Too late.
- (knocking)
- KEITH: Hey, now,
you're not a grilled chicken
Caesar and a Miller Lite.
- I need to talk to you.
- Sure.
I'm all ears, milady.
- Was it you?
- Excuse me?
Andrew is blown up.
Did you do that? Did
you fucking do that?!
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey!
I have no idea what you're
talking about, Madame President,
but you did say to take care of it.
No, I didn't.
I said for
you to pay him off.
I distinctly remember you
saying "Take care of it.
"
OK, sure, but I didn't
I didn't say it
in a "take care of it" kind of way.
I just said take care of it.
And it was pretty clear.
You
said, "Take care of it,"
and then you gave me a look.
Not a "blow him to
kingdom-fucking-come" look!
No, no, no.
Listen, your
eyebrows did not move at all.
Because I have had Botox!
I abhor violence of any type.
- Ye Yes.
- OK? But I have seen
plenty of "blow him up" looks.
Oh, I'm sorry.
(crying)
- OK.
- (weeping)
- Oh.
- Oh, my God.
Let me get you some tissues.
- (crying) OK.
- OK? Yeah.
(sobbing)
(gasps)
I'm going back to my room.
KEITH: Oh, OK, OK.
(crying)
It's OK, Catherine.
Catherine, Mommy's here.
- (sobbing)
- Mommy's here.
OK, Mommy has to go.
- Mommy has to go.
- What?
It's all right, Catherine, Mommy's here.
What do you think it says?
I don't read Mandarin, ma'am.
When do the new Kents come out?
Do we have any friends at State?
We have to find someone
who can read Mandarin
but have no idea what it means.
Like a brain-damaged Chinaman.
- Or woman.
- Or woman.
Sorry.
Or the adopted child of
someone with brain damage.
AMY: You know what would help sell
this birth certificate presser
is actually finding the
fucking birth certificate!
Yeah, I know! God, Mom!
Don't you have a file
marked "Important Shit"
that has baby teeth in it
and my VHS copy of "Night Eyes
II" starring Shannon Tweed?
Yes, and that's the
first place I looked.
- What's that?
- There it is!
OK, Jonie, we really need to talk.
Mom, we don't have time to talk.
America is waiting for my leadership.
Oh, excuse me, I think
I'm gonna be sick.
Uh-oh, I think I know what that's about.
(indistinct chatter)
Agent Youngblood.
You know, I think you're
doin' a great job, sir.
I have repeatedly called
for Selina Meyer to release
her birth certificate,
but as everybody on my elementary
school playground knows,
I am not afraid to show you mine.
In fact, here it is.
This is my birth certificate.
Name: Jonah Joy Ryan.
Weight: six pounds.
Length:
twenty-six inches.
Yeah, that's right, twenty-six inches.
Mother: Nancy Kincannon.
Father
Excuse me.
(crowd murmuring)
BETH: Jonah.
Now it's your turn, Selina Meyer.
Lloyd is my real dad?
Oh, of course he is.
I tried to tell you a
hundred times, Jonie.
Do you want a snack?
No.
I'm not talking to y
Fine.
Mac and cheese.
- NANCY: OK.
- I can't believe this.
And ketchup.
That's why we went to Canada.
We didn't tell anyone because
Lloyd and I are second cousins.
- BETH: Ohh.
- God, Mom, that is vomitrocious.
I could have been born with
something wrong with me.
You know what? I never thought
that this would be a problem,
then the two of you eloped
so I just decided not
to think about it
'cause that's the best
solution sometimes.
- Wait, is Lloyd still my dad?
- Yeah, nobody knows.
But you're now officially my stepsister.
Half sister.
I'm sorry, I think I'm
gonna be sick again.
(microwave beeps)
Mac and cheese is ready.
Do you have any apple slices?
Anything you want, honey.
I want Lloyd to not be my dad!
Me too.
MIKE: Ma'am, you said
- you weren't gonna be here.
- Surprise!
Do you want to meet baby
Henry? He's so cute.
Yes, but often, when a child
gets a new baby brother,
they can feel neglected
and And low self-esteem.
- Catherine, for one.
- Well, yes, exactly.
And she didn't even have
a baby brother.
So
I actually feel the same way,
too, as a dad, sometimes.
So I think I should probably
go and see Ellen right now.
Sure.
Does anybody want
to meet baby Henry?
No.
SELINA: Hi, Ellen.
I'm your Auntie Selina,
and this is Uncle Bennie,
- and this is
- Chief Strategist Kent Davison.
- How do you do?
- Hi.
Honey, can you do me a favor?
You know what, I've got
this piece of paper.
(playful tone) I don't
know what it says.
I think maybe it's in Mandarin.
- Did you bring me a present?
- It's in the car.
Cool.
Let's see
I just talked to my guy
in the Southern District.
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