Hold up! Nobody leave.
Someone, and I'm not naming Max, has been stealing from the diner.
Well, the diner has been stealing from me.
Youth, energy, will to live.
So new policy: before any employee leaves, there will be a pat-down.
I tried to start that policy years ago.
Seriously, Han? Is that really how you want to get to second base for the first time? It's not ideal, no.
Max, you're first.
Fine.
Feel me up, Low-bo-cop.
What's this? It's a boob, sad man.
This, however, is bologna.
Shame on you! That's tomorrow's salmon.
While we're coming clean, I stole your identity three years ago.
It's over now, but I was caught up in a kind of Jason Bourne situation.
Caroline, I'm coming to you next.
And I thought this uniform would be the worst thing touching my body today.
Quick reminder: I'm a human being.
Caroline, literally slow your roll.
Well, if you're gonna hit bottom, you better have something to wipe it with.
Earl Now, I know you are not about to accuse a black man of stealing in this current political climate.
No, of course not.
I was just going to wish you a wonderful evening.
Here, Max.
You can have my bologna.
And I just I think I love you.
I love you too.
Uh, Caroline? Oh, good.
You brought someone else with you to see that.
Owen, Caroline.
Caroline, Owen.
Owen, bedroom.
Caroline, later.
Owen, nice to meet you.
Do I detect a Philadelphia accent? I haven't said anything yet.
But I gotta tell you, you really took the cool out of Cool Whip.
Let's go in my room.
Oh, actually, Max, it's, uh it's kinda late.
I gotta be at work early.
But I had a good time.
Good night.
I'll call you tomorrow.
We'll do something.
Oh my God.
It finally happened.
Someone doesn't want to have sex with me! He said he gotta be at work early.
Isn't that weird? That you're dating a guy with a job? Yeah, that is weird.
Max, maybe you finally met a guy who wants to get to know you before he jumps into bed with you.
Maybe Owen's the one.
The one that won't have sex with me! So what happens around here when nothing happens around here? Well, when that's not happening, cheesecake is a fun alternative.
I stole one from the diner 'cause I thought you wouldn't be home and I'd be sad.
You hide that between your legs too? Open up! I smell cheesecake! Oh.
And you know And you know what that smells like.
Girl talk.
Girl talk? All right, but if we lez out, nobody catch feelings.
Eh, I'm just talking about a little chick-ity chat.
You know, friends sharing with friends in a completely safe environment.
Well, I've been having this recurring dream Yeah, well, you'll have it again.
Let's talk about me.
Girls, Oleg and I have been having a lot of sex.
You know, standing up, sitting down, on a elevator, on a escalator.
Oh, yeah.
Going down and up at the same time.
All of that unprotected sex, and still no baby.
Did you just come here to brag? You know, Sophie, sometimes when people have trouble getting pregnant, they see a doctor.
Sophie, where did you go? I looked up from the harness, and you were gone.
Well, Caroline thinks one of us Mmm.
And she's not pointing fingers at anyone, but one of us you know, may need to get the sperm tested.
All right, but I've been known to miss the cup.
All right, Earl.
After last night's date, I need a rebound.
I'm ready for you to set me up with your friend.
He's dead.
I didn't say which friend.
They're all dead, Max.
Jeez, one guy doesn't want to sleep with you, and you're sweatin' to the oldies? Flowers? Oh, no! Am I dead too? I'm looking for Max.
She said she doesn't work here.
What is he doing here? It's so awkward seeing a guy the day after he doesn't see you naked.
Hey.
These are for you.
Flowers? For future reference, I'm more of a "Mickey's Malt Liquor" kind of girl.
Hey, can we talk over there in that booth? It depends.
How's your immune system? Caroline, cover my tables.
First I'll put these in some diner water.
I hope these flowers like little floating meat bits.
So you take me to dinner, treat me like a lady, and bring me flowers.
What kind of sick stuff are you into? Max, I like you a lot.
Then why aren't you laying on top of me somewhere? Look, I want us to get to know each other before we have sex to be able to trust each other, keep each other's secrets.
Fine; just tell me your safe word, and let's go.
Mine is "pot sticker.
" I'm serious, 'cause when we do have sex, you're gonna find out that I'm not well, I'm not regular down there.
Um "not regular"? So does it look something like This? No.
And bigger.
Uh, so something like This? No, it doesn't have a face.
Max, something's wrong in the kitchen.
Not here.
Nothing's wrong here.
Just come with me.
Uh, well, can I see you tomorrow? Sure, but at least be late.
Give me something to work with.
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