I'm gonna back your boss, I always have.
- But you need to quit this job - I know.
And find something you're halfway decent at.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
If this footage looks kind of like Cloverfield, it's not because my hands shaking, it's because a fucking earthquake just hit DC! You feeling the heat, old media? Because it's three strikes and you're out.
Tell them I'm coming in for 50.
- They hung up.
- You know what? Fuck Huff Po.
They should be called Puff Ho 'cause Arianna Huffington is a straight-up ho and all they do is puff pieces.
Wait, request from MSNBC.
They want you on at 7:00 a.
m.
They're gonna send a car.
Ha-ha.
Got it! Ma'am, Chung's statement.
10 minutes early.
Pulled a few strings from my buddies down at Please tell us about the strings, Mike, don't tell us what's in it.
Oh, sarcasm.
That's an interesting strategy for a potential campaign manager, Amy.
Apologies.
Rewind.
Get the fuck on with it, Mike.
She's got a point.
Let's go.
Oh.
Sorry.
Just printed it.
Haven't read it.
Literally was trying to read it when I was running over, so I couldn't do either.
Okay, here we go.
"First let me say that I commend the president's clarity" Skip that part.
"Advances in science have brought us to a moral conundrum" "I believe a 22-week cutoff is appropriate.
" Has anyone ever come up with that number before? Never.
We're going to need a bigger melon.
Dan was right.
I've got to pick a number.
Okay, well, obviously we can just go anywhere now without going over 40.
Half weeks? 22 and a half weeks.
sounds like an erotic thriller.
- What about days? - Yes, like 140 days.
- Which is in weeks - Divide by seven, Mike.
- Two.
.
.
20.
- Yeah.
I can't stick to 24 weeks now because that's gonna make me the most liberal and the most female.
Chung the Merciless did this, right? Why don't we double bluff him? Just choose the same number.
It's not like sharing a toothbrush.
Mmm-mmm.
Copycat Selina.
That's what they'll say.
Me-Too Meyer, shit for brains No, I'm sorry, they won't say that.
I'm just really tired.
Should we all quit and go home and go to bed 'cause you're so tired? Oh, no, we can't.
Because I have to go do Good Morning America thanks to you, Kent.
I know, I'm sorry, ma'am.
I thought you could be first on air.
I didn't realize Chung and Maddox would attack at night.
Must be their military training.
Let me see this.
What is this spike right here? The I Don't Knows.
Okay, so I am looking at a page and I am seeing most of America standing up proudly and saying, "I don't know.
" We were shocked ourselves.
I wonder who should be my campaign strategist in the next election.
"I don't know.
" I will redouble my efforts to win your support.
The man's obsessed with me.
Issue a version of what you said in the book, just better than what Dan wrote.
Okay, Mike, you draft me a new version of my existing position, okay? - Love it.
- And I'm gonna need something to wear, 'cause I'm going on Good Morning America.
Pink.
I got you pink.
Let's do pink.
I believe that life is precious.
And so are the hard-won freedoms that women throughout America enjoy today.
Uh, as a woman myself, I know that freedom means the freedom Thank you, sir.
Did you get all the free water from the car? - Yeah.
- Nice.
See, I told you, man.
Two days up and we're already big.
This is what happens when talent meets opportunity.
Let's blow this thing wide open.
Hey, Jo-nad.
Dan, what the fuck are you doing here? You shouldn't tweet your location to someone who wants to kill you, Jonah.
Oh, so you do follow me.
You know what? I swear to God, I'm gonna rip your guts out through your tiny, shriveled, little Chihuahua cock.
What, nothing? You're gonna let your boss get pasted? You're not my boss.
We're copartners.
I don't give a fuck.
You're looking kind of hungry, Jonah.
You want some of that burrito? No? Yeah? Hey, you, Ugly Betty, give me that burrito.
Donât just give it to him, dude.
- You see this, Jonah? - Yeah.
This is what happens when you fuck with my office.
If you say anything on-air about the Veep, I will break your legs so severely, you'll end up normal height.
Jake's on you, Dan, because I fucking love burritos.
Yeah? Good luck with your interview, handsome.
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