1
Come on, Max.
Class is starting.
I saved you a spot next to me.
MAX: Be right there.
Strapping in the girls.
Lefty's a little cranky this morning.
Thanks for getting these work out bands
out of the Equinox dumpster.
I was already in there.
I had a meeting
with my accountant.
We're not doing great, by the way.
We're gonna do
resistance work with them.
I'm already resistant.
I'm almost at violent.
Do what I'm doing.
Let my crack stick out?
And pulse, and pulse, and pulse.
Let me just get rid of
that pulse for you.
Come on, Max, the heart machine
at Rite Aid said you were 80
and printed you a prescription
for a wheelchair.
On the count of three.
One, two, three.
Is there a bed on me?
Get my wheelchair.
(Peter Bjorn and John)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
(cash register bell dings)
Hey, girls.
Check out Barbara's new ride.
We need help.
And not just because Barbara
has a luxury SUV before I do.
- (straining)
- Ohh.
Great workout.
I'm gonna cool down with a bagel.
No, I just came down here
to bring you your mail.
And Barbara wanted to show off her car
because you girls are poor.
Overdue cell phone bill, electricity
Sophie, this mail is from a month ago.
What? It's mail, not cottage cheese.
Oh, wait.
I think there might be
a little cottage cheese in there.
Got any of that for my bagel?
Oh, my God.
The movie they're making
about my life is coming out.
Is it called Good Will Boring?
And Max, we're invited
to the press junket
to promote the movie.
In two days?
Uh-oh.
I don't even think my hair
girl could help you in time
and she's got three hands.
Sophie, I hope it's
not too late to RSVP.
I was waiting for some
news about the movie.
I thought it went to the wrong person.
Like my 20s.
Come on, Barbara.
Let's cruise the playground
and make fun of babies in Chevy Volts.
(car beeping)
Uh, can Barbara drop me off at Equinox?
They throw out the
expired Clif Bars at 3:30.
Oh, Han, Max and I
have to do press for my movie,
so we can't work tomorrow.
I get it.
Why break your six-year streak?
I guess with all your movie money,
you two can move on and I
can hire two waitresses
who don't use my office
as a gambling hall.
Han, Caroline already
spent all the movie money
on the dessert bar.
Also, I need your office in 20 minutes.
We're interviewing
a new roulette dealer.
Well, can you at least tell people
not to put cigarettes out
on my family photos?
There's a giant hole in my grandma.
Ooh! They just sent a cast list.
(gasps) Guess who's playing me?
Tess Walker.
She is a very big
hold on, let me read
what she's a very big.
If it's big-boobed,
they did zero research.
Tess is from Australia.
She's a rising star
and got her start in the
romantic comedy G'day Kate.
Max, you're being played
by Vanessa Robinson.
Not a name, but that's what they do.
Vanessa Robinson?
She's on my favorite Disney show,
That's So Vanessa Robinson.
How do they expect a Disney
goody-two-shoes to play me?
She won't be realistic
playing high or drunk
or fighting the bear from The Revenant.
Ooh, Max, who's playing me?
Michelle Kim?
I'm being played by a woman?
Calm down, not a woman.
It's an 11-year-old girl.
And she's probably more
upset about it than you are.
That's preposterous.
An 11-year-old girl
couldn't own a diner.
You do.
Hey, guys.
I picked up your lunch.
There were two other orders
from customers in here.
Hey.
Bobby, Tess Walker is playing
me in the movie about me.
From G'day Kate!
Oh, yeah.
She's Kate, right?
Or or the one that says "G'day" to her?
Either way, she's not as pretty as you.
Ohh, you know exactly
what I tell you to say.
Ooh, the fries are good from not here.
Oleg, try these.
Hey, Oleg.
It says here you're being
played by Pete Chilton.
My gosh, he's the one who
played the serial killer
in that funny movie we saw.
I hope the penis is accurate.
This is a full frontal role, right?
It is here.
Oh, it doesn't look like
there's a Sophie character.
(gasps) Oh, but there
is one named Pearl,
a Black Polish woman who
works as the diner's cashier.
What?
They combined me with Earl?
I mean, if I wanted to be
combined with someone,
I wouldn't have given up a liver
to be separated from my twin.
Hey, they made me a woman?
I haven't been a woman
since I was trying to outrun
the mob with Marilyn Monroe.
Oh, holy crap, Caroline.
Your ex Candy Andy's
a character in the movie
and he's gonna be at the press junkie.
Junket.
You're a junkie, get it right.
And Candy Andy? Why is he in the movie?
Shouldn't he be old enough to go
by Candrew Andrew at this point?
Bobby, before you get crazy jealous,
he is very handsome and I
went places with him sexually
that I had never been before.
But ah, anyway, I'm with you,
now, and he's married.
That's cool, I'm just
I'm just not a jealous guy.
I am confident in our
rock solid relationship.
Well, that's very annoying.
All these reporters and
photographers remind me
of when I lost my baby teeth.
Oh, my father left a
summer home under my pillow.
I left my baby teeth in the
octagon with Ronda Rousey.
This would be a great opportunity
to plug our dessert bar.
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