2. Frozen Yoghurt (第1季)【完整台词】

- No problem at all.

Thank you.

Madam Vice President, may I get you a cup of coffee? Oh, yes, thank you, Jonah.

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Have you noticed how he's Yeah, he thinks I'm about to be his boss.

Yeah, he's gonna be the first to go, by the way.

- Hmm, okay.

- Dead man walking.

- Dan.

- Yes? Can I get a heads-up? 'Cause I'm standing over here like a fucking meerkat.

Yes.

The truth is I had a huge story to give you.

- It's just been back-burnered.

- Oh, sorry.

No, no, listen.

Mike is on his way out, all right? Either he or his arteries are gonna quit any second.

I'm the new face of the veep's office, okay? - I can bring you major scoops.

- You can bring me major scoops? Hey, come on, I major in major.

- Stop doing that.

- I'm sorry.

Should I just put this right here? - Yeah, just put it down, okay? - Thank you.

Um If we could just have some quiet, please.

Thank you very much.

Quiet.

Ladies and gentlemen We come here today in togetherness and in hope certainly hope for the swift recovery of this great, great president who has been a faultless G.

P.

S.

in guiding our nation.

We stand here today with courage in our hearts Oh, Jesus Christ.

Let us pray.

Holy mother of God and sweet Jesus Christ.

- Where is she? - I apologize.

We'll have some information soon for you, okay, Anthony? And you know what? You guys can just act naturally like you'd normally act.

- Great.

Brilliant normalizing.

- I'm normal.

- Yes, sir.

Where is she, Dan, huh? - I don't know.

My balls are comprehensively busted here.

- I'm down to my reserve pair.

- Look, Mike, I've got Sue.

She's gonna call me any second.

Just give me a fucking break.

Oh, bingo, Amy.

I guess I'll fill you in.

Amy, what the duck? That screaming, falling sound is my fucking patience going out the window.

Sue? Okay, Dan, listen up.

This is very important.

The veep has gone to the White House.

The President is having a heart attack.

Dan, look at me with your stupid eyes.

Stop talking to that man, Dan.

Stop talking to that man and focus.

Sue, can you please just repeat that part on more time for me? Selina is currently the most powerful woman in the world.

And obviously you cannot tell anyone this or she will have you destroyed.

- Understood? - Dan You have to give me something right now.

Oh, fuck it, it's gonna break anyway.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, - Selina Meyers - Is gonna come here in a second and order Jamaican rum with sprinkles.

Okay, your working life just got 80% more fucked! Okay? From now on, you bleached, plucked asshole, I am your fucking siamese stalker.

Mike, always a pleasure to see you be a stupid asshole.

I'm hearing some language that I don't like.

- Yeah? - What are you saying? - Forget it.

- No, wait a minute.

What are you saying? - What is he talking about? - Nothing.

Nothing.

No, you guys live in your own little world with your heads stuck up your Capitol Hill asses.

And you, you gay, Irish fireman you, you're okay.

But you, you I do not like.

- Amy.

- Yeah? If Gary is sick, I'm gonna need a temporary body man.

Sure.

Oh, and I told Sue to drop the yoghurt store.

I don't have room in my head for yoghurt.

Madam Vice President, we've been asked to tell you that you may stand down.

The President is fine.

Well, that's terrific news.

- Thank God.

- Mm-hmm.

Crossed wires.

Potus just suffered heartburn after a traditional barbecue at the state function.

Are you absolutely sure that No, the President is back in charge of the G.

P.

S.

Super.

Super.

Oh, and I'm sorry.

I just spoke to Mike.

Yup.

He said that you were needed down at a yoghurt store.

It was something about damage control.

Yeah.

It's been an honor to serve such an accomplished understudy, ma'am.

- Are you gonna take those with you? - What? Oh, I'm sorry.

Should I give that to you? - Thank you.

- Here's a pen.

I'll put it back.

Do you want me to put it here? - That's fine.

Great.

- Okay.