Max, Caroline, I have announcement.
You're actually much shorter and are walking on stilts? I have made a special menu for tomorrow's Valentine's night dinner.
Han, that's so romantic.
Yeah, romantic and wrong.
This place isn't When Harry met Sally.
It's "When Harry met Salmonella.
" [Bell rings] Max, Club Sandwich.
And heads up I lost a band-aid.
Theme menu means I can charge one bigger price, like in top restaurants.
See? "Prick fix.
" Oh, Han, it's pronounced "prix fixe.
" Have you seen our chef? It's definitely "prick fix.
" Tomorrow night, Cupid will come to Williamsburg diner.
Didn't have the heart to tell him Cupid is dead.
Yep, hit by a mack truck crossing the Brooklyn-Queens expressway His fat, diapered baby ass splattered all over the windshield.
I love Valentine's Day.
That's your reaction? I killed Cupid.
You're either romantic or not.
I'm not even going to try to convince you.
Oh, he's dead.
And the proof When's the last time you knew anyone who fell in love? Real love, like Ice Loves Coco.
How about them? They've been holding hands and romantic whispering all night.
Their romantic whispering goes like this.
"I own nipple clamps.
" Plink! Cupid's not dead.
Plink! There goes his little arrow.
Plink, plink! Clamp, ouch! Clamp, ouch! Clamp, clamp! Ouch, ouch! Max, since it's just after midnight, it's now officially Valentine's Day.
I've got something in here for you guess what it is.
Well, judging from that smile on your face, I'd say it's a finger-sized hole in your apron.
Candy hearts! Here, hold out your hand.
Let's get our heart on.
I'm way ahead of you.
"Be mine" classic.
What's yours say? "Caroline Channing is lame.
"I hate you for giving me this.
Valentine's Day is the worst.
" Ooh, cinnamon.
Mmm.
Good evening, Earl.
My, my, my, Sophie, seeing you in that dress makes my heart race.
Two scoops of ice cream in a one scoop cone.
[Giggles] Oh, Earl, you make me smile.
I wish we had black people in Poland when I was growing up.
Too bad.
We really would have enjoyed segregation and Hitler.
Oh, hi, building neighbors.
Well, I was just driving by, and since it was raining, I thought I could offer you two girls a ride home in my town car.
The last time someone offered me a ride, I ended up in a drainage pipe in Jersey.
Sophia, you rent a town car? Yes, but only when it's raining, because, you know, I got hair extensions and nail extensions, and, you know, I I'm too extended to walk.
Hello.
I saw you from kitchen.
You turned pick-up window into painting.
Plink! Velvet painting of nude at counter.
Clamp, ouch! The girls tell me you own cleaning service.
I would like to hire you to clean my house.
Oh, yeah, this is possible.
I will send girl.
What is your address? I don't want some girl.
I want you to come clean.
Oh, you cannot get me to come.
Oh, I can get you to come.
No, I can no longer come anymore.
No, Max and Caroline can come.
Both: No, no, we're not coming.
So no one can get you to come? Well, some people can get me to come Just not you.
Hard to get I like it.
Go get the coats.
I'll get this check.
Here's the last check, Earl.
Oh, Max, can you take care of that for me, please? Sure.
Why? Uh, nothing pressing Just having a heart attack.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Wait, you're having a heart attack? Most definitely.
I've had three in my life.
We're old friends.
Earl, you're having a heart attack.
I'll be fine.
Have you seen my tangerine? I had a tangerine set aside for my walk home.
Forget the tangerine.
Earl's having a heart attack! Sophie, we're taking the town car to the hospital.
Earl, when did the pain start? When I saw Sophie in that dress.
Oh, hell, no! Why is this line so long? Did the new iPhone come out? Let's just get him over there.
Max, anything you can do to move this along? Move! Celebrity coming through.
Morgan Freeman having a heart attack.
He is having a heart attack.
On a scale of one to ten, what's your pain? Uh, two, we were just in the neighborhood, looking for a place to have jell-o.
I was talking to Morgan Freeman.
Take him now! Sir, he has a history of heart trouble.
All right, we'll get him in.
Earl, go with the nurse.
Damn, it's a man.
We'll be right out here, Earl.
Everything is gonna be okay.
Have a seat and wait.
Look at me, Gingerbread.
If anything happens to him, I will staple your nut sack to that chair.
That's right it's me again.
For the tenth time, he's fine.
He had a minor attack, but he's in good hands.
I would know I had both of my heart attacks here.
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