1
Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da
ba-da-ba-da-ba
Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da
Let's go!
We'll be there
a wink and a smile
and a great, old time
yeah, we'll be there
wherever we are,
there's fun to be found
we'll be there
when you turn that corner
when you jump out the bush
with a big bear hug
and a smile
we'll be there
[Buzzing]
[Music]
[Sneezes]
[Sneezes]
Uh, one pepperoni and
a spring blossom.
Man: Do you want anything to drink?
- Um, do you have anything orange?
- Hey, check this out.
[Chuckles]
- So what do you think?
- Huh? What do I think, what?
My thing here.
I've got this great plan
to change my image,
to look cooler, man.
Just gonna lean against
everything I see.
Hmm.
Leaning against things
make you look cool, huh?
How do I look?
Eh, I don't think it's
quite working for you.
- Maybe you're too cute?
- What!? I'm not cute!?
Hey, man, it's okay to be cute.
Everyone's got their thing.
My thing is being cool.
Hmph.
And you, you're cute.
And he he's, um whatever.
- Sir, your order's ready.
- Ooh!
But, Grizz, I don't
want that to be my thing.
Aw, man, forget about it.
Just eat.
Mmm, mmm.
[Baby Panda sneeze]
Oh, excuse me.
Oh, man.
[Sniffles]
I guess it's allergy season.
- Dude, that was the cutest sneeze ever.
- Stop saying that I'm cute!
[Baby Panda sneeze]
- Oh, bless you.
- That was such a cute sneeze.
[Groans, baby Panda sneeze]
[Laughs]
Panda sneeze cute!
[Grumbles] I'm not cute.
Bro, your sneeze was
straight up adorable.
Stop! I'm not cute!
You think that was cute?
Oh, come on, man!
I'm not cute!
[Baby Panda sneeze]
[shutter clicks]
- That was adorable.
- Man #1: Let me see! Let me see!
Woman #1: Oh, man, that's
the cutest thing ever.
Man #2: Oh, my gosh.
Did
you see how cute that was?
Woman #2: Um, yes, I just saw
how cute that was.
Aah aah
Aah! I'm not cute!
Where you going, man?
[Electricity crackles, whirring]
[Clang!, whirring stops]
[Groans]
[Sniffles] I hate allergies.
Oh, thank you.
[Inhales deeply]
Ahh
[Baby Panda sneeze]
Grizzly: What? This can't be.
Oh, my! [Gasps]
Pan! Panda!
Panda, you gotta see this!
Oh, sorry, dude.
Panda, t-the achoo!
- The sneeze, they filmed it!
- Panda: Huh?
[Baby Panda sneeze]
It's huge!
It's trending all over the internet!
People think you're
the cutest thing ever.
Ice Bear is proud of you.
But I don't want to be the
cutest thing on the internet!
I don't want to be known for this.
This isn't who I am.
Thi wh huh?
Uh, yeah, of course Panda will come take
photos and sign autographs!
Okay, thanks! Bye!
[Cellphone beeps] Whoo-hoo!
Panda, you're gonna be
the most famous, cutest bear ever!
[Whiffling!]
[Baby Panda sneeze]
[Baby Panda sneeze]
[Flash clicks]
[Panting]
- Excuse me, uh, sir, there's
- Nom Nom: Uh, wait.
Almost
there it is! [Laughs]
Oh, I'm so good.
Bravo, Nom Nom.
- Sir, uh, s-something's
- It's all about the subtlety.
You can't just throw the
cute into people's faces.
- Sir, something's trending.
- What are you going on about?
It's the top video today, sir.
The views are off the charts.
- I didn't release a new video today.
- You didn't, sir.
[Baby Panda sneeze]
[Both gasp]
He's good.
[Chuckling] Please!
This is just a fad.
By tomorrow, this thing will be
another lame piece
of internet obscurity.
It better be.
[Upbeat music playing
and cheers and applause]
- Welcome to the show.
I'm Tom.
- And I'm Kate.
- Now, who likes cute animals?
- Oh, I do, Tom.
[chuckles]
Well, of course.
We all do.
Adorable animals are
taking over the internet,
and we have two of
them with us here today!
Please welcome our guests,
Nom Nom the koala,
and Panda the panda.
[Cheers and applause]
Aww, thank you, guys.
- The pleasure's all mine.
- Smile!
First up, what do you say we start
with the sneeze heard around the world.
[Baby Panda sneeze]
All: Awwww!
Don't you just want to hug him?
[Laughs]
All I do is hug that gorgeous bear!
Well, uh, I've got an announcement!
Everyone's been asking,
"Hey, Nom Nom, when's
your new video coming out?"
Well, the answer is right now.
Oh! Okay, let's take a look
at Nom Nom's newest video.
[Sneezes]
[Giggles]
- Stop recording, you
- Man: Oh, sorry.
Huh.
Hey, Nom Nom's totally
copying Panda's video!
[Booing]
Chill, people! I didn't
I didn't steal anything!
Well, it's a good thing the annual
Cute-off is around the corner.
- Cute-off?
- That's right.
Two animals enter, and
one leaves with the title
of the cutest animal on the web!
Well, it looks like we
have our two contestants
for the annual Cute-off.
[Cheers and applause]
You heard it here first, folks.
It's time to take a commercial
break.
Don't go anywhere.
[Groans] I don't want to
be in a cute competition.
This whole thing is
getting worse and worse.
- You'll get use to it.
- But I don't want to get used to it.
I don't want any of this.
- Honestly, I wish I never sneezed at all.
- Really? Hmm
I have an idea.
Why don't
you join me in my limo
- for some refreshments after the show?
- Um, okay.
[Car doors shut]
I'm gonna cut to the
chase with you, Panda.
We want different things.
I want to be number one again.
You want out of the cute game,
- and back to your cool-guy life, yes?
- Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, so, how do we solve this dilemma?
- Um I don't know.
- You let me win.
If you throw this fight and lose,
everything will go back to normal.
Finally, this nightmare
will be over for both of us.
- Hmm, you really think that could work?
- Oh, yeah, it'll work.
Just remember the plan
I'll be cute, and you'll be what?
- Cool?
- Exactly!
Do we have a deal? Yeah!
[Cheers and applause]
Nom Nom swag!
Get your Nom Nom swag right now!
Panda merch! Guys, come over
and support the cutest bear around.
Front row!
I'm glad we lined up three hours early.
Dude, our little Panda's gonna
be out there all on his own.
I mean, is this what mothers feel like?
There's a lot of people here?
Oh, I hope he's not nervous.
[Cheering]
Marie: Welcome, everyone,
to the national Cute-off!
It's starting! It's starting!
It's starting! Shh, shh!
Whoever fills up their
cute-o-meter first
will be crowned the
cutest animal in existence,
and we'll be throwing in
a shiny trophy to boot!
Now, without further ado,
let's welcome the king
of the internet, Nom Nom!
[Camera shutters clicking
and upbeat pop song plays]
gonna dance all day
and have some fun
here we go, let's hang some more
Nom Nom's already off to a great start,
but it might take more than that
to defeat the upcoming sneezy
sensation, Panda! [Hip hop plays]
[Rapping]
# yeah, here it comes #
uh, so real
so fresh
[Silence]
Whoo-hoo!
[claps]
[Beatboxing]
[Rapping]
# my name is Panda #
I am a Panda
I'm a Panda bear
[Silence]
[Person coughs]
[Chime!]
Marie: Well, okay, Panda's starting off
with something a little unconventional.
I guess you never know what
people find cute these days.
here we go, let's hang some more
[Cheering]
[Chime!]
[Gasps]
[Cheering]
Huh?
[Chuckles]
Hey, what's going on?
Why aren't you doing your cute thing?
I don't want to be cute,
I want to be cool like you.
Listen, man, cute is
what makes you cool.
That's why all these
people came to see you.
Do you really think I'm cool?
Man, you got famous on the internet!
You got on a talk show.
You are the coolest!
Ice Bear thinks you're precious.
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