3. The Waldo Moment (第2季)【完整台词】

.

doesn't get us anywhere and there's no point in us continuing Tell them why you're here.

.

.

if we can't have anything resembling a deba Tell them why you're here.

She's here to build a showreel.

I'm not kidding, that's literally it.

Knows she's not going to win.

This is all experience, to get on telly.

She actually gives less of a shit about anyone round here than he does, because he'll actually have to represent you.

Am I wrong? A career politician.

Someone else less real than me, and I can do this.

LAUGHTER AND WHOOPING Can I just make a couple of points? Oh, shut up, you pebble.

What is this for? That's what you wanted to know, Mr Monroe.

And the truth is, none of us know any more, thanks to you.

What are you for? What are you for? Thank you and goodnight.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING KNOCKING Jamie.

Jamie? Jack's here.

He wants to see us.

You can't avoid it.

Get dressed, he'll meet us outside.

(TV) 'And yet accusations of vapidity aside, 'it's clearly tapped a nerve.

'in just three days, Waldo has gone viral.

'The video of his clash has already been viewed over a million times 'on YouTube.

There are Facebook groups calling on Waldo 'to form a national party.

' 'You're a joke.

'You look less human than I do and I'm a made-up bear with 'a turquoise (BLEEP) What are you? 'You're just an old attitude with new hair.

'Assuming you're my superior because I'm not taking you seriously.

'No-one takes you (BLEEP) seriously.

' MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY Oh, look, here he is the man of the moment! How does it feel to be a phenomenon? Shitifying.

You are everywhere, my son.

Twitter, the news Have you seen the poll? You're in third place, mate.

You overtook that Lib Dem prick Yeah, well, he's a glass of water.

This is an opportunity, Jamie.

He knows my name now.

We could really do something here.

You know, everyone's pissed with the status quo.

And Waldo gives that a voice.

Waldo's a bear.

A blue bear.

Tell him, Tams.

We've been asked on Consensus.

It's a ten-minute one-to-one interview with Phillip Crane.

Pitbull Crane? Big guns for big guns.

Hello? I'm not a politician, OK? I don't want to be a politician.

We know that you hate politics.

I don't hate them, I'm just not interested in them.

You don't need to be interested in them.

You just need to be Waldo.

And when Crane asks something tricky and I look stupid because I don't know how to answer? You'll know the answer.

Because you have a producer.

Look, I can tell you what to say.

I can live Google any facts, give you stats, quotes, whatever else you need.

So you've got a safety net for the concrete stuff and the rest is Waldo and you can do that in your sleep.

You'll piss all over Crane.

He'll know there's a team around me, he'll see it.

Yeah good.

I hope he does.

I hope he points a camera at it.

All the other MPs have got teams, we're just more honest about it.

Now come on.

What d'you say? Eh? Jamie! Jamie! Why would I want to do this? Look, the world is knackered and you can do something about it.

I don't know what you're on about.

Waldo has got the attention of the young, and the young don't give a shit about anything except trainers and pirating films.

Do you have any other astounding theories about young people? Yeah, yeah I do actually.

Look, they care about Waldo.

They'll vote for Waldo.

The video was a hit for a reason.

The video's embarrassing.

I'm embarrassed by it.

I was lashing out.

I wasn't even articulate - Doesn't matter.

Or funny, which is almost worse.

We can build on that.

Waldo's not real.

Exactly! That's what you said that really hit home.

He's not real, but he's realer than all the others.

He doesn't stand for anything.

Yeah, well, at least he doesn't pretend to.

Look wewe don't need politicians, we've all got iPhones and computers, right? So any decision that has to be made, any policy, we just put it online.

Let the people vote thumbs up, thumbs down, the majority wins.

That's a democracy.

That's a that's an actual democracy.

So's YouTube and I don't know if you've seen it but the most popular video is a dog farting the theme tune to Happy Days.

Well, today it's Waldo.

No.

It's still the dog.

Listen, can you imagine all the things we can change if we fuck the politicians out the equation? I've said what I've said and now I'm shutting this door.

Do you know who owns Waldo? I do, I own the rights.

He's my character.

Yeah, written for my show.

You're too frightened to take to the next level.

Fine.

I understand.

But also, fuck off! And watch me fly.

You own Waldo, you can't be Waldo.

(MIMICS WALDO) Eh, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, what's 'appenin, eh? Pretty close, I'd say.

What's happenin'? Ahh! Waldorific, yeah! Yeah! Why is it going off left again? Because the I know! I've got my Put your thumb in the white thing.

I got that.

In there? OK.