Okay, Chestnut, it's time to play that game where we take shots while we pay our bills that Max so cleverly named, "that game where we take shots while we pay our bills.
" Hey, if you want me to think of a better name, we should probably stop taking shots while we pay our bills.
If this bill says first warning, we take a shot, and Chestnut gets a carrot.
If it's a final notice, Chestnut gets two carrots, and we take a double shot.
And if it's gone into collections, we shoot ourselves, and Chestnut gets three carrots.
And also, I'm gonna take shots whenever I want to.
All right, only a couple bills to go and $149 to pay them.
That's an odd number.
Shots! Man, our electric bill is $72.
That's an even number.
Shots! Next up, I have gas.
Ah, thanks for the heads-up this time.
We have $77, and the bill's only $76.
84.
Numbers! Shots! This is the first time we've ever broken even.
Wait, what do we do when we break even? Shots? I'm so proud we paid all our bills and with actual American dollars this time.
There might've been a couple of pesos in the mix, that or the nickel has a sweet new donkey.
Look, girls, I got the new iPhone, and Siri thinks I'm hilarious.
I hear that phone has a great camera for selfies.
Or, in your case, elfies.
Smile, Max.
Nice.
#willdiealone.
Oh, already got a like.
Hey, everybody.
Big news.
I finally met the man of my dreams.
Sophie, that's not news.
You've known me for years.
Oh, Earl, another place, another time, another woman, another man.
Hey, girls, you better wipe down my booth.
My boyfriend's parking his Lincoln outside.
Yeah, he dropped me off first 'cause he's a class act and 'cause he had to put his pants back on.
There she is.
There's my Peanut.
You hear that? He calls me his Peanut.
Holy crap, she's looking even prettier than the last time I saw her.
What'd you do, get some beauty creams on the way from the car to the diner? Oh, maybe.
Sophie, it's nice to see you so giddy about something.
Yeah, you're like me sitting on that broken washer at the laundromat.
I'm Nicky, but my friends call me when they need money.
I'm Caroline.
This is Max.
I'm gonna ask you the same question I ask every guy around your age.
Are you my dad? Maybe one of you dolls can get me a glass of water to wash down my tums? Sexy and he has an ulcer.
Sure, I'll go get you some menus and the wine list.
Don't get excited.
That's just a list of everything Caroline's whined about in the last year.
What's up with Robert de Zero over there? I used to have a leather jacket like that.
Then I realized, when you have the right to bear arms, You bare them, baby.
Omelet.
Pick up.
I think Oleg just got jealous.
I think Oleg just got underarm dandruff in these eggs.
Enjoy.
Here are your menus, and we're out of everything in the pictures since 1974.
So the little girl smiling eating a waffle, she's a grandma now, and she calls Penn Station home.
Here you go, dolls, for your trouble.
It's like free money.
Can you imagine what he would've given us if the glasses were clean? All this money and I didn't even do anything.
I'm one mustache away from being a Kardashian.
Yeah, Nicky's a big-shot bookie with a Yorkie and a membership to the VIP lounge at the race track.
A Yorkie and a green leather jacket? Are you even real? I love horse racing.
I used to go to the track all the time, and not to brag, but I do own a Thoroughbred.
Oh, yeah, she does.
I see it eating out of the garbage can from my window.
Here, that's Chestnut.
That's a beauty, but not as much a beauty as my Peanut right here.
Oh, he just compared me to a horse, but I like it anyway.
Why don't you two dolls join us at the track's turf club some afternoon? Oh, we're busy, and it's all the way out in Are you paying? Of course.
Oh, then we're there.
In fact, can we go right now? Yeah, we're not doing anything.
Max, look, the turf club.
Us way up here, the horses down there on the track being forced into their starting gates.
This is so exciting.
Girl, we've been here 30 seconds, and you already blew your bugle.
Pace yourself.
Max, Caroline, over here! Wow, I haven't seen Sophie this happy since that girl slipped on the ice in front of our building.
That girl was me, Max, and I really hurt my coccyx.
You have a coccyx? You want to go out sometime? Hey, girls.
Come on, Peanut.
Get a little closer to me.
Closer.
Little closer.
Closer.
Little closer.
What can I say, girls? I can't get close enough.
Do you hear that? He can't get close enough.
Thank you so much for inviting us.
It feels great to be back at the track again.
Ah, horse racing is, after all, the sport of kings.
I'm more interested in the sport of king crab legs right over there.
So is this an all-you-can-eat deal here, Or will a waiter come drag me away? Knock yourself out.
How much could a girl like you possibly eat? You know how a cobra can swallow an entire pig? It's like that.
Hey, Caroline, you want two or three? So Max tells me you met at 24 hour fitness 24 hours ago.
Yup, he spotted me in a handstand.
Nicky, who am I gonna bet on? Who do you like, besides me? Sophie, go with Mess in a Dress.
She had great morning sprints, first-time blinkers, jockey weighed in a pound under, and at the preakness, she was second in seven furlongs, and this race is only six furlongs.
Yeah, you're talking for long.
Yeah, I think I'm gonna go with number three, My Uncle Hank.
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