3. The Waldo Moment (第2季)【完整台词】

A Waldo pilot? Yeah.

I mean, how does that sound? Yeah.

Sounds good.

Sounds stormin' Norman, fucking stormin'.

Going to give it to 'em.

PHONE BEEPS But look, we can't do sketches without Waldo.

It's a Waldo pilot, it's a Waldo show, it's got to be Waldo, Waldo, Waldo.

Realistically, there isn't the budget for other animations.

I mean live action, other characters I can do.

What about the Brown Knight? What, the crap crusader? We can look into the Brown Knight.

But right now let's find more Waldo ideas.

The problem is, any guests we book will be in on it.

They know that Waldo's a joke, the surprise is gone.

So, we think round that.

(WALD) Hey, boys and girls! It's Waldo time! Yeah! Ha-ha! He's awesome, isn't he? I mean, look - sod name in lights, you're an app now, my brother.

All right, Sara? How's the think tanking going, good shit? Um, yeah, yeah, we're making headway.

Good.

I see our friend Monroe is in the news again, running in the Stentonford by-election.

We should get Waldo down there.

Hey, that's not a bad idea, actually.

We get a van with a screen with the image of Waldo on the side.

Like it.

And then, when Monroe's doing a meet and greet, we just turn up and just get under his skin.

I love that, I love it.

We've done Monroe.

But it was a great bit.

I'm not dumb or clever enough to be political Why don't we get Waldo to stand for the by-election? Get people to vote for him? He's not real.

But people have stood as fictional characters before.

Do you think Screaming Lord Sutch was his real name? We just put "commonly known as" on the ballot.

No-one's actually going to vote for him, that's not the point.

The point is, we get to hang around, we're there for the count.

Well, go on then, Sara, whack it up there.

'He's with a mum and baby group.

' OK.

Going live in fivefourthree two 'Thank you so much for joining me this morning.

' It's been incredibly informative and I think we should have a little round of applause for the children, who were fantastic.

Thank you, Naomi.

Thank you for your time.

Hey! Hey, it's me Waldo.

Oh.

I like your trainers, man! I'd wear trainers myself but I can't cos I haven't got feet.

I've got stumps.

(THEY LAUGH) He's out.

Hey, Mr Monroe! Mr Monroe.

Hey! Did you get off with any of the mums? Where'd you look while they were breastfeeding? They got big milky tits, Mr Monroe! He said it! Mr Monroe, don't walk away from me! I'm sorry about this, Liam.

Hey, I'm being snubbed! Hey, don't ignore me.

Don't just get in your car.

It's a death trap anyway, look at it! Let's find out what we can about the idiot inside that thing.

Sure.

Mr Monroe.

Oi! PHONE RINGING 'Stentonford Labour Party.

' Right, you've got a choice of styles, so just choose one from there.

Then you put your name in there.

This is like bloody Moonpig.

Don't knock the free mail out.

Bet Liam Monroe doesn't use some Fisher-Price leaflet app.

He doesn't have to.

Day one of the campaign in Stentonford and Hersham, and Tory hopeful Liam Monroe hits the ground running.

The licence fee is something that's very close to my heart 'Mr Monroe, ey! Oh, oh, oh! Look at me Mr Monroe, please!' Hey, over here! Hey, over here Look over here, Mr Monroe The Conservative Party have been, er Have been arguing for a reduction of the licence fee for Good morning, everybody.

Pardon? Why you ignoring me, Mr Monroe? Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me? I beg your pardon.

I'm sorry.

It's rather loud.

We have argued for a further reduction in the licence fee Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me? Mum with a pushchair - drag her into it.

Hey, you.

Mum with the pushchair.

Yeah, you.

Ask Mr Monroe why he's ignoring me.

Why are you ignoring Waldo? 'Mr Monroe, what's Waldo done to you?' We should probably just shift before this turns stupid.

I'm not walking away from a cartoon.

'I'm not ignoring you.

' Yeah, you were, you upset me.

You made Waldo sad.

Wa-a-a-a-a-a-ah.

Well, obviously, I'm absolutely devastated that you're upset WA-A-A-A-A-A-A (CROWD LAUGHS) Let him get a word in.

I'm not ignoring you because there is no you.

You are an image voiced by a comedian - an alleged comedian, more accurately.

If I'm not real, why you talking to him? And by "him" I mean me, knobber! (CROWD LAUGHS) There's no point in attempting to converse with a cartoon.

Ooh, "converse", Your Lordship! Thy flowery language doth give me a right throbbing bone-on! Uh-ha-ha-ha-huh! (CROWD GASPS AND LAUGHS) Uh-er-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-uh-uh-uh! Uh-uh-uh-oh! Huh! Finished.

(CROWD LAUGHS) Drink? I've got e-mails.

You know that's Gwendolyn Harris? The Labour candidate.

Did you read my background doc? Yes.

Why don't you read it tonight? Alone.

I'll swing by about nine, so have your breakfast first Are you my dad? Apparently not.

See you tomorrow.

(TELEVISION)'.

.

Waldo the bear left Monroe in stunned silence.

'The colourful Waldo launched his own campaign 'in typically loud and crowd-pleasing style' Someone's bold? Do I know you? Nice way to greet a voter Sorry, I thought you were Actually, I'm more of a rival.

"Hey, Mr Monroe, Mr Monroe, why are you ignoring me, Mr Monroe?" You're good at that! Because I am that.

What? You're that thing? Waldo's not a thing, he's a bear.

Liam Monroe calls him worse.

Nice work there, by the way.

Yeah, well.

It's dick jokes at his expense basically.

Another one? OK.

One.

The way you describe it, it's like you're doing this for a showreel No .

.

like this place is the equivalent of a walk-on in a sketch show Shh! .

.