- By saying what? "Blah, blah, blah, blah abortion, blah, blah, blah, blah"? - Sounds good to me.
- Well, you fill in the blahs.
I'm going back to bed.
Okay, ma'am, you have the AMA/ACOG, West Wing, 1:30 a.
m.
Planned Parenthood at 2:30 a.
m.
in the EEOB to avoid a clash.
Unflabby precision.
Excellent.
Okay, how about this, "A woman has autonomy over her own body.
"But the rights of an unborn" Uh, I thought I had it there.
Maybe I should just say, "Get the government out of my fuckin' snatch,â you know? How many pressure groups do we have in all, Sue? Pro-life, 45.
Pro-choice, about the same.
Is there a "pro-I don't give a shit" lobby? Yeah.
You're looking at him.
I got posters, buttons Not really, 'cause I don't give a shit.
If men got pregnant, you could get an abortion at an ATM.
Let's state the obvious.
If I say that I am pro-life, then I'm a traitor to my sex.
If I say that I'm pro-choice, then I'm a traitor to the president.
Which makes me an actual traitor, by the way.
- You know that? - Yeah, but it already happened, okay? I can't get POTUS to wave his transvaginal wand and make it all go away.
Ma'am, your gender is worth at least double on this issue.
The data's right.
As a woman, you can really kick ass.
As a woman I am not gonna put in a fuckin' sentence "as a woman.
" I'm not putting my eggs in that basket.
All right, I'll start polling.
Nice dress.
- It's a skirt and top.
- Even better.
Okay, so are we gonna say screw polling and just pick a number or both, or what? God, it's not that simple, Dan.
Yes, Gary, it is.
- Have you seen the graph? - Yeah.
How could we get it all on the graph, Gary, if it wasn't that simple? It isn't that simple, all right? This is about access to safe abortions for vulnerable women.
- It is a serious issue.
- Yeah.
- Ma'am, I've laid out a line of fruit for you.
- What is this? It's the size of the baby in different stages during pregnancy.
It would take a brain about this size to think that this shit's useful.
This is not helpful at all.
And you need to stop calling these things babies.
Okay, I was thinking we need to get the number of weeks and the interest groups up on a Oh, good.
Nice job.
Holy shit.
Maddox is about to issue a statement in five.
At 1:00 in the morning? Whats his statement gonna be? "I have to go to the bathroom"? Rachel Hortenthall from Planned Parenthood is heading to EEOB at 2:30 a.
Boom, boom, shake-shake the womb! Selina's calling in the contraceptistas! We're gonna blog this shit to fuck.
Mark, get a screen grab of that fetus from the end of 2001, all right? Send it to me.
- Maddox has just made a statement.
- What is it? "Science may give us the map, but we are lost without morality's compass.
" "The right to free speech includes the right to free thought.
" "I can't in all conscience politicize this as an issue.
" - Ah.
- Jesus, what a talking gas giant.
It's like listening to Jupiter.
Well, he fucking fudged it.
So now we know he's running for president.
That stupid bastard.
Ma'am, Maddox said nothing, but at least he said something.
We've literally said nothing.
Meanwhile, that shit shovel-faced fuckin' Jonah is out there telling people you're feeling out options.
We need to pick a number.
No, I know, but I need to get clarity here.
- I'm not feeling it.
- I was clear.
I was clear.
We just need to pick a fucking number, any fucking number.
Give that fucking number to the fucking press, and go to fucking bed! How much more clarity do you need? You want to put it on a T-shin? Come on! I'm so sorry.
I did not mean to blow up like that.
Well I accept your apology while retaining the right to fire the fuck out of you.
Shall I print that up on a T-shirt that I could give to you? This whole thing has got me on edge.
I was puking my brains out on that boat for hours.
Jonah's got me absolutely homicidal.
I'm sorry.
- Uh-huh.
- You need to apologize.
- He did apologize.
You need it in writing! - Look, I love abortion, okay? - Oh.
I am an abortionado.
But I would go pro-life in a fetal fucking heartbeat if it meant winning.
You're suggesting that you would like me to be a hypocrite like Maddox? Okay, so you need to go home.
Yes, ma'am.
Moving on and Dan may be quite soon, someone needs to go get Cardinal Branzini.
Oh, my God.
The Catholics next.
Madam Vice President, Cardinal Branzini.
- Madam Vice President.
- Oh, Cardinal.
- Am I in the right room? -Yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- Oh! Excuse you.
- Sorry.
Excuse me.
I'd love to take you into the inner sanctum.
How very Dan Brown.
This way, Cardinal, thank you.
Come on in.
Here's something else to sew into your giant fucking crazy quilt.
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