1
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIRENS WAILING)
Table for two under
McLintock, Mike McLintock.
Uh, yes.
The table is ready.
We're clear.
Bring in Sparrow.
(CROWD CHEERING)
Listen, can I just reiterate once again
how really, really sorry I am?
Wow! Oh, look at this.
I
guess they like us, huh?
Hi.
Wonderful.
What were you saying?
How really sorry I am.
And I'm not
someone who loves to apologize.
Uh-huh, right, but you're
loving it now, aren't you?
Oh, loving it.
Want another one?
- Yeah, I do.
- I'm really sorry.
- I'm really, really, really sorry.
- Now sing it.
The president and Mr.
Baird
enjoyed a delicious dinner
of blue crabs trapped by
local fisherman Steve Yerkes
and a cheese course including
"Basil Hayden" Blue
from Jasper Hill, Vermont.
Mike, how is she able
to focus on the economy
if she's running around
with her new boyfriend?
The president has always placed great
value on fiscal responsibility.
In fact, as vice president,
she was chairman
of the Meyer Postal Commission,
which reduced post office debt
from 65 billion to just over 62 billion.
Okay, Eagle.
Well, I'll
see you in a few seconds.
Yeah, bye.
All right, we got six
more votes this morning.
- Whoo!
- We're never gonna close that gap.
Well, on the less shitty side, people are
really loving you and Charlie Baird.
Even Wall Street's got
a boner for you guys.
- Really? The market's up?
- No, it's flat.
But not down is straight
up for us at this point.
Madam President, we have received
word that Chinese hackers
have now breached the National
Security Council servers.
I got a great idea.
Why
don't we give the Chinese
their own log-ins and passwords?
Okay? Save everybody a lot of time.
Ma'am, the FDA is monitoring a salmonella
outbreak at a Missouri chicken farm.
- Got a few fowl questions.
- What?
Also from the comms department,
multiple mentions of tomorrow's trip
to the Museum of Natural History
in New York City with Mr.
Charlie Baird.
Huh, not bad.
Phone.
Oh, listen to this.
Charlie says O'Brien won't go down on
his wife without biscuits and gravy.
(LAUGHS)
Hey, can you show me
how to find on Twitter
those tweets where people were
gushing about me and Charlie?
Oh, yeah.
You see this
button right here?
Okay, so listen,
certification is tomorrow.
I mean, seriously, do we have any reason
to think that we're not as
fucked as a Senate page here?
Actually, ma'am I'm sorry I'm late
I think I may have found something.
The voting data in Nevada is multiple
standard deviations outside the means.
Christ, Kent, know your audience.
I think that there is
statistical evidence
of missing ballots in Nevada.
- Where?
- I do not know.
- How many?
- I do not know.
- Are you sure?
- Absolutely.
Graydon Carter is begging
for a photo spread
of you and Charlie Baird
in "Vanity Fair.
"
Hey, Garfield, we're right in the
middle of talking about Nevada, okay?
Kent, what can you tell us?
I might be able to
pinpoint the vote anomaly
if I could break down confounding
variables using an intercept model.
What Alan Turing is trying to say
is if there are missing votes,
- he needs time to find them.
- Mm-hmm.
SELINA: All right, then we have to delay
the certification of the recount.
Exactly my thought, ma'am.
I could have the lawyers
file an injunction.
- Bob, what do you think?
- I think it's a weak case.
Let me just take a meeting
with Jim Whitman.
And after I'm done dick slapping him,
he will have agreed to
delay certification.
- Amy, set it up.
- The injunction or the dick slapping?
Christ, Amy, the meeting.
All right, gonna have to start
chumming the media waters.
I want you to get me on the horn
with Ned Mitchell from
the "Las Vegas Gazette"
and Susan Bailey with the "Reno Star.
"
Amy, set it up.
Sue Bailey,
the "Reno Star," everything.
Madam President, who would you say
would be your best person to be
at that meeting as my number two?
- I could.
- Richard.
Oh, well.
Okay, listen, I need to
talk to Bob privately,
so everybody get out, please.
- Even
- Yeah-huh.
Bob, I am going crazy here in DC.
I just I feel trapped
like a Saudi housekeeper.
Is there any way I could get to Nevada?
Just let me win the presidency for you
and then you can land Air
Force One on the Strip
and piss in Caesar's
fountain if you want.
Oh, come on, please, Bob, I
would never stay at Caesar's.
- (KNOCKS)
- Yes? What?
Ma'am, weekly CIA briefing.
See? Crapistan's calling.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'll talk to you later, though.
Catherine, do not use any
of the vulgar parts.
Yeah, but that's like all of it, Mom.
- Well, then don't use it.
- But it's a doc.
- A what?
- A documentary.
Then say that.
(SIGHS)
Never heard back from you.
Late night?
Sophie told you?
What?
No.
Gross.
You didn't tell me she worked for CBS.
Oh!
Oh, this is too good.
Dan, Sophie doesn't work for CBS.
She works for CVS.
You sold your dick for bulk iced tea
and off-brand cough syrup.
Don't worry.
You're gonna look really
cute in a blue vest.
I am not having a good year.
Unfortunately, ma'am,
the man we captured
is not, in fact, Abdullah Saeed.
Do the Israelis know
anything about this?
Because they're a sneaky bunch of fucks.
Excuse me one second, ma'am.
(CHUCKLES)
So Mike McLintock, tonight for 8:30.
Thank you.
Sorry, Kent, Salt and
Moon, new restaurant.
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