6. Rest and Ricklaxation (第3季)【完整台词】

1 So, Jessica, I heard you broke up with Brad.

Who are you gonna date now that you can date anyone? I don't know.

I mean, obviously if someone special comes along B-But I mean really special, like, nothing I've even remotely considered in the past.

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.

I want that kind of love like that docking kind of love.

Oh, yeah.

Like, penis in the foreskin kind of love Mm-hmm just, like, warm, just like He Everybody [bleep] off.

Morty, I need your help.

W-W-W-We We need to go on a quick adventure.

You said I could go to school today.

That was before I needed something, Morty.

There's a plasma shard in the Abadango Cluster.

A princess has it.

If I get it, I'll be awesome.

We've been going non-stop, Rick.

It's not healthy.

You know, these are my teenage years.

I-I just found out Jessica's single.

Oh, that's Wow, Morty.

Wow.

What an exciting life you lead.

Let's go.

In and out, 20 minutes adventure.

They're on our tail! Steady, Morty.

Five cetons.

Steady, God damn it! Two cetons.

Wha! Fire! Pull up, Morty, pull up! Pull up! [ Bleep ] Oh, [Bleep] [ Bleep ] Ahh! Ahh! I can't [bleep] do this anymore! That was seriously [bleep] up.

We almost died.

So you agree? [Bleep] yes! That w T-This was insane! That was pure luck.

I was not in control of that situation at all.

Look at this, Morty.

Look at my [bleep] hand.

Look at this shit.

Why do you keep doing this to us?! I don't know, Morty.

Maybe I hate myself, maybe I think I deserve to die.

I-I-I-I don't I don't know! We need a vacation.

Isn't that something? You were right Best day spa in the galaxy.

It's not even cruel, either.

These things are just doing what they do in the wild It loves swallowing stressed-out creatures for 20 minutes and then puking them up.

My whole body's like a baby's ass.

Complimentary psychological detox? Removes all your cognitive toxins, purifies your system.

Oof, this guy on commission or something? I don't think Are you on commission? We're not on commission.

We get paid by the hour.

There's no incentive really Oh, my God.

Okay, listen W-W-W-We'll try the machine, but but I'd like you to try something.

Try swallowing the giant ball of snot that's dangling around in the back of your throat.

It's disgusting.

Nobody wants to hear that.

That's what you do.

Okay, Rick, come on.

Enough.

Man, did you hear me bite that guy's head off? Geez, I really need to chill.

Maybe you should go through twice.

All right, mister comedy man, you don't have to bust my balls.

You're not helping things.

Rick, is this thing supposed to be making this Morty! - Ri-Rick - Morty! What happened? We blew up, idiot! Are you really that stupid? Obviously the guy I yelled at overloaded the machine.

It takes more than that to kill Rick and Morty, mother[bleep]! But this might do it.

Run, Morty! E-Everything hurts! That's because you're worthless! Jesus, how big was this explosion? I'm a genius.

I don't have time for this [bleep].

W-W-We're in Hell, aren't we, Rick? - You're so stupid, Morty.

- You're an idiot.

There's no such thing as Hell.

I believe you, but I just want to die.

You can die when I say so.

I control you.

I control the universe! Why am I bragging about that? I have nothing to prove.

I'm surrounded by inferior pieces of [bleep] and Toxins.

We're not in Hell, Morty.

We're in the detoxifier.

The machine didn't blow up.

It worked normally.

It removed our toxins.

We're the toxins.

Are you listening, you stupid little garbage person?! We're what got removed!! I hope you both found that detox sufficiently relaxing.

Hey, man, listen Those comments I made about your throat? It's all good.

It's nice of you to let me off the hook.

It's still unacceptable behavior, and I do regret it.

Believe me, man, I've been working here a long time.

I get it.

Hey, uh, you mind if I put on some music? Not at all.

Grab my terrifolds What is that? I just hit shuffle.

Are you kidding? - This universe.

- Oh, excuse me.

We should listen to one random song a day, you know? We'd end up hearing more songs we didn't like, but we'd discover a lot more that we did.

That is an interesting concept.

You know, it makes me wonder if there's an algorithmic expression that could achieve the ideal ratio.

Listen to me Trying to calculate happiness over here.

Hoo, if anyone could, Rick.

Hey, here's something no science could measure I'm real proud to be your grandpa, Morty.

Thanks, Rick.

I love you.

Yeah, mother[bleep]! Yeah! Get it! Get some! Right up your [bleep] bitch ass, you [bleep]! Guess who just discovered a new element?! You think you could do that, Morty? You think anyone but me could do that ever in a billion years? Do you think if God existed he could do it? The answer is no.

If God exists, it's [bleep] me.

Yes, Rick.

I-I agree, Rick.

While you were flapping your parasitic turd holster, I discovered the toxic equivalent of electricity, Morty.

What do you think about that? Uh I th I think my voice is annoying.

It is, and it's your best quality.

So true.

Now, who can tell me the common denominator of these two factions? You don't know or y'all just bored? Hey, listen, you know, wha If we're all bored over here, wouldn't the common denominator be you? Damn, Morty.