3. The Waldo Moment (第2季)【完整台词】

That's not how that works.

First tonight, a figure - or more accurately a character - who's been causing an upset in the Stentonford by-election.

Unlike the other candidates, he has no party affiliation.

He doesn't even have a surname.

He is Waldo, a few weeks ago just a cult character in a comedy show.

Today, an official mascot for protest voters.

Vote Waldo.

Cartoons don't play by the rules and Waldo's open disdain for his opponents has clearly struck a chord.

Waldo, as a mascot for the disenfranchised, aren't you ultimately neutralizing seriously effective dissent? please? By encouraging people not to care, you're actively dangerous.

Dangerous? You think the public can't be trusted? No.

Isn't that basically you calling them twats? No, I Bell-ends then? Did you come for a discussion or You're snooty for a glorified Punch And Judy man, Phil.

You know you're gonna get your best ratings in months cos I'm here.

To even get close to the figures I'm gonna pull in for you tonight, you'd have to fuck a prawn sandwich live on air.

Make a nice prawn cocktail.

Could we make a serious political point that is I've got one big blue point to make, fool.

Would you like to have a look at it? Oh, God.

Thank you.

Great work tonight.

Look atLook at this, look at this.

It's The Waldo polling app.

Now, this can pinpoint you with GPS so that when you're at a polling station, it unlocks loads of free shit, look.

Thanks for voting, dickhead! Thanks for voting, dickhead! It's good, isn't it? Who's this guy we're meeting? I dunno.

But he's from Washington and he's got my restricted number.

Jeff Carter, from the agency.

Hey.

Hey.

And I'll leap right in.

I think what you're doing with Waldo is fascinating.

From "the agency"? Yeah, listen.

Waldo may be the perfect political figurehead.

Waldo The Bear.

The bear, people like.

The fact he's a bear is an assist.

An assist? It helps.

Right.

You look at human politicians, you're instinctively like, "brrrr" - uncanny, right? Like the girls in porn.

You know something's wrong, cos why else are they doing it? It's usually daddy issues, eh? Just like politics.

Waldo bypasses that.

You already know he's not real, so no personal flaws.

I'm a person.

With respect, Waldo's more than you.

He's a team, and you're open about that, which is fantastic.

The honesty thing works.

Waldo is a construct people not just accept but embrace.

At the moment he's anti-politics, which is a political stance itself, right? But he could deliver any brand of political content, minus the potential downsides of a human messenger.

In a debate, your team could Google every word the other guy says, then let Waldo hit him with debunk stats and spit a Twitter-ready zinger into the next sentence.

He's the perfect assassin.

We won't win, though.

You guys are so British.

No, of course he won't win.

You started out too coarse off the bat.

There's no substantial basis to what you offer, and the whole nihilist "democracy sucks" thing, yeah, is kind of wack-a-doo, but with a targeted, hopeful message, which we can provide, energising the disenfranchised without spooking the middle via your new platform You got a global political-entertainment product people actually want.

You could roll this out worldwide.

Like Pringles.

Absolutely.

It's, er It's interesting stuff though.

When you're done with Stentonford, there may be an opportunity in South America.

Se puede hablar espanol? Vivi en Madrid tres anos.

Excelente.

What? He's not coming.

But he's the party leader! It's too toxic.

(TV) Meanwhile, as support for Gwendolyn Harris appears to be dwindling, Labour denies the party is losing faith in their young candidate.

But Miss Harris spent most of the day locked in crisis talks at party headqu In the Stentonford by-election, Waldo the cartoon bear continues Did you see Gwendolyn Harris yesterday? She looks like she's been poisoned.

Because he's gonna overtake her.

We're still way ahead.

If that thing is the main opposition then the whole system looks absurd.

Which it may well be.

But it built these roads.

KNOCK AT DOOR Just come in, Roy.

I'm sorry, OK? It was wrong to speak to you like that and After the campaign, I would've called you.

After the campaign! All you've done is strengthen Monroe.

You won't win either, but I was at least attempting to represent Well I don't know! Not just "bollocks to everything".

If you were preaching revolution, well that'd be something, but you're not because that would require courage and a mindset.

And what have you got? Who are you? What are you for? Morning.

So, final push.

You remind everyone that's got the app that if they recommend it to a friend it unlocks a little fez for Waldo.

We're here.

Attention, shoppers.

I'm here to ask you an important favour.

Gather round.

Come over here and listen.

Don't vote for me.

I'm an insult.

Seriously.

Vote for Monroe or Harris or, I dunno, UKIP, or even that Lib Dem guy.

He's a prick! Seriously, only an arsehole would actually vote for me.

What is this? Irony? I'm worse than a wasted vote.

He's from the Harris campaign.

I mean it, you idiots! Don't vote for me! Don't vote for me! Don't vote for me! Don't vote for me! Don't vmmmf! Shut up.

No.

Don't boo him, he's right! He's right! What are you doing? Resigning.

Jamie! Look! It's me, I'm Waldo.

This guy, whoever this guy is, he's a hero.

You should throw stuff at Waldo, he's bad bloody news.

He's funny! He's not.

Don't listen to that man, he's a lesbian.

Ahh! So remember, the polls are open, and if you've got my app, you can unlock new stuff like catchphrases and a little hat 'n' that.

Only an idiot wouldn't vote for me so question the status quo! Kill it! Kill it! Kick them where it hurts.

The first man to hit him gets 500 quid! Yeah, that's right.

Knock him down.