Previously on Desperate Housewives Mike's plan to propose to Susan These things don't belong to Jane.
"Mike Delfino.
" Was a surprise to Ian.
Monique was murdered There's been an accident.
-And Orson -Don't forget your wrench.
Passed the blame.
A connection was made A heart was broken And Bree buried her husband Rex.
My name is Rex Van De Kamp.
I always hated cemeteries when I was alive.
Now that I'm dead, I like 'em even less.
Here's where I used to live.
A whole lot nicer, don't you think? The place hasn't changed much since I left, as tasteful and tidy as ever.
Everything perfect at least on the surface.
My family was the same way.
Look at us.
You'd never guess how ticked off we all were the day this was taken, but that was the thing about us Van De Kamps.
To really fit in, you had to have a smile that gave away nothing.
Like my son Andrew.
To look at him, you'd never know he spent six months on the streets supporting himself with panhandling and light prostitution.
Or my daughter Danielle.
Does she look like the kind of girl who'd seduce her middle-aged History teacher? I mean, they're my kids, and I love 'em, but I'm pretty darn relieved to be dead.
Here's the clown Bree replaced me with, Orson.
I don't mind saying, he's creeped me out right from the get-go.
To me, he always has the shifty look of a guy who knows where the bodies are buried and he should know.
He buried them.
But Bree thinks he's sir Galahad.
The kids like him.
And all my friends now his friends.
So it pleases me to know that at least one of my old neighbors sees right through the guy.
Mike, you just missed Bree.
She's off to see her folks, and then we're finally taking our honeymoon.
Yeah, not a bad time for you to leave town, is it? Well, I don't follow you.
I just keep thinking about that night at Monique's place.
How you made sure I left with my wrench.
The one with her blood on it.
Well, it was your wrench.
Why are you rehashing this? My ex-wife confessed in her suicide note.
The case is closed.
Maybe it shouldn't be.
What do you think the police would say if they knew you were there that night? What do you think they'd say if they knew you threw me off a roof? Oh, Mike.
We could make so much trouble for each other, or we can forget what we think we know and be good neighbors.
Your call.
No, Orson Hodge isn't exactly the guy I'd have picked to head my family, but I'll give him one thing He's got the smile down cold.
By Tyno, Wisteria Forom.
com & DHsubs.
free.
fr Take a drive down any street in suburbia.
You know what you're gonna see? Desperate women.
That's right.
One unhappy housewife after another, each completely miserable in her own unique way.
But I don't want to talk about them.
No, I want to talk about their men and what happens to a guy when that special lady in his life starts to lose it.
Like my friend Carlos.
He used to have it all.
Hot wife, tons of dough, then bam! She gets a divorce, and he gets stuck with the bill.
But does he sit around and complain like your average hausfrau? No, sir.
He finds creative ways to get what you can out of life.
Hey, bro! Where you off to? Oh, the hospital called.
They found the stuff I had on me the night of the accident.
Coma, murder rap.
You've had a tough year, buddy.
You know what you need? Some pampering.
Tomorrow you're checking in to a nice hotel.
Room service, jacuzzi, my treat.
You trying to get me out of the house? Mike, why would I Okay, there's this girl.
I knew it.
Dude, she's a dancer, and if her online profile's any indication, she's a complete freak.
We're talking serious Daddy issues.
Look, I'll stay in my room.
You'll never hear me.
Yeah, but you'll hear me.
I'm kind of exuberant by nature, and when I haven't had it in a while, I kind of do this shrieking thing that, I mean, is kinda Okay.
All right, I'll go.
Just stop talking.
Thanks, pal.
I wouldn't want it to put a weird spin on our friendship.
Too late.
This is my friend Tom.
Have you heard what he's been up to lately? This silly bastard opened up his own pizza place.
He thought that if he was his own boss, he could sleep in as late as he wanted, but the problem with that logic is that married guys Hey.
It's after 9:00.
Come on, Thomasina, it's time to get up.
Are never their own boss.
Are you as tired as I am? More, but I'm tougher, and I complain less.
Not when you give birth, and you do that a lot.
Yeah? Before I forget, you got a call from Chez Nous confirming your reservation for our anniversary.
You heard that? I wanted that to be a surprise.
Well, we've been going there for the last seven years.
It's not exactly a surprise.
Anyway, I hope you don't mind, but I canceled.
You canceled? Why? Honestly, I just don't feel up to going out this year.
But it's our anniversary.
It's our ninth anniversary.
Come on.
The "big nine.
" That's a year longer than my Mom said we would be married.
Come on.
We gotta party down.
I'm exhausted.
Honestly, all I wanna do is pawn the kids off on somebody else, take a long bath and be in bed by 8:00.
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