Hi, I'm gonna be your waitress 'cause my mother drank.
We need a sec.
Feelin' kinda generous, take two.
Then he said to me, "Dude, your vagina is weird.
" Dude, that's insane.
It is so not weird.
Your vagina's awesome.
Okay, I'm ready.
Now I need a sec.
Well, it's over.
I can't say it any more.
The vagina's gone mainstream.
What's next? A clothing line at target? Aw, Max, I'm sorry.
It's your favorite word.
And my favorite body part.
But now everyone's saying it.
Well, we can pick another word for it.
Something cute, like cookie.
Yeah, it sounds like a good idea until you walk past a bunch of girl scouts selling their cookies on the street.
Well, we've gotta pick something, 'cause vagina's everywhere.
Where? Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh And the Pearl Necklace Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Previously on 2 Broke Girls This is invitation to Metropolitan Museum Annual Gala.
We have the invitation.
She'll be there.
You are talking about us stalking Martha Stewart.
So you want me to taste your cupcake in the ladies' room? What's inappropriate about that? That is our beer batter maple bacon spring break cupcake.
Quite tasty.
Do you girls have a card? Martha Stewart likes our cupcakes! I wanna take a picture of this bad tip and put it on Instagram.
Getting loose change used to be so depressing, but now I can share it with strangers.
Let me sum it up.
Twitter is stupid.
And Instagram is Twitter for people who can't read.
Where is my phone? I could've sworn I left it right here, next to yours.
Oh, I'll just call it.
Oh, that's not necessary.
I'm sure it'll turn up My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard And they're like it's better than yours in my pocket.
Max, why are you hiding my phone in your apron? Is that the big question, really? 'Cause I think the bigger question is, why is your ringtone "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard"? If you have to ask that, you clearly have not seen my milkshake.
Okay, here.
I'm busted.
I was checking to see if Martha Stewart called us yet.
You checked it again? You check it, like, every 15 minutes.
I know! I am acting like a little bitch.
Max, Martha Stewart has our business card.
She liked our cupcakes.
She'll call.
Look, in my defense, she asked for our card.
She got us all hot and bothered.
And then what? Nothing.
Martha Stewart is cake tease.
How dare you! Martha Stewart is not a cake tease.
Nothing worse than a cake tease.
Ask any man.
Yeah, you shower, you powder your sack.
For what? Look, Max, relax.
She'll call.
Everything's gonna work out.
I mean, a year ago, we didn't even have a cupcake business.
Look how far we've come.
I haven't come at all, thanks to the cake tease.
Oh, your cupcake is quite tasty.
Do you have a card? Max, that's a good Martha Stewart.
I know, 'cause I can't get her siren voice out of my head.
Wow, Han.
You look you were hit by a Mardi Gras and a Gay Pride float.
I have just returned from the exciting Manhattan Restaurant Trade Show.
Look at all this free swag.
And I've got stress balls.
Well, just go in the back and take care of yourself.
Listen up, everybody.
I have a big announcement.
"- Well, more like a 5'1" announcement.
I am changing the diner to state-of-the-art computer "power touch" ordering system for food and checks.
I am not learning anything new.
I work here because I have no skills.
You don't have to learn it, Max.
It's very smart machine.
- It will help you.
- Uh-huh.
That's how it started with machines in The Matrix.
Next thing you know, the human race was enslaved.
Been there, done that.
I'm with Max.
We are doing it.
It's important to move the business into the future.
So get with it, you luddites.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, girls, we got big trouble.
If he starts using a new system, I won't be able to use my old system where I skim something off the top.
Earl, skimming? I'm kind of shocked.
I don't do it for me.
You know how once a month you girls have really good night in tips? You're welcome.
I have been lying awake at night trying to figure out how we made that 200 bucks with her skills.
- Hey, girls.
- Hey, Sophie.
You know, every time I come here, Im 'surprised you're still open.
Here you go, Sophie.
Hey.
Where's the little Asian woman that always hands me my menu? Asian woman? You mean Han? Mm-hm.
Sophie, Han's a man.
If you say so.
Is there anything special tonight? Yes.
Here I am With treats for my sweet.
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