Gary, are you working on the night of our eighth month-iversary? Please don't tell me you're doing that face.
I am doing that face.
Come on.
And do you know Hold on.
Hey, Gary, honeymoons rule.
The Dirty Dozen is on and we're eating chips from bowls perched on each other's bellies.
Sounds great, Mike.
We put a penny in ajar every time we have sex.
We've already got like 15 in there.
Did you call me to talk dirty about your honeymoon? - I can talk dirty.
- That's okay.
Wendy got the heads up, POTUS's body man is quitting.
- Marty? What, did he get sick or something? - Mmm-mmm.
Law school.
You gonna go for it? I don't wanna be a guy in his 40s carrying a bag.
I've got ideas.
I could advise Selina on stuff.
I've got plenty of things that I could tell her.
Hey, gotta go.
Telly Savalas is gonna kill some Nazis.
When did you get your dads face? The world only just heard POTUS isn't running again, so obviously we're not here and this doesn't exist.
Your campaign office.
What are these? These are the stables? Well, it's gonna get spruced up.
Hello, hello, this is it, this is it.
It is.
How are you? - Hi.
- I'm afraid I don't know who you are.
- I'm Kelly.
- Hi, Kelly.
- I'm working on your campaign.
- Great.
And I'll be taking photographs today.
Amy Brookheimer.
You've been in touch with my The men's toilet is busted, so Here we are.
Wow, here you are.
See, now, I thought that I had left you 750 miles ago.
Ma'am, I'm going to follow you wherever you go.
I'm going to be like a Disney animal.
Uh, is there a space set aside for the campaign manager? Uh, not yet.
Could I have two seconds of your time? Sure thing.
I don't know why Richard is here.
You said he was really good on the book tour.
No, I was trying to keep you from worrying about me.
Oh You're welcome.
- I'll ditch him.
- Yeah, right.
Are you going on the coast guard boat? Well, I learned to swim especially.
No, I meant Oh, my God.
What is your name? I'm so sorry.
- It starts with a K.
- No, could you just tell me? - It's Kelly.
- Kelly, right.
So, you're coming on the boat, that's why you have the camera.
So, then, Richard, you're gonna need to stay here.
Okay, well, you're in good hands.
Kelly and I go way back.
She's like another me.
This doesn't work.
Good.
This is a night patrol with the coast guard, so it's great pre-campaign campaigning.
- I need a wipe.
- No, no.
Hey.
Hey, ma'am.
I've actually got a few ideas You know, ma'am, I was thinking - I might skip the boat.
- What? Yeah, and just hang back here, do a little pre-prep.
Why would that be, Dan? Is that a pre-stabbing in my pre-back? I think I'm gonna need you just in case we make a drug bust or something and I need some sort of - snappy one-liners.
- Uh "The only laundering you're gonna be doing from now on is gonna be prison blankets.
" That's kind of clever.
"The only crack you're going to see belongs to some guy in a shower.
" - Don't be cute.
- Oh, my God.
So, here, it begins here, "In this Polish dungeon.
" Hey, ma'am, about the campaign, I had an idea.
- Here you go.
- Instead of doing all this pre-campaigning, sometime in the next 24 hours, you grab a mic, you say, "I'm Selina Meyer and I'm running for President of the United States.
" I'm just gonna use the bathroom really quick.
It's way too early.
You don't announce your candidacy while the incumbent is still warm.
The basic thing That's like trying to bang the widow at the funeral.
There's a little trick to it.
- The trick would be to move it.
- You're right, and I sure will.
You would have her start her campaign with no strategy, no money, no staff, except for Superman and Wonder Woman over there, just, "I wanna be president.
" Ma'am, I don't know if you heard what he was saying No, I didn't hear what he was saying.
But I agree with Dan, okay? And I completely appreciate your ideas, Gary.
- No matter how dumb they are.
- So, let's go.
The coasts won't guard themselves.
Let me tell you what we need to do.
They intercepted an individual untracked vessel, suspicious cargo.
They're requesting backup.
- Oh, is it a drug boat? - We're looking into it, ma'am.
That's a stroke of luck.
I'm gonna do a short, little video thing.
- Okay.
- The drugs stop here.
Oh! No, no, don't say anything right after, 'cause it ruins it.
- Got it.
- The drugs stop here.
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