5. Helsinki (第2季)【完整台词】

It was a lighthearted song at an informal event.

Yeah, she's going to apologize to Europe 'cause it's right up there with the bubonic plague and the carpet bombing at Dresden.

Tommy, hi.

Amy.

Yeah.

Ignore Dan.

He's hormonal.

The song is funny because it's the opposite of her views on Europe.

Drinks when I get back? Okay.

You need to do it like Mike.

Yeah, I don't want to be like Mike, okay? Even Mike doesn't want to be like Mike.

You should call him.

And we need to keep the veep away from regular people and their awkward questions.

So while she's in Helsinki, just keep her out of Helsinki.

- Yeah, wonderful.

- She gave me a Leviathan with fewer pockets.

So what's the latest? Any burning effigies of me in the Balkans? - Look at you in your jammies.

- I need Ambien.

Oh, right.

What? This is Cipro.

I don't have a urinary infection.

Oh, my gosh.

Listen to this.

The climate here is very cold, but the reception here is very warm.

- It's almost there.

- Yeah.

Isn't it great? Yes, this is.

Yeah, well - Gary.

- Yeah? Did you get my? Please don't make that face.

You know I only do this when I go abroad.

Come on.

It's just last time you stopped, you were so up and down.

Listen, I really do need my little soldiers.

- I'm just saying - I need my flaming redheads.

- I don't understand - Thank you.

So what's going on? How's the song going over in Finland? Some paper is calling you the Europhobic Khaleesi from DC.

Europhobic? Seriously? What is that supposed to mean? Mike, you got the summary of the 2008 swing state modeling? Uh, not yet, but I do have a summary of the summary that's great.

So Hey, Dan.

- How's it hanging, Mike? - It's fucking insane here.

It's like a math prison.

They rape you with numbers.

Mike, what's your voter registration ETA? Imminental.

All right, Mike, listen, just tell me one thing.

How do you do that Fozzie Bear, happy guy, wocka-wocka bullshit to get the press to like you? Oh, you want to learn to McLin-talk, huh? Remember it's a performance.

You have to pretend that you're charming.

It doesn't matter if the jokes are weak, keep it loose.

Deliberately bad jokes.

It's kind of genius.

Explains a lot.

Call dickhead.

- West Wing, Jonah.

- Hey, Jonah.

It's Mike.

I need you to come over here and explain this Dream Metric to oh, bingo.

I was looking for that.

Okay, so you want J-Rock to come down there and spit some wicked wisdom in your ear.

Is that what I'm hearing, Mike? Look, if you do this, I will get you back in as the veep's resident creep.

If I come down there, Mike, people are gonna wonder why I'm not in Europe.

Don't worry, buddy.

I can cover for you.

Remember, I lie for a living.

Yeah, but you don't do it well and nobody believes you.

I realize it's below freezing here in Helsinki, but I certainly am touched by the very warm welcome we've received this evening.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Do you have any comment on the song? Madam Vice President, would you have made jokes like that about the Middle East? Guys, we really appreciate you coming out, - but let's save the autographs for tomorrow.

- Is she going to apologize? - The vice president is here - To apologize? You're a long way from home, mate.

This is really the line of questioning Mate? Yeah, you're a long way from home, mate, too.

The vice president is here to sign a trade agreement and forge a very important friendship between two great nations.

Press avail tomorrow.

At which point I'll perform a little street magic for you, okay? So you guys all think of a card.

I'm thinking nine of hearts.

I'm thinking joker.

Ooh! That was cold and hostile.

Sure we didn't overshoot and land in Russia in the 1950s? - Yeah, what was with that British reporter? - I know.

You do not want one of those on your back.

They will sell nude pics of their grandmothers for a glass of hot beer.

By the way, that is not the way Mike would have handled that back then at the airport, okay? If Mike were here, we would have spent the entire flight watching him do scratcher lotto tickets going, "Oh, so close," every time he lost.

- Could we just - Yeah, I miss Mike.

Oh, look.

That's nice.

It's got a smiley face on it.

Selina, you looking for Okay, guys, thank you very much.

We're not taking any questions tonight.

We've got some iPads to recharge.

But we'll see you in the morning.

Okay, thank you.

- Good night.

- Just get in the Jeep, veep.

Hey, relax, old-timer.

Cavalry's here.

We have to summarize all this for the layman.

Jesus, Mike.

This is so basic.

This is like high school all over again.

Holy shit, grandpa, you probably still get your porn from magazines.

Mike, sub the data principles to 500, 100, and 20-word versions.

- Jonah.

- Yes, sir? Well, this is an unexpected permutation.

- Mike? - Hmm? Um, the vice president thought Jonah's talents might be We're supposed to inform Congress of covert operations.