Fred, would you just give me a moment?
Mary, I-I've tried to be patient,
but if I'm gonna do this,
put my reputation on the line,
I'm gonna need you to
back off just a little bit.
Do I need to remind you that
the purpose of Heck House
is to show how sins destroy our lives?
Yeah, so?
You are making them into a good thing.
Have you read the script?
He's gonna get syphilis.
He goes home, he gives it to his wife.
She goes crazy.
She kills him and her entire family.
What am I missing?
Sorry I'm late.
I couldn't find my keys,
and then my car wouldn't start.
Then I got lost.
Holy smokes.
Hi.
Are you my make out partner?
No.
No.
No one's making out.
This all stops right now.
You have got to calm down.
I will not have innocent
children walk through this house
on Halloween and see a half-naked woman.
A half-naked woman
chock-full of syphilis.
- BOTH: What?
- It's pretend syphilis.
Mary, I am a trained
theater professional.
Why don't you just let me
do what I do, while you,
you know, go home and
make a nice tuna casserole.
Hmm?
All right, Fred
ADULT SHELDON: I know
what you're thinking:
she's going to tear his throat out.
But what in fact happened is she did
what she thought Jesus would do.
She went home and made
that tuna casserole.
It was a little salty
but I ate it because she was in a mood.
KIDS: Trick or treat!
[LAUGHTER]
[EERIE ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]
[RECORDED SCREAMS PLAYING]
[GASPING, LAUGHING]
Greetings.
Pleased to meet you.
I go by many names: Satan, Lucifer,
Mephistopheles, Beelzebub.
Of course, when I make
a dinner reservation,
I-I go by "Eric.
"
It's easier to spell.
Before we begin
tonight's descent into Heck,
I'd like to tell you
a little about myself.
'Cause it's all about you, isn't it?
I was God's chosen angel.
I was his favorite.
We used to go camping together.
But then, because I wanted
to have a little bit of fun,
I was cast from heaven.
Tonight, you will bear
witness to that fun.
You will decide
whether it is sinful
or just another Saturday night.
[LAUGHS] Come with me if you dare.
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
Just watch your step right over here,
'cause there's some electrical wires.
- [HISSES]
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
ALL: Trick or treat.
Oh, look how cute y'all are.
Now, I know you are Superman.
What about the rest of you?
- I'm Cyndi Lauper.
- I'm a wizard.
Uh-huh.
And I'm Carl Sagan.
Who?
Carl Sagan.
He's the host of Cosmos.
Well, isn't that something.
Now, y'all be safe and have a fun night.
I'm Super
[LAUGHTER, SHOUTING]
You like Guns N' Roses?
They're all right.
Yeah, they're all right.
You as smart as your brother?
Nobody is.
I got an older sister
that's kind of a genius.
Oh, yeah?
Why didn't she tutor you?
She's in jail.
What'd she do?
She sold a piñata full of weed
to an undercover cop.
Doesn't sound like much of a genius.
Oh, I don't know, she
graduated high school.
BILLY: Ooh, peanut butter cups!
Superman loves peanut butter cups!
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
So you see, the sin of greed.
Very wealthy man, a beautiful house,
swimming pool, several German cars,
and a young wife who worshipped him.
Excuse me, Mr.
Satan.
What?
You kind of left out
how greed is the root of all evil,
and how it corrupts the soul.
It's in there.
It's called subtext.
Why don't we take a gander
at the eternal torment
that is sloth.
Eh!
I can't believe no
one in this town knows
who Carl Sagan is.
Why even have a TV?
Stupid Mrs.
Gifford gave me a banana.
SHELDON: Where's Billy?
He had to go to the bathroom.
- So he went home?
- No.
He's right behind that tree.
Wait up, guys.
Oh, I got a little on my cape.
Ew.
There's nobody at my house.
You want to come over?
Yes.
Okay, let's go.
[ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Look at this.
We threw a party for
heaven and nobody came.
Not one person chose to be saved.
Well, did you tell
'em about the cupcakes?
MEEMAW: Where I think you went wrong
is in your timing.
If you'd done this deal
during a war or a plague,
then you'd have a boatload of converts.
Famine.
Famine would bring 'em in.
What do you know about famine?
Hola, amigos.
Hey, Pastor Jeff.
Why so glum? This is going great.
Donations are through the roof.
[LAUGHS]
Nobody wants to be saved.
Yeah, but donations
are through the roof.
Is that all this means
to you, raising money?
Hey, that money is
gonna do a lot of good
for a lot of people.
Now, quit being such a fun sponge.
Here, have some grapes.
[LAUGHING]
What's that?
Some stupid haunted house
my mother's doing for the church.
Let's check it out.
But I-I thought we were
going to your house.
We are, let's just do this first.
It'll be fun.
[WHIMPERS]
Pleased to meet you.
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所属电视剧:Young Sheldon (2017)
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