Please don't make me go to work today.
I'll fake my own death.
You don't have the cheekbones for depression.
- What's the matter? - The workload, the spotlight.
- Mm-hmm.
- Getting hammered on the Families First Bill.
People hate that thing.
Yeah, it's falling apart like a punched wedding cake.
And the president wants me to start getting the media calling it the Meyer Bill, but they've decided to call it the Mommy Meyer Bill.
- My job is impossible.
- Mm-hmm.
Take this fork, stab me right here in the carotid.
You are the most influential Mike person in the world.
The president won her first debate thanks to you.
Guess what.
There's two more.
And the next one's foreign policy.
That's basically a quiz on the entire world.
- How do I prep for that? - Listen to me.
You're gonna shake it off, all right? Stiff upper lip.
Put on a happy face.
Gonna have the best day of your life.
Thank you for the pep talk.
I'll see you oh, shit.
Happy birthday.
I'm sorry I didn't have time to get you anything.
Gonna try after work.
Love you.
I live on a regular street in real America with real trees and real cars.
- Oh, wait for it.
- We do have real cars on my street.
I'm not sure what a fake car would be exactly.
Oh, bam! I should be president or something.
If he doesn't drink in the morning, he will now.
Oh, God, you know what I should have brought up? That rumor about O'Brien's daughter blowing all those hockey players in college.
That would have been a mistake.
Huge mistake.
It was lacrosse players.
Ma'am, your dinner guests are confirmed for tonight.
- Oh.
- Your relaxing evening is locked in.
Goodie.
I cannot wait.
I'm getting the old gang back together.
Back in the '90s, us ladies totally owned Annapolis.
- We really did.
- Gang? Did you all have tattoos? No, it's just a bunch of lawyers from my old firm, you know.
How did you get into this gang? Did you have to kill a guy? You could pardon yourself now.
You know, actually, as women, we really did get it done.
Plus we had tits and ass.
So we had the whole thing going for us, really.
There's been a shooting in Pittsburgh.
Four dead including the gunman.
Well, that's fucking not good.
We pray for the families.
Yeah, and that they don't demand more gun control.
It says here the gunman was an ex-Marine.
Two sides of the coin.
It's very sad.
Hey, Sue, get Mike to draft a statement.
He's got a thoughts and prayers template.
- Right away, ma'am.
- Oh.
Should we keep watching me? - Yeah? - Sure, sure.
See, when I left the White House, I never thought I'd be lobbying for concrete.
- Great, isn't it? - Mmm.
Oh, by the way, I set us up with two brunches and a lunch for tomorrow.
Oh, God, I already have two breakfast meetings tomorrow.
If I keep going at this rate, I'm gonna have gout of the mouth.
Uh, ladies, you are going to be our sale bait.
Um, by sale bait, you mean? Independent, well-educated young women like you who also happen to be very hot to lure congressmen into the room in a way that is deeply feminist.
We then introduce our client, who makes a sale in a way that's deeply capitalist.
I'm not expected to do anything with anyone, am I? This is lobbying.
This is a respectable profession.
Do me a favor.
Go see Linda over there.
She has some slightly tighter blouses that you can choose from.
So, you two ready to go hard for concrete? Yeah.
Hey, why are there so many security and military people on the list at this concrete event? Are we at war with clay? Amy, what does the military buy a lot of? Oh, I know this.
It's candy.
Cute.
It's concrete, okay? So we bring the military guys along, they talk Congress into stumping up money for a Mexican border wall made of concrete.
Circle of life.
Serving several of our clients' agendas all at once.
- God, I love this.
- Yeah, I know.
Me, too.
It's so slutty, isn't it? This place is like a porn shoot with bunting.
God, kill me now.
Good morning.
Good morning.
- Morning! - Okay, let's get this party started.
The Mommy Meyer Bill.
Is it doomed? First off, it's not the Mommy Meyer Bill.
It is the Families First No, it's the Meyer Bill.
And it's about as doomed as my donut habit.
Shall we talk about Families First, please? - Yeah.
- I'm afraid it's getting crucified on the Hill.
- Just like that Jesus guy.
- Well, it's my big bill.
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