6. Episode 6 (第1季)【完整台词】

1 YOSSARIAN: Help! [INSECTS BUZZING] Hello? My balls.

[SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC] [PANTING] Sweet Jesus.

[GROANING] Oh [GRUNTS] Ow.

Hello? Hello? Hello? [BELL RINGING] [CHILDREN CHATTERING] [BELL CONTINUES TO RING] [NERVOUS CHATTER] YOSSARIAN: Mm.

[PANTING] - What? - [HEAVY BREATHING] [GROANING] [HISSES] Oh, Christ.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God.

How how bad is it, Doc? Eh [STAMMERS] Va bene.

Hai perso molto sange.

Uh, sorry, what? Have I lost my balls? Dovrei cucirlo.

[GROANS] I I don't understand you.

Uh, do you speak English? - [STAMMERING] Inglese? - No, no, Italiano.

[STAMMERING] No, Inglese.

BOTH: No, no.

Inglese? No? Oh, no? Oh, Christ.

[SIGHS] Um [SNIFFS] Hey, can can I Hey, Doc, you see this? Uno.

Due.

Down here.

Due? Ah, si, si.

Due.

Due? Two? Two? I I've got due balls? Si.

Due testicoli, certo.

Oh, God, thank Christ.

Thank God.

I've got two.

- Due.

- ALL: Due.

YOSSARIAN: [LAUGHING] Due balls! I got due! Oh! Huh? Oh, yeah, okay, sure.

You do do whatever you gotta do, Doc.

Eh Due.

Oh, Christ! [ALL CHATTERING IN ITALIAN] [ZESTY ITALIAN MUSIC] MAN: Hey! [ALL CHEERING] WOMAN: Bravo! [INDISTINCT CHATTER] YOSSARIAN: Hi, hi.

[LAUGHS] Oh Oh, Christ.

Thank you, thanks.

[ALL CHATTERING IN ITALIAN] Cheers, thank you for having me.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER] Spaghetti's coming.

Oh, my God.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER] Christ, thank you.

Oh, thank you.

That's wonderful.

MAN: Salute, salute! [ALL CHEERING] YOSSARIAN: Cheers.

Salute.

Buongiorno.

WOMAN: Buongiorno, signore.

Buongiorno.

[LAUGHS] Buongiorno.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER] YOSSARIAN: So what is that? [INDISTINCT CHATTER] I just want to know how far it is to the pasture.

WOMAN: [SPEAKING ITALIAN] YOSSARIAN: No, not too far.

Okay, good.

- WOMAN: [LAUGHING] - YOSSARIAN: 'Cause I might collapse.

[BOTH LAUGHING] [INDISTINCT CHATTER] YOSSARIAN: If you wanted to, that'd be fine.

But I'm not pressuring you or anything.

Yeah, yeah, I'm I'm American.

Yeah, everything about me Yeah.

[INDISTINCT] Uh, is that a bird? [NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE] What? I I don't understand what you're saying.

- Shh! - Shh.

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE] [SPEAKING ITALIAN] [INSECTS BUZZING] Ciao, Yo-Yo.

Buongiorno.

Buongiorno, Silvio.

[APPROACHING ENGINE] [ROUSING MILITARISTIC MUSIC] Are you an American? [COUGHS] No, no Inglese.

No Inglese.

Italiano.

- Is this the American? - Si, si, Americano.

No.

Mamma, nonna, per favore! Si, si! Americano, Americano.

Ah, Yossarian.

No.

[PLANE ENGINE DRONING] SCHEISSKOPF: Seven inch swing, four inch gap.

Why is that so hard? Then we look tight! Then we look fierce! Then we stand out from all the goddamn free-swinging arms that seem to be the goddamn fashion these days! You goddamn spastics think I'm gonna let you prance around here like a Busby Berkeley chorus line, then you've got another thing coming to you.

DANEEKA: All right, let's have a look at these nuts.

You're gonna need to skootch and lift.

Okay.

Ow! Sorry, it's just a little dried blood.

[COUGHS] - Okay.

- [GROANS] DANEEKA: All right, let's have a look at these.

Now, John, it looks like this piece of flak went right between your thighs.

It missed your left testicle, it missed your right testicle, and it split the soft tissue of your scrotum right between your testicles.

And that is what we call spectacular luck.

So can I go home now? Is it that kind of spectacular luck? DANEEKA: You came so close.

Now, if you lose a testicle for your country, of course you get to go home.

But you? You only almost lost a testicle.

You see the difference? The best I can do for an almost-lost testicle is just to keep you here while it's healing.

Of course, while it's healing, the number of missions you have to flying keeps rising.

Which means the longer you're here, the further away you get from going home.

But you already know that.

All right, nurse, I'll leave you to it.

Spectacular luck, huh? Oh, I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

Who knew it was as simple as one testicle? We probably could have arranged for that months ago.

I like the way you think.

MARION: What time do you ship out? 6:00 a.

m.

Ugh, that's ghastly.

Oh, it is.

It's ghastly, all right.

Well, I'd tell you I'm gonna miss you, but I probably won't.

You're gonna miss me a lot more than I'm gonna miss you.

I doubt it.

Do you wanna put money on it? Sure.

- $5.

- [LAUGHING] - What? - $5.

What are you, cheap? - 100.