MALE REPORTER: (On TV)
The United States of America
has a new president: Laura Montez.
I hate this country.
To have gotten so close was devastating.
But I did reacquaint myself
with an old friend of mine
by the name of Selina Meyer.
And I like her!
(upbeat rock music)
- You look absolutely radiant.
- Oh, thank you.
Yes, your stay in the insane asylum,
- it's really agreed with you.
- It was a spa.
This is the second act.
Selina Meyer travels the
globe spreading democracy
like patient zero.
Ma'am, you can't run for president.
You don't have the party
support.
It's over.
Well, I was speaking hypothetically.
I want a library.
I'm the only living president
who doesn't have one.
Nobody gives me any respect.
How 'bout that?
CROWD: (Chanting)
No justice, no library!
Who despises me like this?
Well, there's President
Montez, Tom James, Danny
The White House maids, the stewards.
White working-class voters.
Jonah, my boy, I've
come to say farewell.
I'm pulling all my financial support.
Ow!
Let's send them a message
by shoving the guy
that they hate the most
right back in their faces.
Thank you!
Advanced copies.
Really? My book, my book, my book.
- A Woman First: First Woman.
- Yeah.
You'd get murdered in my country
for saying something like that.
Remember a couple months
ago after you got fired
- we had drinks with Ben?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, well, I'm pregnant, it's yours.
Marjorie and I are having a baby.
RICHARD: I can't believe
I'm going to be a father.
A lot of responsibility.
You just signed away all responsibility.
Say hello to little Richard.
It was President Selina Meyer
who negotiated to free Tibet.
- SELINA: They finally know it's me!
- Oh my gosh!
I've been re-thinking things.
And there are some new options for me.
The options would be easier
without any baggage.
I'm running for president.
The band is getting back together again.
I do need to talk to
you about your role.
- To Team Meyer.
- ALL: To Team Meyer.
- Second time's the charm.
- Ah, it's actually fourth.
Fourth time's the charm.
SELINA: It's just incredible.
"New Selina.
"
- ALL: "Now.
"
- Oh, it's perfect!
I don't really get it, actually.
Ma'am, we're so far ahead in the polls
and you're not even running yet.
SHEILA couldn't agree more.
Hey, Kent's dating again.
No, SHEILA is my
predictive computer model
- for election results.
- SELINA: No.
No.
Strategic Hypermetric
Electoral Interactive
Logistical Algorithm.
I don't want nuts.
I like her more than I
like the deaf girl.
- Whatever happened to her?
- The police have no leads.
- GARY: Here you go, ma'am.
- I still need my speech.
- LEON: It's printing, ma'am.
- Amy, are you there?
We're all ready for you, ma'am.
Hey! Sweatpants! You
can't just walk out.
This isn't a Terrence Malick movie.
Sit.
Al right, quiet, everyone.
Mommy's reading.
DAN: OK, the network's
been properly fluffed.
Told 'em to expect a
surprise announcement
without telling 'em that
she's surprise-announcing.
Maybe after the announcement
we can finally sit down.
There's still a lot to talk about.
We talk plenty, Amy.
No, not you, ma'am.
I was talking about the
(whispers)
What? Jesus, I thought
you sent that thing
to the 7-Eleven dumpster
in the sky already.
It's just we've been so busy with
the campaign.
I don't wanna
Waitin' for the thing to
get into fucking college?!
What are you doing?!
OK, Leon, I'm still I'm
not sure about this part
where I say I wanna be
president for all Americans.
I mean, do I? Ya know? All of them?
- How about "real Americans"?
- Oh, yeah, that's good.
And then we can figure out
- what I mean later.
- Yeah.
Ma'am, I don't have a
copy of the speech.
OK, I don't know what
she's saying, so here.
- (Amy continues)
- Ma'am, the voters need to know clearly
and definitively why you
want to be president.
In your own words.
If you want me to use
my own goddamn words,
- then write me something to say.
OK?
- Yes, ma'am.
Oh, and take out the
stuff about immigration
'cause I feel like it's
a little too issue-y.
LEON: OK.
(music playing)
Hello, Iowa!
- I'm
- Selina Meyer.
- Wait a minute.
Where is everyone?
- Maybe they're hiding.
SELINA: Wha
SELINA (over phone): Amy? Where are you?
At the airport.
Where are you?
There's only one fuckin' runway!
I'm at the airport! We just landed!
- That's not possible.
- Right now I'm standing here,
with my dick in my hand,
in Cedar Falls, Iowa!
- Ma'am, we're in Cedar Rapids.
- No!
- This is supposed to be New Selina!
- Now!
If Mohamad Atta had you
people booking his travel,
he'd still be alive today.
Which from his perspective,
would be a massive fuck-up.
BEN: Yeah, it didn't go very well.
- SELINA: Ya think?
- DAN: Ma'am, FYI,
we're tracking a school shooting
in Spokane, Washington.
- Muslim or white guy?
- Don't know yet.
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