4. Episode 4 (第1季)【完整台词】

1 I'm gonna buy a paper doll That I can call my own A doll that other fellows cannot steal And then the flirty, flirty guys - Good morning, Dottie.

- Good morning, Sue Anne.

Flirty, flirty eyes Will have to flirt with dollies that are real When I come home at night she will be waiting She'll be the truest doll in all this world - All right, thank you.

- Not a problem.

I'd rather have a paper doll To call my own Than have a fickle-minded real live girl DUCKETT: Doctor.

INVESTIGATOR: Can you tell us precisely what your fight with McWatt on the tarmac was about? Happiness.

INVESTIGATOR: Happiness? Your fight was about happiness? That was one of the themes, yes.

That's where it ended up, anyway.

INVESTIGATOR: Would you say that McWatt was disturbed? Yes.

INVESTIGATOR: And would you say he was mentally unwell? Sure, yeah.

Yeah, why not? INVESTIGATOR: Would you call him insane? Aren't we all? And would you say McWatt's insanity led to the death of Kid Sampson? Yes.

INVESTIGATOR: And would you agree the United States military is in no way responsible for McWatt's insanity that led to the death of Kid Sampson? I would say the United States military is entirely responsible for McWatt's insanity that led to the death of Kid Sampson.

KORN: Answer the question.

I just did.

INVESTIGATOR: Can you positively identify these to be the bodies of Lieutenants Sampson and McWatt? Positively? INVESTIGATOR: Simply yes or no will suffice.

Well, I can't really give you a simple yes or no.

I'm 20% positive that's Kid Sampson, and I'm I don't know 10% on McWatt.

INVESTIGATOR: I'll take that as a yes.

[TRUCK ENGINE RUMBLING] - DUCKETT: Thank you, bye.

- YOSSARIAN: Oh.

Hi, hi.

Uh, can I talk to you? Hi, sure.

So, I think maybe you and I are the only two sane people on this base.

Sane person? Here? Okay.

I can't take this anymore.

And I think I've figured out a way to get out of here, and I just wanna see how it registers on a sane person's face.

Wow, I'm I'm almost flattered.

So, as it stands, I still have 11 missions left to fly.

Cathcart'll raise the missions, clearly.

It's a behavioral pattern.

But I'm gonna do those 11 so fast in secret, he won't even know.

And I won't log them on the day.

I'll log them all at once after I've flown them, and then I'm gone before he even knows what happened.

So, just to get this straight, your your plan to get out of here is to fly all of the missions you're required to fly anyway? Yeah, that's my plan.

Just, really fast.

[ANITA O'DAY'S "MASSACHUSETTS"] - Heya, fella.

- Hey.

What say I fly this one for you? - BOMBARDIER: Why? - I don't know.

I'm just itching to get up there.

BOMBARDIER: All right.

I'm gonna go swimming, then.

Appreciate it.

Take that to work.

All right.

And When the porter yells Massachusetts Bombs away.

All right, that's it.

We're done.

Pull up.

Homesick as can be, Massachusetts YOSSARIAN: Pull up harder, please.

Hey, uh, what's your name, again? BOBBY: Munster.

Bobby Munster.

Nice job, Bobby Munster.

How my heart will knock Massachusetts To see Plymouth Rock Massachusetts Want to roam around Massachusetts In Nantucket town Massachusetts You can't guess how much it means for me to be - YOSSARIAN: Bombs away.

- [CANNONS BOOMING] [BOMBS SHRIEKING] Hey, there he is, the king of the clouds.

YOSSARIAN: Hey, fellas.

New Kid Sampson, New McWatt.

John Yossarian.

John Yossarian.

Just like Jack and Jill Come on, you fuck.

- Release.

- Okay, take us out! Spread the news around I'm Massachusetts bound YOSSARIAN: Heya, boys.

Let's do it.

Release.

[PLANE ENGINE DRONING] As you walk to Lexing [SWITCH CLICKS, MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY] [INHALES DEEPLY] [EERIE SILENCE] [INSTRUMENTS CLICKING] [EERIE SILENCE] [INSTRUMENTS CLICKING] [EXHALES] [METALLIC CREAK] [EXHALES DEEPLY] [LEVER CLICKS] [EERIE SILENCE] [BOOMING] [GLENN MILLER'S "IN THE MOOD"] Yes, that's it! That's it for me! I'm going home, fellas! You hear that? [GROANS] I'm going home.

- What's your name, again? - JOSEPH: Joseph, sir.

I'm going home, Joseph.

I won.

I won! - I hear someone's going home.

- Oh, you hear right.

- SMOKER: Go get 'em, Yo-Yo.

- I will.

[WHISTLING] Hi.

CLERK: Haven't seen you in a while.

- YOSSARIAN: Yeah.

- Been in the hospital again? I have not.

I have not, no.

I have been flying.

For your signing.

- You're giving me these all at once? - All at once.

There's 11 missions there.

- Count 'em.

- CLERK: Interesting way of doing it.

11 in a row.

I figure I'd save you a whole lot of work if, you know, I gave them to you all at once.

How thoughtful.

[YOSSARIAN WHISTLING] YOSSARIAN: A good day to you, Colonel.

This makes 50 missions, sir.

- Wait, you've flown - YOSSARIAN: 11 missions.

- 11 missions? - That's right, sir.

In six days.

KORN: That's not even possible.

That's 11 missions, sir.

YOSSARIAN: They're they're all stamped, sir.

Who gave you permission? I've just been making myself available, sir.

There's always somebody with the stomach bug or a headache or a hangover.

And I'm just doing what I can to help.

Just doing my bit.

This is highly irregular.

Yes, sir.

And when can I expect to receive my discharge papers, sir? Well, as soon as I've stamped your paperwork.