Previously on Desperate Housewives The last two years are a blank.
That's a fresh approach.
I believe you.
Mike couldn't place a familiar face Whoever killed her The police couldn't identify a murder victim -Pulled out all her teeth.
-There's no signature.
Gabrielle was getting showered with gifts Buyer asked to remain anonymous.
From a mystery suitor.
I'm gonna open up a pizza parlor! And Lynette couldn't believe Oh, dear God.
What her husband had done.
I wanna do what you wanna do.
Julie's first love was two-timing her, And Orson's first wife I'm Alma Hodge.
Wasn't going away -What do you think? -I'll take it.
Anytime soon.
Your average housewife worries constantly about the dangerous people she sees on the nightly news.
Which is why she buy expensive alarm systems, carries pepper spray in her purse, and keeps a gun in her drawer, so she can go about her day feeling safe and protected.
Your average inmate worries constantly about the dangerous people he comes in contact with every day.
Which is why he takes ordinary items, And turns them into weapons, that he always keeps handy, so he can go about his day feeling safe and protected.
What is the difference between the housewife and the inmate? The inmate knows the feeling won't last long.
Delfino, right? Yeah.
So? Come on, brah, let's go.
You okay? Yeah.
I owe you one.
Yeah.
I guess you do.
Yes, we all need protection from those who would do us harm And sometimes from those who protect us.
By Tyno, Wisteria Team Forom.
com Wild parties.
Handsome strangers.
Tender kisses.
I had a great time.
Bye.
Yes, there were many things Gabrielle Solis liked about being single again But coming home to an empty house was not one of them.
What? Hi.
You're sleeping at my place tonight.
Really? What did you have in mind? God, I hate myife.
Honestly, did you think I was gonna sleep with you? It would be the polite way to thank me.
Carlos, this isn't funny.
I am scared to death of this maniac.
Since when? Yesterday you were loving all the presents, the intrigue.
The guy broke into the house.
He went from secret admirer to stalker.
For all I know, he's trying to kill me so no one else will have me.
Why don't you just call the cops? And tell them what? "911, sobody broke in the house and left a 6,000 dollars dress.
" Okay, so if this guy shows up again, what am I supposed to do, exactly? Nothing.
Just having you here helps.
Now that's very sweet.
Because when he breaks in and starts hacking you up with his machete, your screams will wake me up, and then I'll be able escape.
Glad I could help.
Hey, stranger.
Hey.
You have good timing.
I just got all the kids to sleep.
Ah, damn, I wanted to tuck 'em in.
Well, you could tuck me in.
I thought I smelled your sex perfume.
Come here.
Hi.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Oh, oh, oh.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Don't get me all revived up just yet.
The printer said he was gonna drop off my menu on his way home.
He already did.
Oh, you didn't look at that, did you? 'Cause it's just a mock-up.
Too late.
I looked and it's great.
Really? the color, everything.
I am so jazzed to see the restaurant.
It is so good to hear that.
So any idea when that might be? Sure.
How about two weeks? Hey.
You open in two weeks.
Yeah.
Well, that'd be a good time for you to come by, 'cause there's free refills, balloons, music Might there be a V.
I.
P.
preview for people, say, who bore your children? -Lynette -Yeah? I don't want you to see it until it's all done.
Why not? Because you will take one look at the place and then you'll have all these tips and suggestions that you just won't be able to keep to yourself.
You think? 'Cause I just saw a take-out menu with a 6-digit phone number, and I kept that to myself.
See? There it is! That snarky, know-it-all attitude.
What? I am snarky because I point out one small, glaring mistake? That's it.
Now you're banned from the opening.
Fine! Good night.
So we're not having sex? Hey, you banned me from your opening.
All I'm saying is that I'd feel a lot safer on the pill.
But if you're not 18, you need parental consent.
Do we really need to give your mother another reason to hate me? She'll hate you a lot worse if you get me Hey! Hi.
Hi Bye.
-Bye.
-Bye.
Can't we just keep using condoms and be extra careful? Are you crazy? They're not dependable.
Sure, they are.
Why do you think everybody uses them? They all have to pass inspection.
It's too risky.
Condoms are only Mom! Mom, what happened? Are you okay? Oh! I was just, uh I lost an earring.
Mom, you're wearing both your earrings.
Oh! I found it.
Austin, I would like to talk to my daughter privately.
Sure.
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