1
AMY: "Selina Meyer didn't just
shatter the glass ceiling,
she swept up every single shard
so that my daughter and your daughters
will never even know it existed.
"
- ALL: Aw!
- Well, that just tickles my twat!
Gosh, Montez is actually gonna say that
at my portrait unveiling in English?
Yeah, in front of 200 of
Washington's most important people.
- And Mike.
- See, Mike? That is good writing.
- Why can't you write like that?
- I'm the first to admit
I'm not the world's
greatest speech writer.
Ma'am, the White House wants
us to finalize your guest list
by the day after yesterday.
So, today.
That's a
bit of a brain twister.
It's a hot ticket.
What about Congressman Jonah Ryan?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Richard, you have such
a good sense of humor.
Amy, you should take a
cue from him, really.
MIKE: Ma'am?
- Yes.
Oh!
- Greg Morehouse is here for our meeting.
- He's your editor.
- I know that.
Hey, Greg!
Can we get you some
coffee or some tea or?
- Do you have some bai hao white tip?
- I do! (CHUCKLES)
Oh, well, there you go.
So, what did you think
of the manuscript?
- It's rough, of course, but
- I think it's really interesting.
- Oh, I'm so happy!
- The dad and the horse.
I know, right? Well
- There's just one little thing.
- Sure.
We do need a bit more of
the presidency in there.
I mean, the book ends with
you going off to college.
That's right, yes, and
the presidential stuff
will be in volume two
"Meyer Ascendant.
"
- And three "The Meyer Year.
"
- Yes.
I get that, and if you wanna
stick with this book as is,
I completely understand.
We're just gonna need our advance back.
- There was an advance?
- Quiet, quiet.
And Moses led his people
to the land of?
- Hanukkah.
- Canaan, Rabbi.
Shut up, Nikhil.
This stupid
hat is too small for my head.
Yarmulke.
Fine, this stupid hat is
too small for my yarmulke.
It's okay, Jonah.
Conversion to Judaism
is about a commitment to
the Jewish lifestyle.
Oh, good, 'cause all this learning
is giving me a yarmulke ache.
Just to remind everybody that next week,
we'll be rededicating the sanctuary.
Sorry, I have to go to the White House.
President Meyer's unveiling.
- MAN: Okay.
- The final invitation list went out,
and you're not on it.
Oh, Jesus Christ!
I'm sorry, I can say that now and
still get into heaven, right?
Actually, Jonah, Jews
don't believe in heaven.
Shut the fuck up, Nikhil!
Wait, Shawnee, how am I
gonna see my dog again?
Is there, like, a Jew place for dogs?
SELINA: All right, Mike, we got
30 days to write a new draft.
Get out that diary, pick
a day, and let's go.
- June 14th.
Ooh, chock full.
- Oh, goody! Great.
Go.
Briefing on infrastructure bill,
clutch with Wichita notary group,
review on legislative conference
regarding pharmaceutical labeling.
(EXHALES) We're fucked.
I don't even remember any of that.
Some things are so dull,
you have to block them out.
No kidding.
I mean, I'm sure that I played with
Catherine when she was a child
(DOOR CLOSES)
but for the life of me, I
can't remember one second.
- Oh, and there she is.
- MIKE: Hey!
Mom, we had a great wellness
check at the doctor's today.
- So, is it a boy, is it a girl?
- Oh, right.
ALL: It's a baby.
- No.
- GARY: Mm-mm.
We're not doing that.
No, Mom, we don't wanna know.
Catherine, you are not
going to be coy or twee
about the sex of my grandchild.
This is a human being you're making,
not some Brooklyn-based,
artisanal chocolate bar.
Birth gender isn't even that relevant.
She/he will decide her/his ideal
gender when she/he is/are ready.
Okay, is that how we're
talking now, Marjorie,
like some sort of bi-curious Porky Pig?
(IMITATES STAMMERING
) I'm not doing that.
I had an aunt who transitioned twice.
She was trapped inside a man, and then that
man was trapped inside of another woman.
- Oh, like a turducken.
- Mm-hmm.
Mom, it's not that big of a deal.
We have baby names
picked out either way.
Yes, Leslie or Dana if it's a boy and
And for a girl we like Linus.
- Seriously?
- That feels like child abuse.
Yes.
Okay, I can't.
Can you just go away, Catherine?
That's fine.
We're late anyway.
Richard has doula class and
we're bringing the snacks.
- What?
- It'll be my first human birth, so.
- What is happening?
- (CHUCKLING) What is happening?
- It just
- Gender is simple!
- Right.
- You're a girl, I'm a boy.
Well.
Hey, what about
some of that lezzy stuff?
You think that would spice up the book?
Catherine's forbidden affair
with your Secret Service agent.
Yeah, but, I mean, does anybody really give
a shit about two average-looking lesbians?
- I don't mind them.
- GARY: Ugh.
I'll tell you one thing
people would flip out about.
Hmm?
A book about my sex life.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Seriously.
I mean, obviously, we can't do that.
- Yeah, you can't do that.
- Really? Why can't we?
- You can do that.
- I mean, that book would fly off the shelves.
- Fly.
- People would pay whatever it is a book costs, you know?
And everybody knows that
I dated Charlie Baird.
Aw, Charlie.
But there's somebody
else that I slept with.
Somebody that I worked with closely.
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