10. Marco (第1季)【完整台词】

The ice is a pain in the ass, but he needs it.

I usually sneak into a motel and fill a garbage bag, but you can have whoever you hire just buy it.

The most important thing is the newspapers.

Uh, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal They're a must.

There's a newsstand on Eubank that has both of them at 6:00 A.

M.

, which is good 'cause he's an early riser.

The Albuquerque Journal he gets delivered, but somebody still has to bring it in for him.

You've been doing all of this every day For over a year? You'll take care of this? Absolutely.

I'll get it done and done right.

I always liked you, Jimmy.

Remember? I used to call you "Charlie Hustle.

" Yeah, I remember that.

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

That was nice.

You sure you're all right? It's not a crime to let it out.

There's nothing to let out.

Chuck's a sick man.

That's no excuse.

He's my brother.

He thinks I'm a scumbag.

There's nothing I can do to change that.

What else is there to say? Wow.

That's mature.

Dalai Lama's got nothing on me.

O-64, as in, "oh, to be 64 again!" O-64.

All right.

Next up We got N-32.

"N" as in "Nancy Reagan," a first lady with a lot of style.

Anybody else seen "Hellcats of the Navy"? All right.

No winners yet? Okay, here's B-2, just like the B-2 bomber, the stealth There's probably one taking off over at Kirtland right now.

We would never know because it's stealthy.

Still no winners? No? Here we have B-4, another "B.

" How about that? As in, "before too long, we're gonna have another winner.

" No? Nobody? Okay.

All right.

And here comes Hey, it's our old friend "B.

" B-12.

"B," as in, uh "B," as in "Betrayal" Benedict Arnold betrayed The United States.

Still no winners.

No? Okay.

Here it is.

Oh, what are the odds? Four B's in a row.

That's B-7.

"B" as in "B" as in"Brother" brother.

B-7 "Seven brides for seven brothers.

" I'm sure a lot of you have brothers.

It's not like mine, though.

Any winners yet? Take a take another look, okay? I'll wait.

All I'm gonna say is, if it's another "B," could have a real problem here.

And Hey, it is another "B.

" B-5, as in, "boy, this 'B' thing is really starting to tick me off.

" "B" as in "battleship.

" "B" as in "bourbon.

" "B" as in "Belize" Beautiful place, so I've heard.

I would love to go there.

But, uh, let's face it That's never gonna happen.

None of us is ever leaving this godforsaken wasteland.

Sorry.

Scratch that.

Moving on.

I mean, what is it with this place? It's it's like living inside an easy-bake oven.

I mean, look out that window.

It's it's like a soulless, radioactive Georgia O’Keeffe hellscape out there, crawling with coral snakes and scorpions and You ever see the movie "The Hills Have Eyes"? It's a documentary! God forbid your car breaks down You have to walk 10 steps.

You got a melanoma the size of a pineapple where your head used to be.

And so you ask, "why?" Why? If if that's how I feel, why do I live here? Why?! Excuse me.

Are you gonna read that number? Yeah.

I'm gonna read your number.

And it's another "B.

" It's another frigging "B.

" Boy, of course.

Why not? Why not?! And the next number Uh, quick question Who here knows what a Chicago sunroof is? Anybody? You, sir? No? Okay.

True story uh, back home, uh, there was this guy named Chet.

Now, Chet was a real asshole.

He might have owed me some money.

He might have slept with my wife Before she became my ex-wife.

The details don't matter.

Suffice it to say, I was wronged.

All right, so, one summer evening, I was out having a few drinks One or two, maybe three.

You get the picture? And, uh, who do I see? Chet.

He drove up, and he double-parked outside a dairy queen and went in to get some soft-serve.

Now, Chet drove And this will give you an idea of exactly what kind of a douchebag this guy was Drove a white pearlescent BMW 7 series with white leather interior.

So, I saw that thing, and I had I'd had a few, like I said.

And, uh I climbed up top, and I may have Defecated, uh, through the sunroof.

Not my finest hour I'll grant you that.

But that's what a Chicago sunroof is.

Now you know.

It's a real thing.

I didn't make it up.

I'm not the first person to do it.

There's a name for it.

Guy wanted some soft-serve I gave him some soft-serve.

I did not know that his children were in the backseat.

There was a level of tint on the windows that I'll maintain to this day was not legal in an Illinois-licensed vehicle.

But somehow, that's on me, I guess.

Who leaves two Cub Scouts in a double-parked car with the engine running?! Come on.

Now, Chet was connected, see? Like, uh, Cicero connected.

So, usually, I'd be looking at malicious mischief, public intoxication, disorderly conduct, maybe, but he's got the D.

A.

saying indecent exposure, calling me a sex offender.