1
Han, what're you doing in our bar?
You know we can't serve kids.
Or did you just want to see
what a successful business looks like?
I know what a successful
business looks like.
My cousin runs a Blimpie's in Queens.
You have a relative
that works at a Blimpie's?
(gasps) Is he single?
Hi, I'm Clint, the new bartender.
It's a pleasure for you to meet me.
I hired Clint away from that
cool bar down the street.
He has a following.
And his following followed him here,
and now we have a following.
You following?
Oh, a following.
Like I had on YouTube before
they got all weird about nudity.
(Peter Bjorn and John)
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
(cash register bell dings)
Wow.
Girls, this place has more people in it
than my first marriage.
Hey, Earl.
Cacao Storm for my diabetic dreamboat?
Well, you know I can't say no to booze.
If I could, I'd still be
in The Temptations.
No, no, no,
it's very little booze, okay?
CLINT: See, you drink
it for the raw cacao.
Yeah, it releases serotonin
and boosts your energy
and your mood.
I'm pretty much a genius.
And I'm pretty much gonna pass.
You want to try a Cacao Storm?
Huh, buddy?
Yeah, you do.
They're addictive.
Raw cacao with a little
chocolate liqueur.
It's how I got to be such a big deal.
And it's how I'm gonna
get a new wardrobe
with the way these are selling.
Soon, I'll be able to
buy clothes from places
that don't also sell gas.
I'll try one.
I am a little stressed.
I'm entering the post office's
Federal Duck Stamp Contest this year.
They still have post offices?
I wonder if my "wanted"
poster's still up.
It is.
You were a cute kid.
And they have a contest to design
a new duck stamp every year.
If I win, my mallard drawing will be on
official United States postage.
How can there be a winner of a contest
you have to be a loser to enter?
You feeling the buzz yet, son?
You should.
I only use pure Columbian cacao.
Strongest in the city
actually, in the state.
I just didn't want to brag about it.
It's one of the greatest
things about me.
Oh!
Yes, yes.
I think I feel it.
A little jolt.
Wasn't that your
American Gladiator name?
Why you got to harsh my buzz?
Wait till this duck flies
to stamp victory.
Then I'll be ridicule-proof.
You'll never be wedgie-proof.
I just checked our receipts.
We already made $1,500 tonight.
Max, if this keeps up, we'll be able
to watch Hulu without commercials.
$1,500 in one night?
I didn't even make that much
when I turned in my mom
for the reward money.
Plus, it think this is better
than you bartending, Max.
You were great, but your "one
for them, one for me" policy
got a little topless.
You enjoyed the tips, didn't you?
I said "Tips.
"
SOPHIE: Excuse me, excuse me.
Haven't you seen a
stroller in a bar before?
Hey, girls.
What, you're not even gonna say hello,
'cause I look like garbage?
You didn't even give
us a chance, Sophie.
You were too busy running
over all of our customers.
Well, I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you
with the way I look, Caroline.
Look, I don't have time to make
me and baby Barbara look sexy.
Max, maybe we should get manicures?
I haven't had one since Gwyneth Paltrow
was only a little annoying.
We don't have grooming money.
I'm still cutting my hair
with a sword like Mulan.
Max, we're doing really well,
so why not enjoy our success a little?
I mean, we don't have
"screw you" money yet,
but we have enough to
be mildly unpleasant.
(laughs) No kiddin'!
Oh, come on, come on!
I want to get our nails did.
Why does it take so long
for a load to finish?
Have you tried dirty talk?
(machine buzzes)
Oh, that's my dryer.
Oh, mine now.
You snooze, you lose.
But I wasn't snoozing, why am I losing?
'Sup, Janice?
How's things down at the Coinstar?
I'm ready for a change.
Max, don't engage her, she threw
my clothes on the ground.
Buzzer go off? You snooze, you lose.
Ugh, now I have to wash these
again because there's
what I really hope is
fudge on the floor.
Ugh!
Where's my underwear?
Looks like Ralph has a job interview.
Ralph, that's my underwear.
Give it back.
Ugh, I can't wait till we don't
have to come here anymore.
But where will we cook our chicken?
You know what?
We're successful now.
We don't have to come here anymore.
Can I have your attention, everyone?
Uh, that depends, are you a cat video?
I'd like to make an announcement.
As of today, we are saying
good-bye to this place.
So Ralph, you can keep my panties,
I know you have a wedding next month.
Max and I are successful
enough now to afford
our own washer and dryer.
Or more realistically,
a low-budget fluff-and-fold.
So take one last look at us
But no need to take out
your penis, Marty.
Come on, Max,
let's go get our manicures.
Good-bye, Laundromat,
we are never coming back
to this hell hole again.
You just put another
load in the washer.
We are coming back
to this hell hole again.
Earl, we got manicures!
Caroline wanted our nails
to project success, so
What says "classy lady"
like Monopoly houses?
Wow, congratulations, Max.
This is probably the closest
any of us will ever come
to owning a house.
Speak for yourself, Earl.
Max and I are successful now.
I said good-bye to the
Laundromat this morning,
and this afternoon, I said
good-bye to the bodega
where we get our flu shots.
You could've waited till after I got my
flu shot and sandwich combo.
Hi, could you bring me a water, please?
Um, could you bring someone water
if you had houses for fingers?
I can't wait till we say
good-bye to this place.
I'm gonna be really mean.
I may do it as a poem.
What rhymes with "rat-infested"?
Flat-chested.
You better slow down.
We've only had one good
night at the dessert bar,
and you said we had to
keep working at the diner
till we made enough to be legally poor.
Okay, fine.
It's like those nails
are making you reasonable
and I don't like it.
Han, your hair!
Who are you supposed to be,
Edward Scissor-hans?
I was up all night, sketching my stamp.
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