man!
Thank you.
Morty,
that was amazing!
This is my brother!
Not that
family means anything!
This family does.
All right.
Good job, champ.
Um, can I talk to you kids
for a second over yonder?
Rick, I-I-I think I'm breaking
through to something here.
C-Can we not leave
just yet?
- Leave?
- I'm not leaving.
There is no "leave.
"
We are united,
or we are enemies.
Oh, big guy, no.
Nobody's leaving.
Don't be stupid.
We love being united.
W love the radiation,
the trichinosis.
We're in it for life,
which I assume is
around 20 years, average.
I just need a quick aside
with my grandkids,
about 40 yards
from anyone else.
Hey,
the Green Rock is gone!
- Oh, no!
- Uh, I know
why don't we all split up and
look for it in groups of three?
Kids?
Ohh.
We'll be right back.
Grandpa,
you're being stupid!
Just surrender, and our friends
will give you mercy!
Kiss my ass, Summer!
Your friends have no mercy!
They're lame!
Death Stalkers,
bring me his flesh leather!
Sorry,
but can we not kill him?
C-Can we just
take him prisoner?
When did I
lose control here?
Listen to me
both of you kids
need to get out of
this environment
so we can properly deal with
your parents' divorce!
Alternatively,
I have a freaking portal gun,
and I can leave the two of you
here forever!
Why does it have to be
such a dramatic choice?
Can't we arrange a thing
where we spend weekends here
or or visit home
to do laundry?
All right, you know what?
[] it!
My body is chrome!
My blood is gasoline!
Nope.
Regular blood.
- Dad?
- Hi, sweetie.
- Where are the kids?
- Oh, ththey aren't with you?
I thought
they were with you.
Oh, y-you know what?
Uh, I just remembered.
They're out doing something
completely ordinary
and kid-related.
- Don't panic.
- Not panicked at all.
Just
Oh, God, what's the divorce
doing to the kids?
What's it doing to me?
Did I make a mistake?
Not a mistake, no!
I mean, not that
I have a horse in this race,
but this divorce decision
listen mwah!
good for you,
good for the kids.
I mean, honestly, I think
that they're flourishing.
I mean, you'll see, when
when when you see them,
that that they're
totally flourishing.
Booyah!
[] you, pal!
Who else wants some?
Who wants to be
my pussy of a dad today?
Hey, what's
what's wrong, man?
You're not getting weak on me,
are you?
What?
Wait a minute.
What's the matter,
you piece of crap?
Haven't you ever watched your
family burn to death before?
Now I'm gonna whip you.
Huh!
It can't be.
It can't be!
I was just following orders!
- Whoa, whoa!
- I was just following orders!
- Ahh!
I'll tell you
where my boss lives!
He's in the castle!
He's in the castle!
This isn't over, is it?
That means, no, it isn't over,
or you disapprove
of the question?
Uh, m-make a fist
if this isn't over.
This isn't over.
Hey, sorry my Grandpa stole your
god and ruined your car.
We don't apologize,
and we have no god.
But this cracked drive shaft
brings me great pain.
There is no deeper bond
than the one between
a Death Stalker and his car.
What about the weird guys
on leashes, then?
They're more like
interns.
Cool, cool.
Sorry.
It's okay.
Can Isee?
No one has seen my true face
and lived.
Well,
I'm not afraid to die,
and I don't care
what you look like.
Oh.
Hmm?
I just
I didn't expect you
to have a mustache.
- You hate it.
- No.
I like it.
I guess
How do I explain this?
A metal bucket is, on a certain
level, a kind of "mustache,"
in that it's a specific
facial accessory.
So, it's kind of like
Do you guys have the phrase
"hat on a hat"?
- I can shave it.
- No.
I like it.
And obviously what I like
shouldn't matter.
It's you.
Yeah, yeah, I know,
a-and nothing does matter.
Obviously, I know that.
I'm not weak.
I'm just thinking, "Well,
why not get rid of this?"
You just kill everyone
that sees it, and it's
and it's hot under here,
wh-which, by the way,
is why I shave
the beard part.
So, right there, I'm making
a decision based on vanity,
which is what
I was trying to avoid
with the whole bucket
over the head
because who am I
and why am I grooming myself?
Why don't I just wear a tie,
right?
I mean, it's like that guy
you killed when I met you,
with the burnt dolls
on his body.
I hated that guy, because,
why why are you doing that?
And how can you not see
how fake that is?
And the whole time,
I'm the same thing.
I'm just a fake mess,
and there's no escaping it
because
- Mmm.
Hey, I'm doing a coffee run
Never mind.
I am Summer.
Summer,
state your deal.
My deal is that I am,
like, totally fine.
Morty? Aw, geez,
I'm so down with my parents' divorce, dawg.
Like, don't even trip,
like, in a healthy way.
All right.
It's dinnertime.
Thanks, everybody,
for sitting down
for a real dinner.
Together: No problem.
Its benefits are totally,
like, less about the food
than
the emotional nourishment.
Uh, okay, weirdo.
Yeah,
dial it back, Summer
by 15% and increase
dynamic movement by 3%.
Am I right?
- How's school, Morty?
I like school and stuff,
kind of.
And I'm getting better grades
than when you and Dad were
quote mode
"staying together for the kids.
"
End quote mode.
"Quote mode.
"
I like that.
You millennials.
Are you guys millennials,
or are they like 40 now?
All I know is, totally,
you look great.
Aw, geez, Mom, you look
all kind of great and stuff.
It's crazy.
- So happy.
So happy.
Happy family, man.
We got this family
in the bag.
Oh.
Oh, sweetie, d-don't.
Listen.
Don't
I don't know why I'm crying.
It's not
Well, try
crying 15% less?
Mom,
emotions are human.
You're not, like, a computer
inside a mechanical doll.
Yeah.
Geez, Mom.
Your feelings are
not only forgivable,
they are the very
meaning of life
that only pre-silicon,
carbon-based entities
can ever grasp.
- I have to call Jerry.
- You do?!
What the []
is wrong with you two?
The point of automation
is to reduce cost and labor.
Your feelings are
coming from a
Tell it to my bread
in the morning.
You just became
my backup toaster.
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