1
I'm dealing with the terrible twos
and you can't even get
your shit together enough
to remembered what happened last week?
It's really fuckin' sad.
Looks more like a crack pipe burn.
Switch hands every now and then.
Or better yet, lay off the crack.
She took on a bouncer at The Three Aces.
No shit, that Samoan could
do some serious damage.
No, knucklehead, Eddie
fucked up the bouncer.
I'd rather do something with you
that doesn't involve talking.
Sorry, I am busy trying
to help at-risk youth.
(ROCK MUSIC)
(CARL) You're the one that got
us into this shit, Frank.
And it's Francis now.
I no longer resonate
with the hard K.
I found them.
This is huge.
These are your ancestors.
They abandoned me.
So they're terrible people, right?
(MAN) Bart, is that you?
Oh, my God, it's Bart.
I'm Bart from Kentucky.
(MAN) Bart, are you there?
(ROCK MUSIC)
Think of all the luck you got
Know that it's not for naught
You were beaming once before
But it's not like that anymore
What is this downside
That you speak of?
What is this feeling
You're so sure of?
Round up the friends you got
Know that they're not for naught
You were willing once before
But it's not like that anymore
What is this downside
That you speak of?
What is this feeling
You're so sure of?
(HIP-HOP MUSIC)
Hit mute, money talks
Bankroll like somersaults
Used to being that underdog
But now people seeing
that juggernaut
I don't ever look for no mark down
Too busy knocking these marks down
I've been under lights
I need dark towns
We going overcast till it's dark out
We getting organized
Get the homies notified
Try to tell this motherfucker
Everything is fortified
Then we gon' mobilize
Kick it into overdrive
Playing Dr.
Jekyll all week
Time to say hello to Hyde
Get that formula off the shelf
'Cause we 'bout to pop
Keep it flowing all night
No, we ain't about to stop
(LIAM) Charge the fort.
Charge the fort.
Whoa, hey, buddy.
- What you got there?
- Action figures.
Another stiffy?
Yeah.
Look, why don't you go get
ready for school, huh?
Be down in a sec.
Hey, uh, c-close the door behind you.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Thanks, bud.
(PHONE BUZZING)
(SIGHS)
(RYNE) Hey, landlady,
look what we woke up to this morning.
How the fuck does that even happen?
Will handle ASAP.
(SIGHS)
(ROCK MUSIC)
You guys live up the street, right?
- Depends on who's asking.
- I'm Lula, I run
the neighborhood watch program.
The neighborhood what?
Several houses in the area
have been broken into.
We're asking everyone to stay alert.
They took Miss Fenderson's
ventilation machine
two nights ago and last
night was Mr.
Wilson
- across the street.
- The Desert Storm guy?
They took his Purple
Heart and Silver Star
from his mantle and his TV.
Messing with a veteran
is a serious violation
of everything we hold dear as Americans.
What intel do you have
of the perpetrators?
He means we'll take a flyer
and keep an eye out.
- (LULA) Uh
- Thank you.
(WHISTLES)
Hey.
- Debbie.
- Neil kicked me out so he can
live with that conniving
physical therapy slut Lakisha,
so I'm moving back in,
and I don't want to hear
your mouth or anyone else's about it
because I am not asking for permission.
I'm a Gallagher and I can
live here any time I please
until I'm back on my feet.
And I don't wanna talk about
how much it's going to cost
because I'm going to pay my fair share.
- I was just gonna say hi.
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- Oh.
- Grab your blow torch.
- (KEYS JINGLING)
- My grown-ass druggie tenant
got his head stuck in a fence.
- Okay.
You paying?
- Yeah, same shit money
- as usual.
- Okay, but as soon as
I pass my welding certification final,
my fee goes up to not shit money.
- Done.
- So
(SEAN) Hey.
(SIGHS)
I was hoping I might be able
to catch you for a sec.
(SIGHS)
Let's go, Debs.
Liam, how many times have I
told you not to answer the door
for douche bags?
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
That didn't go so well, did it?
(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC)
I can't believe I'm about to
meet my real life family.
Didn't know I had any relatives.
(BOTH GIGGLING)
How am I supposed to
greet them? Do we hug?
Kiss on the cheek? I don't
wanna get it wrong.
All of my family reunions
start with my aunts
blaming each other for who
fucked up the potato salad.
Wow, look at all the birds.
It's all so green.
It's the land of my people.
Looks like one of those movies
where the black folks die first.
Bart!
Little Barty, is that you?
- Oh, shit.
That's me.
- (LAUGHS)
I'm Barty.
- Oh.
- Aww.
(LAUGHS)
Oh! Mm! Look at you.
Grown and healthy.
Hey.
You got all your molars.
Hee!
Oh.
(LAUGHS)
(CHUCKLES) Uh, this
is my wife, Veronica.
You can call me V.
Just like your brothers.
Love the dark meat.
Must be in the blood.
I am your Aunt Ronnie.
Sugar plum.
Oh! Mm!
(GASPS)
And would you look at these
little chocolate pies?
Let's take 'em to meet Uncle Travis.
He just finished skinning up a coon.
Trav!
It's Bart and his beauty.
Welcome home.
- You mean raccoon.
- Y'all better get inside
before you burn up.
- Come on, little one.
- Come on, girls.
Violating a veteran of the Armed Forces
requires an immediate show
of counterinsurgency.
Shock and awe for those bitches.
Don't ask.
Fuck's a neighborhood watch?
A club of George
Zimmerman-type of pussies
who aren't trained for military action.
Oh, I think it's a group
version of not minding
your own business.
Fiona's gonna be pissy.
Why, what'd you do?
Let Sean in.
- What? Sean-Sean?
- He was here?
- Yep, then he left.
- Fiona's gonna kill him.
Sun salutations, fruits of my loins.
Am I hearing correctly?
The Sean has returned?
- Yep.
- This is a test
of our family's spiritual growth.
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