3. Poker, Faith, and Eggs (第1季)【完整台词】

1 [GEORGE MICHAEL'S "FAITH" PLAYING] [TAPE REWINDING] Faith, faith, faith Baby I know you're asking me to stay Say please, please, please don't go away You say I'm giving you the blues Maybe Huh! You mean - Every word you say - [POPPING LOUDLY] Can't help but think Of yesterday And another who tied me down To lover boy rules ADULT SHELDON: My father took pride in saying that he ran our house like a tight ship.

The ship got a lot looser when - my meemaw came over to babysit.

- [FIRECRACKER POPS] I bet a nickel.

Hang on there a minute, moon pie.

I want to teach you somethin'.

Look at your cards, and then look in the mirror.

Hey, I'm smiling.

- [FIRECRACKER POPS] - Uh-huh.

And what does that tell me about your cards? That I like them? Attaboy.

Now look at my face.

- [FIRECRACKER POPS] - Tell me what you see.

That you're old.

It's a good thing I love you.

I'm gonna look at my cards again.

You're unhappy.

Which means? You don't have good cards.

- Mm-hmm.

- [FIRECRACKER POPS] So I'm gonna see your nickel - and raise you a quarter.

- Quarter? You can fold.

No.

I have good cards, you have bad cards.

I'm in.

- Nines and fives.

- Mm.

That's too bad.

Three queens.

You lose! - [LAUGHING] - What? But you weren't happy.

- I made you think I was unhappy.

- But that's lying.

You lied to your moon pie.

I bluffed my moon pie.

- Do people know about this? - Sheldon, what's on a person's face is not always what's in their heart.

Well, this changes everything.

How do you know who to trust? You don't.

That's what makes life interesting.

ADULT SHELDON: Meemaw liked to teach me things that kept me awake at night.

MARY: Mom, we're home! In here! What's he doing up? Losin'.

[FIRECRACKER POPS] Hell is that? I sent Georgie on a beer run, and tipped him with firecrackers.

Oh, Mom.

- [DOOR OPENS] - Was I supposed to stiff him? I ate so much candy! Okay.

They're all yours.

[CHUCKLES] [FIRECRACKER POPS] - Faith, faith, faith.

- [GROANS] Nobody else is stronger than I am Yesterday I moved a mountain I bet I could be your hero I am a mighty little man Sometimes people say to me, "Pastor Jeff, how do you know there's a God?" And I say, "It's simple math.

God either exists or he doesn't.

" [CHUCKLES]: So let's be cynical.

Worst-case scenario, there's a 50-50 chance.

And I like those odds.

That's wrong.

Shelly, put your hand down.

Sorry.

Please continue.

[CHUCKLES] It's okay, Mary.

I-It's Sheldon, right? - Yes, sir.

- Well, Sheldon, why don't you come on up here and tell me how I'm wrong.

- No.

- Okay.

[CHUCKLES] Let's give him a hand, everybody.

- Mm.

- What's happening? Shelly's gonna eat him alive.

[CHUCKLES] PASTOR JEFF: So you were saying? You've confused possibilities with probabilities.

According to your analogy, when I go home I might find a million dollars on my bed or I might not.

In what universe is that 50-50? [CONGREGATION MURMURING] PASTOR JEFF: So what do you think the odds are that God exists? I think they're zero.

I believe in science.

[CONGREGATION OOH'ING, MURMURING] PASTOR JEFF: So you don't think science and religion can go hand in hand? Science is facts, religion is faith.

- I prefer facts.

- Mm.

I understand that.

Here's a cool fact for ya.

A lot of famous scientists believed in God.

Isaac Newton.

Albert Einstein.

Even Charles Darwin.

[CONGREGATION AH'ING] So Darwin's right about God and wrong about evolution? Now you're gettin' it.

Let's give it up for Sheldon, everybody.

What a good sport.

Oh.

[ORGAN PLAYING] ADULT SHELDON: But I wasn't a good sport.

At that moment, I vowed to come back the following Sunday and destroy Pastor Jeff.

[KNOCKING] Uh, hello, Mr.

Cooper.

Is Missy home? Hello, Billy.

No, she's at church.

I brought her eggs from my chickens.

I see that.

You can boil them or scramble them.

Okay.

I like fried.

Okay.

I don't like poached.

Okay.

Thank you for your time.

Okay.

MARY: You want me to cook those eggs for you, baby? No.

They're a gift.

Sorry.

He even wrote me a note.

"Eggs from your secret admirer.

Billy.

" GEORGE SR.

[CALLS]: Mary, can you come in here? I'm cookin'.